May 28th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

I’ll never forget the moment the sealer in the temple announced that we were sealed together for eternity.  I blinked back tears and looked up from our clasped hands and looked into Matt’s eyes.  They were practically glowing blue from the combination of the heavenly lighting in the room and I think he too was blinking back some rogue tears.  I think it’s a close to heaven on earth as I’ll ever come.  I wanted to take a picture and have it to look at forever and ever.  Luckily, it’s one of the moments from our wedding day that is still crystal clear in my memory.

Neither one of us broke down and actually cried, as I’ve seen many people do at that moment.  I’m not sure why.  I’m usually a big old bawl baby.  Part of it may have been my determination to keep my make-up intact, but most of it you can probably contribute to the happiness we both were feeling at that moment.  We’d found each other and we hadn’t screwed it up.  We’d done everything that had been asked of us and we’d followed the rules and we’d been worthy to be sealed in the House of the Lord - no easy feat when you’re madly in love and the hormones are raging, but we’d done it.

The rest of the day is a blur.  Things didn’t go perfectly with the ring ceremony or reception but it was an AMAZING day.  I wish my brain would let me forget about the speed-bumps and just remember the awesome things.  I want to focus on things like my Dad crying as he announced to our closest friends and family how proud he was that I’d achieved my goal of being married in the temple even though it meant he didn’t get to see us married.  Our first dance as a couple.  Our parents dancing.  All of Matt’s family being there and feeling so at home with all of them.  My hilarious family antics.  The delicious wedding cake.  My amazing friends.  The amazing man that picked me.  ME!!  This wonderful, kind, sweet, never-yells, always positive, gives-me-whatever-I-want man picked ME, this selfish, loud, boisterous, obnoxious, spazoid of a woman to spend forever with. 

These last five years have been the best of my life.  With Matt I found everything I had been missing.  He is truly my better half and I’m so lucky to have found him and to have somehow tricked him into thinking I was awesome, too.  We’ve had so much fun.  We’ve been places neither of us ever imagined we’d be, from the beaches of Hawaii to the tallest buildings in China.  We’ve laughed until we cried.  We’ve fought and loved as fiercely as any two people are capable of.  We’ve learned so much from each other and it’s been amazing. 

I cannot wait for the adventures of the next five years.  We’ve got big plans and surprises in store and I’m so excited we’re in on them together because our life?  Is going to be epic.

******

I know some of my LDS beliefs and jargon are foreign to many of you.  If you’d like to learn more about my religion and what I’m talking about, you can go to Mormon.org .  You can also go to this page to learn more about the temple specifically.

Update:  The Church has just announced the completion of a to-scale model of the inside of the Salt Lake Temple.  You can see pictures and read about it here.  This is the first time since the temple’s dedication in 1893 that individuals who do not belong to the LDS Church can see inside.  It’s amazing!

May 21st, 2010 by Kateastrophe

My mother is amazing.  Maybe the most amazing human being that ever existed EVER.  OK maybe I went too far there but I’m just putting it out there that she’s awesome and everyone says so.

Now that I’ve gotten that part out of the way I will share with you the story of that one time, last week, when my mother drove almost me to insanity via a paper doll.  A paper doll named Flat Stanley.

My amazing baby sister and her husband both graduated from the LSU Nursing School last week.  For the momentous occasion, as much of the family as could manage made the trek to New Orleans to celebrate Southern style.  This posse of awesomeness included my (amazing) Mother, my Dad (who flew in from China) my Grandmother, myself and my sister’s best friend and spouse.  The logistics of the trip were a bit tricky.  Dad had rented a car, Mom and Grams had not.  Meagan and Lukey (aka Sister and Husband) had their tiny little Nissan.  Some of us were staying in the French Quarter and some of us were staying in student housing apartment occupied by Sister and Husband about twenty minutes away.  If we all tried to fit in one car it was no bueno.  So Dad and Mom ended up in the same car a lot.

In case you didn’t know this already, Mom and Dad are divorced and have been for almost 24 years.  They are polar opposite human beings and I still to this day am unsure of how they EVER got along long enough to have four kids.  Love them both, but seriously, it’s that bad.  They do a good job of getting along at kid centric occasions such as weddings and graduations but it’s still a wee bit stressful on us kids because we try to keep them separate but equal if you know what I mean.

