August 31st, 2011 by Kateastrophe

Apparently I struggle with writing consistently over here but have no trouble volunteering to guest post elsewhere?  I know.  It confuses me too.

Today I’m guest blogging over at one of  one of my dearest Internet buddies blogs while she and her husband are traipsing around Europe.  Yes I’m jealous.  Angela and I have “known” each other for something like three years now and we’re both trying to have babies this year…and neither one of us are succeeding just yet.  I wrote a little TMI type infertility related post over at her blog HERE.

Also, if you don’t follow Angela I highly recommend it.  She’s good people.

August 2nd, 2011 by Kateastrophe

So, um, my world sort of blew up (AGAIN!  How does this keep happening!) this last week and work is, as usual, craziness.  I don’t have much time to process what’s going on let alone deal with it and get my work done.  I have chosen to focus on work and baking cookies.

What’s that, you say?  Cookies?

Yes, cookies.  I took the time on Sunday to create the dough for the famous New York Times chocolate chip cookies and then spent this evening, after letting them chill for the recommended 36 hours, baking like fifty bazillion of them.   People, they are as good as the rumors.  They are also difficult to make.  And if you’re me, you’ll explode butter AND flour all over your kitchen twice.  This will cause you to panic that you now have less than the precisely measured 2 cups minus 2 TBSP of flour (or whatever complex measurement it is).  Then you’ll taste the first cookie and decide that it was all worth it.

I’m leaving for Denver straight from work tomorrow.   Our marketing team works with an amazing group of developers who are based in Denver so we’re taking a trip to meet them.  My boss is bringing the company swag and I’m bringing the cookies.  After my team leaves Thursday, I’m staying the weekend in Denver, working from our office there Friday and then spending the weekend with my best friend Anne (who some of you may know as Brillig.  Moment of silence that she’s not blogging anymore………..).  I cannot tell you how excited I am to see her.  We’re going to behave like teenagers and go to an amusement park Saturday and I’m sure we’ll spend a lot of time staying up late and talking and laughing and doing all of the things we’ve been doing for the last fifteen years.  Plus I am in much need of her wisdom and awesomeness.

I hope to come back Sunday refreshed (though tired) and ready to face life with a better attitude.

While I’m gone, do yourselves a favor and make those cookies.  You can thank me (and The New York Times) later.

July 22nd, 2011 by Kateastrophe

The business isn’t letting up but in the interest of keeping the interwebs informed of my VERY IMPORTANT LIFE, here is a fun bulleted list of goings on:

• Baby maker update (of sorts) is up over at my other blizog.   It’s one in which I go “whaaa?”
• I am currently out on baby showers - this is currently not fun because I’ve been invited to ELEVENTY BILLION in the last two weeks.  To the lovely moms-to-be, know this.  It’s not you, it’s your baby.  OK, that sounded mean.  It’s not you or your baby, it’s me and my lack thereof and it’s probably better that I don’t go because I’ll either punch you in the face out of jealousy or spend the whole thing crying.  Plus, let’s be honest, unless I really, REALLY like you, I’m not stepping FOOT in any place that sells baby stuff so you wouldn’t get a present anyway.  I’d just come, eat your food, cry at you or punch you and leave.  PARTY.
• I have extremely awesome friends.  I know this isn’t new information but I just wanted to make sure everyone knows it.
• One of my extremely awesome friends made THIS crepe cake the other night and I’m fairly certain that nothing I eat will ever taste as good as this did.
• Pinterest is making me fat.  See above bullet.
• Speaking of things that are making me fat, my body has encountered the one downside to my anti-depressant.  Mixed with the seemingly mandatory “miscarriage fifteen” I am officially hugongous.  I’ve taken to wearing jersey skirts because none of my pants fit.  Working out at least an hour four times a week and eating a lot of tuna wraps doesn’t seem to be helping it either.  So basically in the last year I’ve gained a ton of baby weight, with no baby.  God and I are going to have a chat about the horrible unfairness of that one of these days.
• I have turned into an idiot.  After airheadedly misplacing my brand new camera about fifty times on the annual  girl’s trip in California last month (luckily we were at my Grandma’s house so misplacing is a strong word), I topped off that awesomeness with leaving it (and my brand new Nook) there entirely.  I have a quick and easy way to get them back to me but I can’t seem to focus long enough to GET IT DONE.  So Jewels, B and Sara, I’m sorry that we STILL don’t have our picture from in front of the San Diego Temple.  I am going to mark some time in my calendar this weekend to just get it back already.
• I’m going on my first business trip with my new job at the beginning of August.  My new position doesn’t require these often so this is a treat.  It’s also an extra special treat because I’m going to Denver and I get to extend my stay and see ANNE!!  We’ve been horrible best friends for the past couple of years because we haven’t seen each other since the notorious weekend of the Killer’s concert.  I’m so excited to see her I might pee my pants a little bit.
• Does anyone besides me hate the term “BFF?”  I can’t even explain why but I HATE IT.  I am probably guilty of using it in the past but over the last few years I’ve grown to think it might be the dumbest acronym ever - and there are some pretty darn stupid acronyms.  Trust me, I know.  My work speaks only in acronyms.
• I should be working right now…so I’m going to go ahead and do that.

