June 14th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

If you’re looking for the Mr. Linky, it’s in the post below!!

If you need to catch up on my story, hit up the Soap Opera Sunday category link on my sidebar.  Just a quick synopsis . . . I’ve been dating Richard for a very long time.  He’s a jerk.  I’m trying to date other people to get over him.  It’s not working.  

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I was trying to date, I really was, it just wasn’t working out so well, as witnessed by the last two dates I went on, so for a while, I gave up and focused once again on Richard.  Once again, he was great for the first week or so that I was “back” and then, the real Richard would rear his ugly head and I’d be back to spending weekends alone, driving to Salt Lake at his whim and wishing the whole time I could just get over him already.

Then I met Tim.  I was working at the sporting goods store and this very attractive young man, very obviously in the military (judging by the haircut) came into the store and just sort of . . . stared at me the whole time he was there.  I was flattered of course, and did my best to give him some attention so he’d know I was interested if he was.  Eventually he worked up the courage to talk to me and we started talking and laughing.  He was on a short leave from the Marine Corps, and my brother happened to have just returned from a tour in Iraq with the Marines, so we had a lot to talk about.  Eventually he asked if he could call me and I gladly gave him my phone number.

He called me that night and asked me out for the next day.  Since I never had set plans, I said yes.

He picked me up right on time and was a perfect gentleman from the very start.  He opened every door, he offered every sweatshirt, asked for my every opinion . . . he had a date planned in Park City, which included a ride on the zip line and the alpine slide.  I was having a really good time, but a few things were weird.  We discovered that he was three years younger than I, which seemed odd considering I was only 22 and dating a 19 year old wasn’t exactly something I really wanted to do.  Then he started to get really touchy-feely and clingly, and it was only about an hour and a half into the date.  He was trying to hold me from behind, hold my hand, nuzzle up to my neck, you know what I mean.  People who really know me might be very shocked by this, but I was totally weirded out.  I barely knew the guy, he was younger than me and he was getting a little close for comfort.  I finally broke down and told him that it was a little too soon and that I needed a little more space.  He continued down the path of being a perfect gentleman and backed off.  For about a half hour.  I spent the rest of the evening trying to stay a few feet away from his personal space attack and when he dropped me off, I told him I’d had fun and got out of the car.  He, of course, wanted to walk me to the door.  Ahhh great.  More avoidance.  At the door he tried to kiss me and I stealthily ducked it and headed inside.  He grabbed my hand as I was on the way in and asked if he could call me again.  “Uhhh, sure.”  I hurriedly agreed and closed the door.

Bad idea, Kate.   Bad, bad, bad.

That day, my first and only real stalker was born.

He must have called eight hundred times the next day.  I didn’t answer my phone a single time because I’m a wuss and didn’t want to just tell him he had touchy-feeled his way out of my good graces.  Also, I was working a twelve hour shift at the sports store covering for someone.  It was a long day of working and avoiding, so to reward myself, I bought the first season of Friends and headed home to watch it in my living room.  Ahhh bliss.

Or not.

Within ten minutes of settling in, my phone rang.  It was Tim.  I ignored the call and put the phone on silent.  Bliss resumed.

Not.

About ten minutes after the phone call . . . (and several others I didn’t hear) my doorbell rings.  Without even having to check, I knew it was him.  So I huddled under the blanket on my couch and prayed he didn’t look through the front door and see me.  Right about that moment, I saw the shadow of his head peeking through the arched glass in the top of the door.  So I pretended I was asleep.  While watching Friends and listening to the doorbell right.  Good cover, Kate.

No lie, he was at the door for twenty minutes knocking and ringing the bell.  I was on the couch pretending to be asleep.  Totally awesome.  He FINALLY left and I finished the disc and headed off to bed.

Two hours later, I hear my roommate Jessica come in and shuffle around in the living room for a second . . . then I heard a soft knock at my door.  “Kate?” she whispered.  “There’s some guy named Tim outside sitting in his car.  He said he’s waiting for you to answer your phone or the door?”