Dad and I are a lot alike in our travel styles.  We’re very organized and we’ve always got a plan (usually three plans, just in case).  You take away our plan and our heads explode.  You make us late for the plan, and our heads explode.   No Plan = Big Mess to Clean Up.

Mom is what we like to call a “Free Spirit.”  I doubt she’s ever been on time to anything in her life.  She TRIES to plan, but when she does it sort of explodes into craziness.  She likes to live in the moment.  It’s great, but it’s a bit hard on The Plan.

{Example?  We were all trying to stay in the same hotel but we weren’t sure if we could pull it off.  Mom found a hotel she OHMAGOSHHADTOSTAYIN and booked not one, not two but THREE rooms “just in case.”  This would have been fine but I think she thought the hotel was going to catch her or something because she booked them all under a different last name.  She then asked me to finalize everything, since I’m the travel planner extraordinaire and when I called the hotel to confirm ONE room and cancel the others, they couldn’t find jack.  It took me an hour to unravel the mess.  SEE?  Explosion of craziness.}

So, as you can probably tell, Mom relying on Dad to get us places wasn’t such a great idea.  Kate coming along for the ride made it a worse idea.  Dad + Kate=Mega Plan.  Dad+Kate/Mom= WTH JUST HAPPENED?

The morning of the commencement ceremony, The Planners wanted to be early to get good seats.  Mom went for an eight mile run and got back exactly 30 minutes before the plan was to be set in motion.  Mom then jumped in the pool to cool down.  Then she carefully rung(rang?) out her bathing suit, then she showered and started to get ready.  45 minutes later (as the plan is slowly dying a painful death) she think she’s ready to go and we’re on our way out to the car, I hear “Oh no!  Flat Stanley!”

Some more background on Flat Stanley for you.  Mom’s husband’s granddaughter (got that?) gave Flat Stanley to my Mom MONTHS ago.  Mom forgot about Flat Stanley.  Mom lost Flat Stanley.  Mom found Flat Stanley and then Mom brought Flat Stanley to New Orleans to complete her task, which I believe is technically taking one or two pictures in New Orleans.  Weeeeel, Jan turned that one into a documentary of Flat Stanley’s life as a Southern boy and decided to bring him everywhere.  But see, there’s this whole problem of slight disorganization and MOM KEPT LOSING FLAT STANLEY.  And she’d freak out and go looking for him and guess what that does to The Plan?  If you guessed “shot it in the head” you would be correct.

She proceeds to rip all her clothes out of her suitcase, all the papers our of her briefcase and all the stuff out of her purse madly looking for a PAPER DOLL.  Of course by now The dying Plan has become The “shot in the head execution style” Plan.  Dad and I are having internal panic attacks and trying to smile through the pain.  Mom is still looking for Flat Stanley and Grandma is . . . well being my awesome Grandma.

It takes a few minutes to locate him and no less than 25 minutes late we are out the door.  My Dad, who in a previous life would have been shouting expletives involving a word beginning with “F” at everyone by this time, is driving down the road and smiles at my Mom and says “You know, if we went and made color copies of Flat Stanley you’d never have to worry about losing him again because you’d have MANY of him.”  Mom agrees it’s a good idea but NEVER DOES IT.  We proceed to rinse and repeat the above story in slightly different situations for the rest of the trip.

As I’m sure you can imagine, over the course of the next four days the list of people who hated Flat Stanley had increased from 2 to about 745,000.  I guess it’s a good thing Mom was protective of him because when we went on our swamp tour, I almost introduced Flat Stanley to Joe the 15 ft. Alligator.  As “luck” would have it, Flat Stanley made it back home with Mom safe but I think the rest of us are scarred for life.  If my future children ever bring home a Flat Stanley they’re going to be very confused when Mommy grabs it out of their hands and runs away screaming at the top of her lungs, never to be found again.

Thanks a lot, (truly awesome oh how I love you)Mom.

May 11th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

Guys, I can’t breathe.  Like, ever.  Not breathing means no sleeping and no sleeping a cranky Kate makes.  The reason I can’t breathe?  ARI-freaking-ZONA.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Phoenix.  I love the restaurants, I love the winters, I am even starting to love the look of the desert landscape, but let me tell you, there are parts of Arizona that can kiss it.