July 7th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

Do you Pinterest?  Because OMG it’s amazing.

If you don’t know what it is, it’s an application that allows you to “pin” pictures to different “board” categories — sort of like an inspiration cork board you often see interior decorators use. I love being able to “pin” pictures to keep them organized rather than trying to bookmark or email myself a gabillion images, ideas, recipes, etc. Plus you can pin things other people have pinned AND follow friends and other people on Pinterest with awesome taste.  It’s highly addicting and I now use it more than Facebook.  I KNOW.

I’ve been on for quite a while now and recently I’ve seen the blogosphere on fire with Pinterest mentions.  I don’t know why it took me so long to talk about it.  Oh, that’s right.  It’s because MY LIFE IS INSANE.

Anyway, if you’re not on Pinterest and want to be, leave me a comment and I’ll send you an invite.  There’s nothing in it for me…just free eye-candy for all! You can see all my boards and follow me if you’d like here.

June 29th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

My uterus looks like it loves me, but in reality? It hates me. Here is a picture of today’s saline filled ultrasound — about which I’ll write more details over on the other blog when I get a chance because really? Who doesn’t love stories of saline pumped where the sun don’t shine? — and it’s confirmed that I have a bicornuate or “heart shaped” uterus. It’s not messing around. It’s more like a two year old’s attempt at a heart. See?  I’ve outlined it in pink for your viewing pleasure.

As a reference here is what a normal uterus should look like.  Flat across the top.  Triangle shaped, if you will.

…one of these things is not like the other…

This news is good and not good. Not good is that I have weird shaped uterus which is most likely killing my babies. Good is that we know what’s causing it. Not good is that it could be a muscle in the middle which is non-repairable. Good is that it could be an internal septum which we can remove easily.

I go in for an MRI later this week and we’ll know more. I never thought I’d be praying for a septum in my uterus, (or saying uterus eight thousand times a day) but welcome to my life. It’s a heart shaped party up in here.

June 18th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

I haven’t written a truly embarrassing story in a LOOOONG time and thought it was high time I added some humor around here.  Lucky for you, this might be one of the best yet.  I think my anti-depressants are also causing some sort of weird don’t give a **** reaction because truly, I should never tell a soul this story, let alone the whole internet.  Lucky for everyone but my spouse I was born without a filter so…onward!  Oh, and fair warning guys, this involves underwear and bathroom talk.  I guess fair warning girls as well.  YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WARNED.

As does any cheese loving woman, I own a few pairs of Spanx.  (Trust me, this is not a paid advertisement for Spanx.  In fact they might pay me to never mention their products again if they ever see this story)  Most of them are the kind that keep me squozen (new word!) from knee to boob.  I get to look two sizes smaller AND have the ability to (slowly and painfully) pull those babies off to the bathroom without having to use that…hole.  Those of you with Spanx know what I’m talking about.  The frightening hole that makes you go “uh, whaaa?” and run away screaming at the thought.  This piece of information becomes extraordinarily relevant shortly.

A couple of months ago on Rue La La (or a similar website, I don’t remember)  they had a super sale on Spanx and one was a set that looked awesome.  It was like a knee length body suit of fat sucking awesomeness.  I tried to find a picture but it appears they have discontinued this particular style - probably for reasons I’m about to expound on (I LIED!  I found it.  You can see it here if you’re super curious).  Anyway,  the price was SUPER cheap as far as Spanx go so I immediately said “purchase please” and wham, bam, Spanx in the mail.

