November 9th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

Um, hi blog.  How you been?  Lonely?  Ignored?  Sorry ’bout that.  Don’t get mad.

So things have been, as per usual, crazy.  I don’t know why I’m ever surprised that no matter how un-busy I’m supposed to be life always gets crazy.  I’ve been up to my earballs (you heard me) in contract work - I now have a full-timeish gig and another (higher paying!  Woot!) one that shouldn’t take a lot of time long term but right now needs lots of attention.  I’m loving the work, loving the interaction and learning a lot both about these companies and my actual abilities.  I will admit after the failure of my last job, I was starting to doubt my career choice as well as my talents.  This whole thing has been hard but good for me.

During the craziness Matt and I took a little road trip to Utah.  He went hunting and camping with his Dad and brother.  He went with strict instructions that if they were to kill something, no meat was to enter my house.   I barely know what to do with ground beef let alone a deer or elk or whatever they hunt out there.

While they did the manly stuff, I got to go HOME!  And hang out with my MOM!  And my FRIENDS!  And see the mountains changing colors, go for walks in the crispy fallness and have an all around great time.  It was perfect.  Then after Matt finished hunting, we got to hang out and do more fun stuff.  It was a great trip and I came home feeling very relaxed, which is good because I had tons of work to do back here.

No news on the baby front.  It’s interesting that I was able to get pregnant before just LOOKING at Matt and now that we have a tiny inkling of hope and some things to try in an attempt to keep that baby in there, we can’t get pregnant.  What the what?  It’s been six months and…nothing.  Now I realize for some this is no time at all but, given my previous experiences, it’s a new challenge.  My cycles, after years of being exactly on time and predictable are ALL OVER THE PLACE.   One month I have a normal cycle.  The next month, 34 days - six of which I naturally spend thinking I’m pregnant again despite negative pregnancy tests.  It’s madness up in there.  I’m sure it’s stress related so I’m trying hard just to stay calm and take deep breaths.  If you know me at all, it’s not working very well.  Shocker.  Hopefully both my reproductive system and I can just calm the hell down already and try this madness again, this time with better results.  I think my biggest challenge lies ahead though.  If I actually can get pregnant anytime soon, I’ll immediately start stressing all over again that I’m going to lose that baby too.  Since the last miscarriage was in the second trimester I don’t even get to feel safe after 12 weeks.  Party in my uterus, right?  Too bad I can’t take Xanax while pregnant, right?

Let’s see…what else is going on?  I’m trying to workout more consistently (what else is new) and making more meals since I’m working from home most of the time.  I’ve also been perfecting the art of sourdough bread and much to my delight, it’s working and DELICIOUS.  This baking thing might not be so bad!  It’s making my kitchen look like a flour bomb went off  and I think my Kitchenaid will never be the same but whatever.  Yay for delicious bread!   Next on the list is sourdough ciabatta. Hold me!

The weather in Phoenix has been delightful and even fall-ish, which is awesome.  I’m wearing a sweater today and I even bought some fall boots…now if I could just liposuction my calves to fit into them a little better.  Anyone have a solution for ugly bunchy kneed jeans under boots (that isn’t leggings?  This butt doesn’t wear leggings)?  It makes me look like a marshmallow man.

We’re heading back to Utah for another week for Thanksgiving.  All my siblings will be there which should be super fun.  It should be freezing which is crappy because other than the above mentioned ill-fitting boots, I don’t have any close toed shoes.  So I’m going to have to figure something out so I don’t lose any of my piggies to frost bite. I guess that’s what the Nordstrom Semi-Annual Sale is for, right?!

Well, I guess that’s that.  You’ve been updated.  Not very exciting, but there it is.  My life is busy but not exciting.  Woot!

October 14th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

Who knew staying home for a month could cause so much business??  Yowsas!  We’ve had guests for a month straight and I’ve had all sorts of other random stuff to keep me running around like crazy.  Also, Matt has been great at not doing dishes and claims he does it out of love to give me something to do…so… there’s also been a whole lot of that.

So, there’s news.   The unemployment didn’t last long.  I’m back to work on Monday but this time with a new, fun twist!  I’m CONSULTING!  This is great for a lot of reasons but making my own schedule and working from home a lot of the time are the two glaring bonuses to this arrangement.  Another plus is that if it doesn’t work out it’s a much easier break.  On top of all that, it’s a cool company with cool technology and cool people.  So that’s that.  We’ll see how it goes!