A few months ago when I was sick as a dog (which turned out to be H1N1, so I guess technically I was as sick as a pig??) the doctor did an allergy test on me to see if that was part of the problem.  As it turns out, I’m allergic to Arizona.  Well, more specifically, any plant that isn’t native to Arizona but happens to be everywhere.  That would include the “summer” or Bermuda grass which grows here NINE MONTHS A YEAR.  I’m also allergic to Queen Palms.  You know, the big gorgeous palm trees that are EVERYWHERE and also have a very very very long growing season.  I’m allergic to dust mites and Arizona just happens to be the dustiest state in the union.  Randomly I’m also allergic to horses which is weird because I’ve never had any sort of problem around them.

Cut to the wettest winter we’ve had in forever, which means that the plants have pollinated at leaves never before seen on earth and then.  THEN.  we have all of a sudden turned into The Windy State.  You can see the clouds of pollen blowing in the wind and right. up. my. nose.

I’m exhausted.  I took a sick day on Friday to try to rest and get some of my energy back.  It didn’t really work as I went to bed early Friday, took a two hour nap on Saturday, slept nine hours Saturday night and took ANOTHER two hour nap on Sunday.  Followed, of course, by another nine hour snooze that night.  But of course the sleeping wasn’t so much because of the whole not breathing thing.  I’m on all sort of random allergy meds, none of which seem to be working.

I’m about ready to go to the ER, insist they stick a breathing tube through my throat and sleep for the rest of my life.  That THAT, allergies.

April 29th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

Getting old sucks. 

 I realize this isn’t news to anyone and isn’t any sort of original thought but it’s been on my mind so I’m just going to talk about it.

I was at a birthday party a few weeks ago and they had a photographer there offering to take pictures of anyone who wanted them.  I happened to have done some awesome smokey eye make-up (if I do say so myself) and my hair looked AH-mA-Zing so I hopped right on the picture train.  Apparently this photographer had a lens with alien technology HD because when I got the pictures back they showed EVERYTHING on my face.  And for the first time, I saw fine lines appearing around my eyes.  Not the laugh lines, which I think are sexy because they show happiness, oh no.  These were the little fine lines under my eyes that aren’t sexy in any way shape or form.  As I was looking at the pictures and figuring out how to airbrush them myself, it hit me that I’m almost thirty and this is where it starts to go downhill fast.  Starting with the eye wrinkles.

And here’s the thing.  My skin?  Is pretty freaking awesome.  The advantage of being born see through is that I’ve always worn sunscreen.  Except that one summer where I tried my damndest to get a tan.  I was tan for ME but it wasn’t a real tan and I still looked like the cream filling in an Oreo if I stood next to my girlfriends.  WHO by the way would run up to me at random moments and shout “MAKE ME FEEL TAN!” and lift up their shirts to compare their golden tanned abs to my pasty white ones.  That’s how “tan” I got.  SO I gave up forever and now I’ve upped my sunscreen from 25 to 850,000 spf.  With zinc.  ANYWAY, what all of this means is that, apart from my freckly arms, I don’t have much sun damage anywhere.  I think I thought that this would mean I’d NEVER EVER get a wrinkle.  (Insert everyone’s hysterical laughter here.)  Reality you are a cruel, cruel friend.

The other thing?  I haven’t had kids yet.  And that means my first kid will absolutely 100% for sure be born after I’m thirty and the more I talk to my friends with kids, the more I hear that body recovery post-baby is harder after thirty.  Shoot me now.  Can’t wait to start.

And ANOTHER thing.  I never believed anyone about the whole “metabolism slowing down” bull.  I was always bigger.  I’ve never been a tiny girl.  I was 104 lbs in 5th grade.  I remember some girl coming out of our weigh in crying because she was 80 lbs.  And the boys didn’t even weigh 100 lbs!   I came out of that weigh in wondering if I sat on any of those tiny kids I could suffocate them with my hugeness.  I also started wondering if I should be playing football or doing something to take advantage of my bulk.  Naturally, I just stayed bigger.  I wanted to punch the girls in college who complained about being unable to maintain their 112 lbs.  Me skinny?  Is like 152.  And I ate like a trucker.  Cut to getting married at 24 and working my first real desk job where food was in front of me all.the.time.  Right about that same time, my metabolism hit the brakes.  Hello, 30 extra pounds!  I hate my life.