The Sunday after my amazing new fat sucker arrived I was getting ready for church.  I realized I had the ability to wear some of my “slimmer” clothes and I pulled out a svelte little black number that I love to wear when I’ve got the sucker-inners on.   It’s kind of a complicated dress with a high neck and a patent leather belt.  I always need help getting in and out of it but I don’t care because I always look pretty snazzy, if I do say so myself  - as long as I have Spanx, that is.  I slipped on the Spanx and had Matt help me into the dress.  I slipped on my red patent leather heels and addressed myself in the mirror.  Sleek black dress, no jiggly bits, sexy shoes…check!  I was looking good.  Off to church we went.About two hours into our three hour church (yes, we go to church for three hours and someday we’ll have a chat about how awesome that is) I had the inklings of the need to pee.  It was at that point in time I realized I’d gotten myself into a bad situation, thanks to the Spanx (ha!  A ryhme!).  As you can gather from the picture up there, there isn’t a waist band which comes down to allow the bathroom thing to happen.  That baby is like a wetsuit - it covers just about as much and is probably harder to get out of.  Especially when you’re wearing a sexy black dress OVER it.  So, I tried to hold it.

HAHAHAHAHA.  You’ll remember that a few months ago I was pregnant.  Any of you who have been pregnant know how rolling on the floor hilarious it is that I attempted to HOLD IT while I was PREGNANT.   I lasted about five minutes and booked it for the bathroom.

Then the stare down with the toilet began.   It was like a wild west showdown.  I was at the end of the handicapped stall staring that mofo down trying to figure out how I was going to attempt this.  Did I just completely undress in the stall at church??  Well, that wasn’t going to work unless I enlisted the help of someone else.  Remember the difficulty of the dress?  And the fact that I was at church?  Hmmm.  Did I attempt to use “the hole?”  The frightening “how does this work and hwy is it there” hole?  My brain is moving quickly because the need to pee is increasing and sooner rather than later, I was going to run out of options and pee my Spanx.   So, I made a quick decision.  I was going to use “the hole.”

So, I yanked up my dress and then attempted to…um…open…”the hole” with one hand which, given the tightness of the Spanx wasn’t the easiest of things to do.  It kept…shutting itself.  So  I decided this was a two hand job and I maneuvered myself into a position that allowed the use of both hands to hold open the trap door.  Right on time, too because I was seriously about to wet myself.  In retrospect, that might have been a better choice because what happened next is…just…wow.

Guys, somehow by holding that **** trap door open I maneuvered my…stuff…into a weird position and then when I started to pee time all of a sudden stood still. Like a slow motion movie I watched an arch of pee shoot straight out and ONTO THE FLOOR.  OF THE PUBLIC CHURCH BATHROOM. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE WITH GIRL PARTS!!!  But of course it was, because it was me, trying to use the bathroom in full body Spanx.

The first thing I did was figure out a way to, um, aim downward so I stopped peeing on the floor.  The second thing I did was laugh until I cried.  On the toilet.  In church.  Holding open “the hole.”  I’m sure the four year old in the stall next to me thought somebody’s Mom went crazy in the bathroom.  I could not stop laughing.  Finally, when I caught my breath and was able to release my grip on “the hole” I realized I had another problem.  I couldn’t just leave the puddle on the floor!  I mean, I guess I could have and pointed the finger at one of the recently potty-trained young-uns we Mormons are so fond of having so many of, but that just seemed cruel.  So,  the fourth thing I did was attempt to mop it up with some paper towels.  Try doing THAT without getting pee on your hands!  And try not slipping in it in your red patent leather heels.  (Sad note, I accomplished neither).

Then, realizing a simple paper toweling wasn’t really what the floor needed, I got the GENIUS idea to utilize the anti-bacterial hand stuff (which I’m not supposed to use on my hands but do anyway) and another paper towel to sanitize the floor.  YOU ARE WELCOME for the delicious warm vanilla sugar alcohol smell in the handicapped stall of the ladies restroom, people who go to church with me.  Not so welcome?  My hands.  Especially when I realized I was out of anti-bacterial cleanser and the dispenser was out of soap.

Best.  Day.  At.  Church.  Ever.

June 4th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

Guys, I work, like, a lot.

I’ve always had jobs that I was good at.  Sometimes TOO good at.  I could get my eight hours worth of work done in a few and either move on to other projects or whatever else during the day.  Boy oh boy are those days OVER.  Last week my shortest day was 10.5 hours.  This week is looking to be about the same.  Thank goodness my company provides catered lunch for $2 or I swear I would either starve to death or survive on the vending machine frozen burritos our call center employees insist on having.  I eat at my desk most days or run to Paradise Bakery for a sandwich and run back.  Some days I don’t see a glimpse of outside other than while I’m on the way to or from work.