In other news I taught myself how to make puff pastry today.  This is good and bad.  Good because YUM and I’m wrapping it around Brie so double yum.  This is bad because I now know what is IN puff pastry and it’s name is lotsofbutter.  I got fatter just unwrapping the stuff.  Also bad is the labor intensive nature of folding said butter into the pastry dough then letting it sit for 30 minutes in the fridge, repeated five times.  Needless to say that I went nowhere this morning while I was doing all that folding and waiting.  But I feel very accomplished and domestic.

I wish I had more time but I’m off.  I have a dinner party tonight and I’m still in my workout clothes.  The ones that I put on at 7:30 this morning with every intention to exercise until I got distracted by all the butter.  And all the Mad Men on Netflix.  Oops.

September 28th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

Soooo, um…I sort of am, like, not working anymore?!

It’s a really long story and a whole bunch of explaining/complaining/venting/overworking/undertraining/blah blah blah.  I really thought that this was my dream job and I was going to be there for a really, really long time and it became more apparent every day that it just wasn’t a great fit and the time came to cut ties.  I was working way too much.  I was way too stressed.  I was struggling in some critical areas…also?  I’ve decided Idon’tlikeworkingforwomen.  There, I said it.  Once again, I’ve set the feminist movement back a bazillion years but it’s how I feel.  I could talk forever about why and give examples but it’s really not worth the trouble.  The sum of the parts is that I am currently a housewife.

I have several job opportunities and possibilities in the works, most of which involve more money and what I think is a better fit for me both professionally and for my sanity.  However, there’s a part of me that just wants to chill out for a few months and just (gasp!) stay home.   This last 19 months have been some of the hardest of my life.  I’ve been more stressed, more emotional, more exhausted, more mentally and especially more physically drained than I imagined a human could be.  I really think I could use the break.  With the exception of the three months I spent in Europe in (gulp) 1999, I’ve had never gone more than a few weeks without a job since I was 15.  That means I’ve been working just as long as I was alive before I started working.  I know, waaah, everyone does it and many people work significantly longer but I’m just SAYING, I’ve been running this rat race for a long long time and Mommy (me, though I am keenly aware I’m not a Mommy) might need to sit down.

Now we all know that because it’s me, even if I take a year off, I’ll be busier than ever.  BUT, it will be on MY terms.  I’ve been thinking about trying to teach voice lessons three or four hours a day and have already begun getting back into a hard core workout routine.  I’ve created a cleaning schedule and I have plans with friends at least twice a week.  Tomorrow I have a baby shower, a date to go hang out with my newly pregnant friend AND I’m going to learn how to make sourdough bread and getting my own starter!!  I’m looking at spending a week in Utah and helping my Mom get some of her office technology in order as well as getting some fall leaves, cool weather and time with friends I’ve been missing a ton lately.  I’m making dinner, reorganizing/decorating my house and working on a plan for our completely barren back yard.  See what I mean?  I’m swamped!  Plus, it seems Matt likes to come home and in his most manly voice say “Woman, where’s my food.  Take off my shoes.  Get me a soda.”  Then he laughs for like ten minutes.  He’s hilarious, no?

It’s a definite lifestyle change for us - me particularly.  No more willy-nilly spending and brainless iTunes purchases (SERIOUSLY they shouldn’t make it so EASY!).  Lucky for us we have a lot of cool stuff and were running out of toys to buy and I have a lot of clothes that don’t fit so when I lose a few pounds it will seem like I have a whole new wardrobe!   It will be like shopping in my own closet!  If it weren’t for health insurance (don’t get me started) I probably wouldn’t have to change much of anything.  But here’s the coolest part.  My husband is magical with money.  He somehow manages to make a dollar stretch into two.  He always seems to make whatever money we have enough for the bills, savings, tithing and some fun - no matter how much or how little it is.  Matt supports me either way, we’ll be OK financially and somehow I feel less stressed now than I have in almost two years.  That is a good sign I’m on the right track.

September 1st, 2011 by Kateastrophe

We decided at 4pm today to head to California for the long weekend.  I get to see my Grandma, my soul sister Sheila, and spend some much needed time (in normal human temperatures) playing in the surf and sand with my man-friend.

I think God inspired whoever it was that decided on three day weekends.  They always seem to come right when they’re needed most. Boy oh boy do I need this one.

Wishing you all little or no Labor on this fabulous Labor Day Weekend.  See you suckers next week!