Anyway, I’m rambling (I bet you’re all SO SHOCKED).  I should have just left this post at the first sentence.  Getting old sucks.  And now, my big butt, my wrinkles and my dreading-having-a-baby-someday-body bid you adieu.

April 19th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

So far 2010 has been the year in which Kate bit off more than she could chew.  I’ve got a ton of stuff going on every week and while I’m loving, LOVING the things that are going on, the friends I’ve made and the changes in my life because of all the fun things that are going on, some days I just feel a lot overwhelmed.  Happy, but overwhelmed. 

As a result of the business of being busy, I’m having to reprioritze quite a few things in my life.  I’m a full blown TV addict with show after show after show that I HAVETOWATCH.  Then suddenly, when our DVR died a few months ago, and all the episodes I’d been saving up of several of my “favorite” shows were gone for good, the thought of searching for and catching up on all the missing episodes was just too much work, so I gave up the shows.  No more Project Runway, Gossip Girls, Bones, Brothers and Sisters, Parks and Recreation and a bazillion others.  Now I just stick to my three or four most favorites.  It’s been so liberating!

I’m doing lots of things I’ve been wanting to do for a long time.  I’ve cleaned out a majority of the junk in the extra bedroom that we’ve been lugging around since I moved to Phoenix.  I’m taking a beginning photography class online so I can finally learn how to use that fancy camera I bought a couple of years ago (PS - finding out that you’ve been doing it ALL WRONG for two years is a little annoying.  Way to go, me) and that’s been nice.  I’m collecting home decor pictures I like hoping to redecorate (or just plain decorate) the blank spaces in my house. 

Socially, I’m having a blast.  I’ve made some of the most amazing friends in our area and there are so many fun people doing so many fun things all the time.  We’ve had tea parties and hot tub nights and group dates and primping parties and I just burst with joy every time I think about these people and how lucky I am to know them.

I’ve kept off most of the weight I lost and I’m working out at least an hour, usually two hours a day.  I have a love/hate relationship with the four spin classes I take each week.  I’m madly in love with Yoga.  The elliptical machine has finally succumbed to me and I’m now the boss.  I’m feeling really good with where I’m headed here.

Blogging has obviously been part of what’s had to sit on the back burner.  I’m not sure if my creativity is being better used elsewhere or if it’s left me completely, but coming up with things to write that might be interesting to anyone is becoming more and more difficult.  That and I’m so busy the crazy things that usually happen to me when I’m bored aren’t so much happening anymore.  I still read ALL the blogs in my reader on a daily basis.  I thrive on reading about all of you and I wish I were better at commenting and letting you know I’m here.  I probably won’t be great at that for a while but trust me, I’m reading.

I’ve got a few funny stories up my sleeve that I will grace you with (baaahahah) coming up here soon.  I just wanted to say hi to my interwebs and let you know I’m still here chewing away at my crazy life.

April 1st, 2010 by Kateastrophe

Did you know that April is Autism Awareness Month?  And tomorrow is Autism Awareness Day?  As of about three years ago I’m VERY aware of it but before then I had zero idea whatsoever.  Naturally I knew Autism existed.  I knew it affected a lot of people but I didn’t know much more.  Then, right around the same time of the same year, two of my VERY best friends both discovered that their little boys were on the Autism Spectrum, and now I’m very, very aware of what it is and how much it can affect a family.

According to Autism Speaks:

“Autism is a general term used to describe a group of complex developmental brain disorders known as Pervasive Developmental Disorders (PDD). The other pervasive developmental disorders are PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not
Otherwise Specified), Asperger’s Syndrome, Rett Syndrome and Childhood Disintegrative Disorder. Many parents and professionals refer to this group as Autism Spectrum Disorders.

Today, it is estimated that one in every 110 children is diagnosed with autism, making it more common than childhood cancer, juvenile diabetes and pediatric AIDS combined. An estimated 1.5 million individuals in the U.S. and tens of millions worldwide are affected by autism. Government statistics suggest the prevalence rate of autism is increasing 10-17 percent annually. There is not established explanation for this increase, although improved diagnosis and environmental influences are two reasons often considered. Studies suggest boys are more likely than girls to develop autism and receive the diagnosis three to four times more frequently. Current estimates are that in the United States alone, one out of 70 boys is diagnosed with autism.