Despite this I LOVE my job.  Lovelovelove.  I love the people, love the challenge, love the strategy, love it all.  Even the hours.  Sure, I totally screw stuff up.   I feel like I’m still learning and there are hard days and things I wish I could change.  But still, job love?  I has it.

Downside?  No time to do much else but work.  It’s been a fight to get to the gym, especially because I don’t do so well at the early morning workouts.  Sleep usually trumps all else.  Matt and I have been trying to set aside time to spend together and that’s usually my focus when I get home.  I’ve got my voice lessons on pause for the moment both for personal reasons and limited time.  I finally convinced Matt it was time to hire some cleaning help.  Our neighbor across the street cleans for cheap and I feel great helping out a friend/neighbor a bit.  They have seven kids and I’m sure lots of bills.  I have her come once a month and I swear, it’s almost the best day of the month.  She does and AWESOME job and is remarkably fast.  Coming home to a sparkly clean house is awesome and it frees up most of our Saturdays now that the deep cleaning is getting done and we can just do the maintenance work. Totally worth the money to me.  Anyone in my area who needs a good cleaning lady, I’ve got your (wo)man.

I’m working on finding other things to help me have more time to do the things I want to or should be doing.  I wish I could hire someone to sleep for me so I’d have eight extra hours a day.  I also wish I didn’t love sleep so much and was one of those people who only required four or five hours.  Oh what I could do with that extra time!!

So, any of you busy people out there have time saving suggestions for me?  I’m open to all things except illegal drugs - even though there are times those sound good too.  Oy vey.

May 22nd, 2011 by Kateastrophe

If you’re friends with me on Facebook you’re completely aware of my obsession with Glee but I just realized I’ve probably never mentioned it here on the old blogarooskie.  I’ll just make it official.

I. LOVE.  GLEE.

I love Glee so much I’ve never missed a show and I’ve spent sort of all my money downloading the songs.  I have also spent a good chunk of cash on Glee Live 2010 and just this weekend, Glee Live 2011.  BEST  MONEY I EVER SPENT.  Both concerts were awesomesauce.  2010 was in Phoenix and in small-ish venue and we had better seats but this year was in Las Vegas and a much bigger show with more songs, better sound, lighting, band, special effects and all that jazz so really they were both equally awesome and both times my cheeks hurt from smiling the entire time.  There is something about this show and the concerts and the kids performances that just radiates joy.  I swore last year I’d pay whatever it took to get front row seats and go backstage and I sort of bailed on that this year for going with friends and almost-back-row seats but I am seriously considering selling my car if there’s a chance to get front row seats next year.

Now, some most people mock my obsession with a show about a bunch of singing geeks and I get that, but I  need to point out that I was (and still am) and singing geek.  If my high school had a Glee club, I would have been the president.  I was in choir and drama classes, clubs and presidencies/councils all four years of high school.  I had big parts in plays, big solos with choir and won Region and State competitions in both.  My friends and I would sit around the piano singing our guts out for hours, sometimes even writing songs (Jewels, I’m looking at you). THEN I went on to college to be a Music Dance Theatre major and now I teach voice lessons after I come home from my full time job.  So yeah, you could say I’m a big time singing geek and this show may have been sent from heaven just for me.

Now I plan to share my Gleekness with you in the form of badly filmed videos from this year’s show.  You’ll mostly want to just listen because YOWZA the camera did NOT like the lighting effects and I sure don’t know how to hold my arm still.  Also, a lot of the time I was looking at the stage and not paying attention to where the camera was pointed.  My bad.

First, I give you the opening number, Don’t Stop Believing. This was the opener last year too. LOVE.

Second, Teenage Dream as sung by the amazeballs Warblers, the all boy choir featuring Darren Criss, aka Blaine. My friend Raschell’s husband has dubbed those of us obsessed with this guy (who is gay on the show but straight in real life) Blainiacs. Very fitting.  And I am one.  You should be, too.

Finally, my favorite song ever performed on the show OR live, Somebody to Love. Sigh.

You’re welcome. Or I’m sorry. Whichever.

April 17th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

In case anyone is interested, all the gory details of my D&E are over on Growing Kateastrophe.  It’s not pretty and I don’t hold back so if you don’t want the whole story, I wouldn’t click.

You’ve been warned.

April 5th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

A few weeks ago when Matt and his friends decided to do a semi-spontaneous (for them) trip to Vegas to watch our college team, the BYU Cougars - and don’t forget about Jimmer - play in the Mountain West Conference Tournament.  I was thrilled to get out of town and spend the weekend in a fancy pants hotel despite not being a huge fan of Vegas as a vacation spot.  That whole Mormon thing just takes some of the lustre out of gambling, drinking and smoking at will.  Call me crazy.  I do, however, love the restaurants, the shopping and the shows.  So I suppose I have a 50/50 love/indifference relationship with Vegas.