August 31st, 2011 by Kateastrophe

Apparently I struggle with writing consistently over here but have no trouble volunteering to guest post elsewhere?  I know.  It confuses me too.

Today I’m guest blogging over at one of  one of my dearest Internet buddies blogs while she and her husband are traipsing around Europe.  Yes I’m jealous.  Angela and I have “known” each other for something like three years now and we’re both trying to have babies this year…and neither one of us are succeeding just yet.  I wrote a little TMI type infertility related post over at her blog HERE.

Also, if you don’t follow Angela I highly recommend it.  She’s good people.

August 23rd, 2011 by Kateastrophe

Matt’s birthday is tomorrow (he’s OLD!!) and I am the worst wife ever because of several things including his present arriving early - while I was out of town, of course - and it wasn’t right and now it’s sort of ruined.  Good thing that unlike me, he isn’t obsessed with his birthday.  The man just wants to spend some time with me and eat a good, manly hamburger.  He will also be spoiled because that’s how we roll with birthdays around here.  He might have to help me purchase his present but at least he’ll get exactly what he wants, right?  I have a few surprises in store still too.
I wish I had time for a thrilling birthday tribute to the man of my dreams but I don’t and honestly, I think he’d rather I didn’t do it anyway.  I’ll just say as I always do that I don’t know what I did to deserve the angel that he is and I love him more every minute.  This past year has been probably the roughest of my life and I would imagine close to the roughest of his and I knew at every second that he would have taken on all my pain and sorrow in a heartbeat even though he was feeling his own.  Nothing I could have fantasized or dreamt up about my future husband could ever hold a candle to what I have now.  Happy Birthday to him.

August 2nd, 2011 by Kateastrophe

So, um, my world sort of blew up (AGAIN!  How does this keep happening!) this last week and work is, as usual, craziness.  I don’t have much time to process what’s going on let alone deal with it and get my work done.  I have chosen to focus on work and baking cookies.

What’s that, you say?  Cookies?

Yes, cookies.  I took the time on Sunday to create the dough for the famous New York Times chocolate chip cookies and then spent this evening, after letting them chill for the recommended 36 hours, baking like fifty bazillion of them.   People, they are as good as the rumors.  They are also difficult to make.  And if you’re me, you’ll explode butter AND flour all over your kitchen twice.  This will cause you to panic that you now have less than the precisely measured 2 cups minus 2 TBSP of flour (or whatever complex measurement it is).  Then you’ll taste the first cookie and decide that it was all worth it.

I’m leaving for Denver straight from work tomorrow.   Our marketing team works with an amazing group of developers who are based in Denver so we’re taking a trip to meet them.  My boss is bringing the company swag and I’m bringing the cookies.  After my team leaves Thursday, I’m staying the weekend in Denver, working from our office there Friday and then spending the weekend with my best friend Anne (who some of you may know as Brillig.  Moment of silence that she’s not blogging anymore………..).  I cannot tell you how excited I am to see her.  We’re going to behave like teenagers and go to an amusement park Saturday and I’m sure we’ll spend a lot of time staying up late and talking and laughing and doing all of the things we’ve been doing for the last fifteen years.  Plus I am in much need of her wisdom and awesomeness.

I hope to come back Sunday refreshed (though tired) and ready to face life with a better attitude.

While I’m gone, do yourselves a favor and make those cookies.  You can thank me (and The New York Times) later.

July 25th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH ME, MY UTERUS, MY BLOOD OR MY HUSBAND.  There is no reason they can find why we miscarried three times in the last year.

Well, I take that back a little.  There sort of is something wrong.  I have an anomaly of the MTHFR (yes, I thought the same thing you’re thinking when I saw that) gene which affects the way my body absorbs B-12 but my levels are totally normal at this point in my life.  The doctor thinks this might affect me 20-30 years down the road and this anomaly can cause heart disease.  But for now he sees nothing in my levels that would indicate that would cause me to miscarry.

I think I should be relieved?  But I’m sort of not?

I love my doctor because he is going to take precautionary measures for our next pregnancy.  I am going to be on a prenatal pill made especially for women with the MTHFR thing - it has extra folic acid to help me absorb B-12 better.  I am going to start progesterone shots as soon as we get our next positive pregnancy test.  Finally he wants me to take a baby aspirin every day just in case there’s a clotting disorder we couldn’t identify.  It’s all we can do.  So I can try to get pregnant again right away but there is nothing he can do to help guarantee we won’t have another miscarriage.