What causes Autism?  The simple answer is we don’t know. The vast majority of cases of autism are idiopathic, which means the cause is unknown.The more complex answer is that just as there are different levels of severity and combinations of symptoms in autism, there are probably multiple causes. The best scientific evidence available to us today points toward a potential for various combinations of factors causing autism – multiple genetic components that may cause autism on their own or possibly when combined with exposure to as yet undetermined environmental factors. Timing of exposure during the child’s development (before, during or after birth) may also play a role in the development or final presentation of the disorder.”

One in every 110 children . . . 1 in 70 boys in the US.  I have a group of about 10 best girlfriends and between us there are 8 little boys.  Two of them are on the spectrum.  That’s just too many.

As I’ve spoken with my friends over the years about the challenges with their Autistic sons, I’ve realized that when an Autism diagnosis is given, the world becomes a very scary place for the parents.  As I imagine it, the conversation goes a little like this:

“There is something wrong with your child mentally and developmentally.  We’re not sure what causes it, we’re not sure how to fix it and we’re sort of aware of how to handle it, but not really.  We have a bucket for this illness called the Autism Spectrum and we’ll find a place on here somewhere for your child but it’s not a specific diagnoses, we just sort of . . . wing it and hope for the best IF you can get into the right doctor who can give you the right diagnosis.  The wait list to see that doctor is approximately eight million years.  We’ll try to get you in sooner.

Your child is probably going to be difficult at home and in social situations, but will look completely normal so no one will understand that there is anything wrong.  You may have a hard time taking him out in public without people wondering why you’re such a bad parent who can’t control their child.  Most likely he will suffer severely in the developmental area of communication which will frustrate you and your child enormously.  Making and keeping friends will be difficult for him . . . and possibly for you.

 Your child will probably be insanely strong and quite possibly not have any fear of injury or consequence.  In many cases he may not even express pain when he is hurt so you will have no idea.  In fact, it’s highly likely that he will attempt to hurt himself in attempt to feel.  Because of this, your child will most likely need constant supervision.  Hope you don’t need time alone ever again.

Some states offer a lot of help for children with Autism . . . but some don’t.  Let’s hope you live in one that does because then you’ll get some therapy and counseling and schools that cater specifically to your childs needs and that will hopefully help them overcome some of their challenges.  If you don’t, prepare to pay out the butt for these services or to uproot your entire family to a state that might help.

As for a cure . . . well . . . um . . . see . . . we hope to someday know where it comes from so we can someday try to fix it.  So . . . yeah.  Good luck!”

Basically, the whole thing is going to suck and be hard and frustrating.  And it will last a really, really, really long time.

I have been blessed to be able to spend quite a bit of time with both little boys in my life who are Autistic.  They are amazing little people.  They have so much love and so much joy but they suffer so much frustration trying to express themselves while (and this is my interpretation so don’t hold me to this) they’re a little trapped in their own brains.  They want to communicate their wants and needs.  They want to be independent and have all the fun in the world.  They want so many things, they just struggle to do so in a normal way. 

Their parents are angels from heaven with a level of patience I cannot even fathom.  The hours that have been spent researching, studying, waiting for doctors, sitting with therapists, volunteering, crying, praying and begging for help for their children cannot be counted.  Despite this fact, they speak often of the guilt they feel because they’re not doing enough or they’re neglecting their other children to help the one with “special needs.”  They are overwhelmed by the daunting task of raising this child and devastated knowing the challenges he will face for his entire life and yet they keep hoping and praying and researching and banging on every door and refusing to take “no” for an answer.  They are my heroes.

I will be wearing blue tomorrow in honor of Autism Awareness Day and I hope that you will join me.  Check out Autism Speaks to find walks in your area or to donate.  Hopefully someday, somewhere, someone will have an understanding of where Autism starts, how to prevent it and most importantly how to help the kids who have it live a normal life.  

I know I didn’t pay much attention until Autism had a face . . . or two.  Maybe it will help you.  Here are my beautiful, amazing, wonderful faces.  I’ll share them with you.

March 30th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

This is the time of year why us “crazy Phoenicians” live here in the hot place.  The weather in Phoenix right now is awesome.  AWE-SOME.  It’s been a balmy 70-85 degrees every day for the past two weeks.  AND I AM TRAPPED IN AN OFFICE NINE HOURS A DAY M-F.  Lamesauce. 