We stayed at the Aria for the second time in a year.  We love it.  It’s new, it’s clean, it’s posh and it’s not eight million dollars like the Cosmopolitan (which was actually my first choice.  Boo $400 a night).   We ate at some of my personal favorites - Max Brenner and Serendipity.  We attempted my favorite breakfast at Hash House A-Go-Go but the hour and a half wait was more than our starving selves could handle.  We tried STK at Cosmo which had amazing food, but was SO LOUD.  And apparently making a reservation means they’ll sit you at some point within half an hour of your arrival.  What the what?  If the food hadn’t been so good I would give it two big thumbs down but it’s sort of an in-betweener for me.  Maybe better on a week night when they aren’t trying to make it a club AND a restaurant?  The hotel was amazing though and is absolutely worth just hanging out in for a few hours.  Someday when they lower their rates to less than my mortgage I’ll stay there.

Unfortunately, I missed the really great game where BYU beat New Mexico for the first time this year and Jimmer (if you don’t know who he is, please do yourself a favor and go find some of his highlights.  I’m close to being talked into naming our first child after him - boy OR girl - I love him that much) scored a career high 52 points.  The new job prevented me from taking a day off so I had to fly out that night.  The second game - the championship - was rough.  San Diego State handed out a butt-kicking to the Cougs.  Also?  San Diego State fans are officially my least favorite humans.  It’s rare that people offend me and get under my skin and this crowd was really able to do that.  Insulting my religion and things that are sacred and special to me at a college basketball game with the kind of disrespect and language that they were using is just crossing the line.  I’m all for a good Mormon joke and poking fun at people’s quirks but this was OUT OF CONTROL.  Needless to say that walking away from that with a loss was painful but what can you do?

Oh and we shopped.  I have a new best shopping friend in Matt’s friend’s wife Courtney.  We made out like bandits at Coach, Kate Spade, Banana Republic and a bunch of other stores at the big outlet mall north of town.  Courtney actually did much better than I did but we both walked away with some treasures and matching necklaces we accidentally both wore the next morning.

We had a great time and I think maybe we should make it an annual tradition.  I loved getting to know Matt’s friends and their wives better and spending time with my husband away from our busy lives and responsibilities is always a bonus.  We SUCKED at taking pictures on this trip but managed to get one halfway decent one on our last night out.  It’s only halfway decent because my fat head managed to block out half of Matt’s face but he’s almost really smiling which is rare in pictures and he’s a total babe.  Rawr.  Also, I was wearing sequins. Because it’s Vegas and I could.

 After this trip I decide Matt and I just don’t travel enough, especially considering the relative lack of ties we have to home on the weekends.  There are a multitude of reasons for this and some (many) will even say that I’m lying and we travel more than most people, but I would disagree.  Our Europe trip has been put on hold AGAIN thanks to the new job.  Many of the weekends we’d use to travel end up spent catching up on our much needed and much missed sleep.  Plus I think my idea of travel includes a plane and exotic places I’ve either never seen before or am dying to see again.  The places we can go on our short weekends are limited and, let’s be honest, sort of lame when compared with places like Venice, Paris, London and the other cities I dream of spending all my time in so rather than trucking to Tucson (which we did once.  Snoozer.) we sort of just stay home and try to save up time, energy and fundage for big trips.  But I’m going to try to forget about that and be a little more adventerous and find places to go on little weekend excursions.

I started this weekend.  I requested a Jeep ride without a destination.  If you know me, you’ll know my least favorite thing to do is drive around aimlessly with no goal, no idea where my next meal is going to come from and the possibility of needing a bathroom and not having one.  I threw caution to the wind (literally - you should have seen my Jeep hair) and we drove around the outskirts of Phoenix for almost four hours, listening to music, talking, laughing and just having a blast.  It was awesome and now I’m praying the heat spell we had last week was a fluke and we have at least a couple more months of awesome weather so we can do it again.  I’m hoping for a trip to California in the near future and I’m trying to come up with somewhere new and different that’s within driving distance.  Maybe New Mexico?  Maybe I can pretend it won’t make me crazy and set off without a specific destination and we’ll just find a place to stay?  I may not be that brave yet but we’ll see…

Eventually, so help me, we will get to Europe and have the vacation of a lifetime (scratch that, MANY of them)but until then, here’s hoping for some amazing adventures a little closer to home!