Holy crap.  This guy was getting creepy.  And I knew he kept a gun in the car.
I opened the door and let her in and told her the story and told her I didn’t really want to see him . . . and to tell him I was sick and had been at home sleeping all night.  She went outside and told him and we laughed about it for the rest of the night. (While I was secretly relieved he didn’t go all crazy and shoot somebody).

The next day he showed up at the sports store asking my manager where I was and why I wasn’t there (thank goodness I only worked there part time).  Then he called me another ten million times (thank goodness for caller ID!).  Then he showed up at my house AGAIN (thank goodness I wasn’t home).  This happened about every other day for a week or so.  I somehow managed to avoid him until finally, I got an angry message from him.  He was babbling something about a spiritual connection and how could I and blah blah blah blah.

It was at this point that I decided to completely give up every other man but Richard.  And now my resolve to make him mine was even stronger.  He may have been a jerk, but he wasn’t suicidal, completely socially retarded or psychotic.  I was going to make him love me if it killed me.  I was determined that he was going to want to marry me.

June 7th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Just popping in to post the Mr. Linky for Soap Opera Sunday! I have another day of laughter, shopping and eating entirely too many carbs with my best girls ahead of me, so I’m sorry to once again postpone my soapy tale, but I swear I won’t leave you hanging forever!!!

Happy Soaping! Can’t wait to read!

May 31st, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Hey party people!  It’s that time of the week again!  Soap Opera Sunday!!

Our dear Canadian Flake is hosting this week because I’m pretty sure I lost my brain and my ability to do anything but sing like a trained monkey on stage (two performances down, two to go!).  Also because she’s very very cool.
I am going to try with all my might to get caught up with my Richard saga tomorrow . . . we’ll see what really happens!  Now go on!  Go over and read the soapy fun!

May 23rd, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Word to my homies. (Says the whitest white girl ever born.)

I’m hosting Soap Opera Sunday this weekend, but I have some insanity going on, what with my fantabulous in-laws in town and the last weekend of play practice, so I’m putting up the Mr. Linky now, and I will try to get to my Reason #3 post as soon as humanly possible.

Love, kisses and happy sudsing!!

May 20th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Woah, so sorry this is so late. I’ve sort of been having an affair with my Wii. And now it hurts to type because I totally threw out my arm. Awesome. Ha.

For anyone who played this week, leave your link in the Mr. Linky so we can all read your fun soapy tales! Sorry it took so long. Brillig is moving and her life is a little insane, and we forgot to coordinate. Let’s assume I’m hosting every week until sweet Brill can get moved and calm her life down a bit, k? If any of you want to host, lemme know and I’ll put you in the calendar!

Don’t know what the crap I’m talking about? The rules for Soap Opera Sunday are here. We’d love you to play! Also, remember that we have an anonymous soapy site for those of you who want to play but don’t want anyone to know who you are!! That site is here.

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Ok, to review, at this point in my saga I’ve been “dating” Richard for about a year or so. I’m attempting to get over him by going out on other dates. Last week, you met Dominic, suicidal psycho extraordinaire. Through our lovely interaction, I was introduced to Dominic’s friend Chris, via phone. And now you’re caught up.

Chris and I talked on the phone for a few days and he decided to drive from his home a few hours away and take me out on a date. He seemed really cool and really down to earth so I was excited to meet him. The Saturday of our date rolled around and as I was getting ready, I got a phone call.

“Hey Kate, it’s Chris. I sort of hate to ask this, but can you drive tonight? My car is a mess and it’s not working very well either. I’d hate for you to get dirty and for us to have a breakdown.”

I agreed and thought nothing of it. I drove over to his friend’s apartment and called him from outside. He came down the stairs and I was, within seconds, no longer excited for our date. He looked NOTHING like his description of himself. He was totally bald, had horrible teeth, was dressed in a ratty old t-shirt and jeans, and just looked downright white trash. I already knew this night was not going to go very well.