Our weekends are usually filled with cleaning and errands but this weekend Matt and I decided we had to get outside and do something in the gorgeousness, so we pulled the trusty Jeep out of the garage and went for a ride with the top off.  Not MY top off.  Pervs.  THE top off.  Of the JEEP.  Right.  Moving on.  To my hair.  My awesome, out of control Jeep hair.  It took me about thirty minutes to brush it out after we were done.  Isn’t it rad?  And this picture was early on.  You should have seen it three hours later.  HOT.

We drove toward the lake (there’s a LAKE!  In PHOENIX!) and then down into the city and then to a quaint little part of town with antique shops and furniture stores.  It was cute and quant and full of knick-knack crap that I just don’t really DO but we did get ice cream cones and that was totally worth it!  It was awesome to walk around town with a little breeze and shade trees (SHADE TREES!  In PHOENIX!). 

We ended our day with a fabulous Chipotle (a guy I used to work with called it Chi-pot-el and I laughed every time and now that’s just what I call it) burritos and a gorgeous sunset.  Phoenix?  Has AMAZING sunsets.  See?  (Disclaimer:  This was not a sunset from Saturday.  This was a few weeks ago.  But it might as WELL have been from Saturday because they’re all gorgeous.)

Sunday, as if we hadn’t had enough of the great outdoors, we decided to take advantage of the hiking trails our community so generously provided to us.  Granted, they only got us a few yards past the houses then we were off the beaten path.  It was pretty toasty warm, but the breeze felt good.  We were amazed at the wildflowers (WILDFLOWERS??  IN PHOENIX?) in purple, pink and yellow and the cacti are starting to bloom as well, and that’s always fun. 

As we started off the end of the path, Matt looked back and me and said “watch out for rattlesnakes (Seriously.  RATTLESNAKES.  In PHOENIX (getting old yet?))” and as if the rattlesnake gods heard him say that, immediately the bush next to me started making a noise that sounded suspiciously like a rattle.  Matt threw a few rocks at it (because he’s SMRT) but nothing ever came out to say hi, it just kept rattling at us.  I pray it was a big bug.  A little further down the path, I heard a strange rustling next to me again.  My immediate reaction was to scream but luckily I strangled that right in and look what we found!!

Yes, that is a desert tortoise.  IN PHOENIX!  He’s about two feel long and oh so cute.  I think he hated us because Matt kept trying to get closed and closer and then he told me to go nudge him in the butt.  I resisted for a bit but he finally talked me into it and BAM into his shell he went.  It was actually cute because I discovered that they pull their heads in and then cover their heads with their little front feet.  It’s as if he’s silently screaming and hoping his wee arms are enough to save his brain.  I guess luckily in his case they are.  In my case, not so much.

We hiked up for almost two hours and then we were like “screw this we’re going home.”  Which of course took us a long time because going down?  Sucks.  Lots of rocks.  Slippery suckers.  I fell down a couple of times.  Luckily not anywhere close to a cactus.  Which are also everywhere.

It would have been the perfect weekend if not for the GIANT CENTIPEDES WHO HAVE INVADED OUR HOUSE.  (GIANT CENTIPEDES!  IN PHOENIX!) The first one got sent down the bathtub drain, much to his chagrin.  The second one is probably freaking out in the canister of my Dyson as we speak.  I just picture him running around and around mixed in with the dust and red fuzz from our family room rug.  It’s actually sort of funny in my head . . . but probably not funny for him.

We finished our evening by watching Up! (yes, two grown adults with no children watched a cartoon for fun.  AND LIKED IT.  No judging) with the windows and doors open while I secretly freaked out that I was going to be eaten by a giant centipede.  Luckily that didn’t happen.  Yet.  Awesome.

March 16th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

I keep laughing about this story so I thought I’d share it with the interwebs. 

A few weeks ago I flew to Columbus to see my Dad who was in the country from China where he lives most of the year.  We had a grand old time, hanging out with family and talking.  The only hinderance was the strict guidelines of the “Diet from Hell” (as I’ve been calling it lately).  It was a little harder to find things to eat when we were eating out all the time.

The last morning we were there, I awoke to a grocery bag full of “diet approved” breakfast food and Dad offered to make me eggs, one of his specialties.  I took him up on the offer with the stipulation that he had to use half the yolks because I couldn’t have that much fat.