He said that if I miscarry again they are going to do a full scope of my uterus since the MRI can technically miss things but he doesn’t think it did.  It’s just an option for the future.  He also said that statisically, my chances of having a totally normal 4th pregnancy are upwards of 65-70%.  Those odds sound good but I also know that only 5% of women who miscarry do so in the second trimester, only 2% of women miscarry twice in a row and only 1% ever miscarry three times in a row so I’m starting to realize I represent the rarity in all these cases.

So there it is.  There’s no answer, no solution, just hopes and prayers and waiting.

DAMN IT.

July 22nd, 2011 by Kateastrophe

The business isn’t letting up but in the interest of keeping the interwebs informed of my VERY IMPORTANT LIFE, here is a fun bulleted list of goings on:

• Baby maker update (of sorts) is up over at my other blizog.   It’s one in which I go “whaaa?”
• I am currently out on baby showers - this is currently not fun because I’ve been invited to ELEVENTY BILLION in the last two weeks.  To the lovely moms-to-be, know this.  It’s not you, it’s your baby.  OK, that sounded mean.  It’s not you or your baby, it’s me and my lack thereof and it’s probably better that I don’t go because I’ll either punch you in the face out of jealousy or spend the whole thing crying.  Plus, let’s be honest, unless I really, REALLY like you, I’m not stepping FOOT in any place that sells baby stuff so you wouldn’t get a present anyway.  I’d just come, eat your food, cry at you or punch you and leave.  PARTY.
• I have extremely awesome friends.  I know this isn’t new information but I just wanted to make sure everyone knows it.
• One of my extremely awesome friends made THIS crepe cake the other night and I’m fairly certain that nothing I eat will ever taste as good as this did.
• Pinterest is making me fat.  See above bullet.
• Speaking of things that are making me fat, my body has encountered the one downside to my anti-depressant.  Mixed with the seemingly mandatory “miscarriage fifteen” I am officially hugongous.  I’ve taken to wearing jersey skirts because none of my pants fit.  Working out at least an hour four times a week and eating a lot of tuna wraps doesn’t seem to be helping it either.  So basically in the last year I’ve gained a ton of baby weight, with no baby.  God and I are going to have a chat about the horrible unfairness of that one of these days.
• I have turned into an idiot.  After airheadedly misplacing my brand new camera about fifty times on the annual  girl’s trip in California last month (luckily we were at my Grandma’s house so misplacing is a strong word), I topped off that awesomeness with leaving it (and my brand new Nook) there entirely.  I have a quick and easy way to get them back to me but I can’t seem to focus long enough to GET IT DONE.  So Jewels, B and Sara, I’m sorry that we STILL don’t have our picture from in front of the San Diego Temple.  I am going to mark some time in my calendar this weekend to just get it back already.
• I’m going on my first business trip with my new job at the beginning of August.  My new position doesn’t require these often so this is a treat.  It’s also an extra special treat because I’m going to Denver and I get to extend my stay and see ANNE!!  We’ve been horrible best friends for the past couple of years because we haven’t seen each other since the notorious weekend of the Killer’s concert.  I’m so excited to see her I might pee my pants a little bit.
• Does anyone besides me hate the term “BFF?”  I can’t even explain why but I HATE IT.  I am probably guilty of using it in the past but over the last few years I’ve grown to think it might be the dumbest acronym ever - and there are some pretty darn stupid acronyms.  Trust me, I know.  My work speaks only in acronyms.
• I should be working right now…so I’m going to go ahead and do that.

July 7th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

Do you Pinterest?  Because OMG it’s amazing.

If you don’t know what it is, it’s an application that allows you to “pin” pictures to different “board” categories — sort of like an inspiration cork board you often see interior decorators use. I love being able to “pin” pictures to keep them organized rather than trying to bookmark or email myself a gabillion images, ideas, recipes, etc. Plus you can pin things other people have pinned AND follow friends and other people on Pinterest with awesome taste.  It’s highly addicting and I now use it more than Facebook.  I KNOW.

I’ve been on for quite a while now and recently I’ve seen the blogosphere on fire with Pinterest mentions.  I don’t know why it took me so long to talk about it.  Oh, that’s right.  It’s because MY LIFE IS INSANE.

Anyway, if you’re not on Pinterest and want to be, leave me a comment and I’ll send you an invite.  There’s nothing in it for me…just free eye-candy for all! You can see all my boards and follow me if you’d like here.