He mumbled something under his breath and barrelled into the kitchen.  He was still sort of grumbling a few minutes later when I went in to offer my assitance and I noticed him leaning over a bowl with a cracked egg in his hand and a distressed look on his face.  He looked up and said “I can’t figure out how to do it!” 

“Do what?” I asked.

“Cut this damn yolk in half!”

I just sat down on the floor and laughed until my sides hurt.  My sweet Dad, trying so hard to follow my diet guidelines had thought I literally meant HALF yolks.  What I really meant was half of the yolks.  Four eggs, two yolks.

The light went off in his head as I laughed and pretty soon I had my delicious, half yolked breakfast.

I guess besides being hilarious it made me realize that my Dad loves me enough to attempt to cut a yolk in half, and that’s pretty awesome.

March 9th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

It’s been pretty busy up in the Murphy household (you heard me.  Up. In. The.).  Matt has been working up a storm, I’ve been working out a storm, a phrase which I realize makes absolutely NO sense but I’m using it anyway, and I’ve been keeping myself pretty busy with “social engagements.”  I had an (AWESOME) baby shower for a friend a few weeks ago, then a night out with the girls to bid farewell to a friend who was moving and then another friend who moved away last year is coming into town and we’re having an honest to goodness fancy tea party!  I cant’ wait.

I also have a new calling at church.  For those of you unfamiliar with the LDS religion, each of us is given a calling or “assignment” within the congregation.  Some are leadership positions, some are teaching positions and there’s a bunch of other stuff to do as well.  My new calling is Compassionate Service Leader, which means that I am in charge of making sure that anyone who needs a little extra help gets it.  This usally comes in the form of meals when there’s a sick parent or a new baby.  I’ve been helping out with this for the last couple of years but my partner in crime moved (mad at you Whitney!) and they put me in charge.  My first DAY on the “job” we had a new baby and a mother who had surgery.  Now, it’s not my job to provide all the meals, but I do need to coordinate them, so I had six meals ahead of me.  Luckily, the ladies I go to church with are amazing and it only took me a couple of days to get the whole thing figured out, but it’s a wee bit stressful to know that someone is relying on you for help.  Hopefully we can space out the injuries, surgeries and babies around here.  I hope the ladies are listening . . .

In other news, I’ve had a stalled week on the diet and am sort of stuck at 16.5 lbs down.  I’m not too discouraged, my body had to plateau SOMETIME.  However, the joy I expressed a few weeks ago at all the “amazing” food has faded and now I hate everything healthy and I just want to sit down with an entire (GIANT) pot of Kraft macaroni and cheese and drown myself in carbs and fat.  I’m not joking at all.  I added an extra three weeks to the original timeline and I might be regretting that decision, but I’m trying very hard to stick to it.  Last week I was in the bathroom washing my hands and I noticed that my favorite work pants looked HORRID on me because they gave me saggy dumpy butt.  I had mixed emotions because, hello, favorite pants — purchased for the amazing price of $2 — but hello, excitement that they were so baggy!   I am not allowing myself to clothes shop until I’ve been able to lose another ten pounds and maintain it for a little while.   This means there will be many saggy butt sightings in the next couple of months.  Thank goodness I kept a bunch of my “someday when I’m skinny again” clothes.  They’re FINALLY starting to come in handy.

On top of saggy but, people are finally starting to notice the weight loss.  I’m 5′8″ which is a blessing when I gain weight because 30lbs on me looks like a lot less than on, say a 5′2″ frame, but it’s a curse because when I lose ten pounds, nobody notices.  My saddle bags are slowly diminishing, the arms look skinnier and my face, thanks to the genes from my Mother, is startng to look a little gaunt.  Again, another blessing/curse.  I don’t ever get fat face, but when I lose weight, I start to resemble a concentration camp victim.  Fun times!

My husband has of course lost about as much weight as I have without any effort.  The a-hole.  If he keeps doing this, he’ll be skinny but dead, so I suggested last night that he start eating high fat so I can feel a little better about my sacrifice and he can keep his life.  It just seemed fair.

So there you have it.  My life in a nutshell.  Wheeee!

March 2nd, 2010 by Kateastrophe

Are you aware that if you deny your body carbs for long enough, at some point you might crack and sit down and eat two entire loaves of bread in one sitting?

I haven’t done it yet but if someone were to present me with two loaves of Wonderbread it would be ON.

16.5 lbs down and counting . . . sigh.