He got in the car and said he had fun plans for us, in Salt Lake. An hour away. In my car. With my gas. Sigh. OK, off we went. As I drove he talked NON-STOP. I seriously couldn’t get a word in. AND, I know it wasn’t interesting because all that I remember was that he wouldn’t shut up. I can’t remember anything about what he said in the car.

We arrived at the restaurant, which was the best part of the evening. It was a darling Cajun restaurant that I had never heard of before. We had to wait about fifteen minutes for our table, so we went and got sodas at the bar. Again, he just kept talking and I kept zoning out. We finally sat down at our table and the first thing I noticed is that we were practically sitting in the laps of the people next to us. It was one of those places where the entire wall is a bench and then the tables are arranged in front of it . . . so yeah, mui close to the table next to us. This proved to be extremely embarrassing for me, as we sat down and my date, thinking to entertain me, said the most inappropriate thing I’ve ever heard on a date. (And I apologize to my readers in advance and am dreading the searches I will get for what I’m about to tell you all.)

He looked across the table at me and, very seriously, said “Wanna see my straw ejaculate?”

Uhhhhhhhh

Without any prompting from me, he proceeded to do just what he said. I’ll let you use your imaginations as to how it happened.

I almost choked to death on my Diet Coke, and the woman next to me just stared, slack jawed.

I tried to pretend it never happened and continued with dinner, now trying to think of a way out of the rest of the evening, which was to include mini race cars. I couldn’t think of anything! I was the driver, so I couldn’t just ditch him in Salt Lake. I’m mean, but I’m not that mean!!

About halfway through dinner, Chris stood up and loudly announced that he was “going to the urinal to make a gold deposit, then flush it down.” No lie. Those were his exact words. Again, I was speechless and the woman next to me was slack jawed. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. When Chris got back I excused myself to go to the restroom and called my best friend Julia. I told her she HAD to do something to get me out of this date. She, being the genius that she is, text messaged me (thank heaven for cell phones and text messages) about ten minutes later that her fiancé had called off the wedding and she needed me right that minute. Me, being the outstanding actress that I am, played this off perfectly and, almost in tears, convinced Chris that I had to go be with Julia.

It was the perfect plan. I drove him back to his friend’s apartment like a bat out of hell and then went to Julia’s house, where we proceeded to watch Blue Crush and have a great girls night. Chris tried to call me for weeks afterward. Thank goodness for caller ID. I never spoke to him again. About three weeks after our “date” I got a message from him that said “Listen, Kate. If you had a bad time just tell me. Why do girls always do this to me? It’s not fair.”

Yeah, buddy. I can’t imagine why girls always do that to you. Moron.

Once again, the disaster that was Richard wasn’t looking so very bad.

May 10th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

**Updated to add: I am hosting! Woohoo!

Leave your link if you’re playing!

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Well hello! It’s been a while since I played along and I’m very sorry about that. BUT, I’m back! Yipee!

I’m not sure who is hosting this week (it might even be me, if I can get my stupid blog to stupid work my stupid Mr. Linky) but I have a ten hour rehearsal today, so I’m writing this very early so I can get it published and fulfill my obligations to all of you holding your breath for the rest of this horrifically long story!

Not sure what the heck Soap Opera Sunday is? You can find all the exciting rules here. Brillig, my real life BFF and co-host and I would LOVE to have you play along. It’s our opinion that EVERYONE’S life has a little bit of soap opera in it, and we LOVE reading the stories! We even created an anonymous soapy blog for those of you who have stories you want to publish but maybe not where they can be easily read by your husband, child, girlfriend, cat, etc. We also welcome you to link old posts that you think fit the soapy bill! Anything goes, really! If you think it’s soapy, chances are we will as well!

If you’ve already written your SOS story and can’t find who is hosting (like me!) go ahead and leave me a comment and when I get things sorted out tonight after practice, I’ll make sure you get linked up!

The last time I wrote about the Richard saga, we left off in sort of an ambiguous place in my relationship. I was in love with Richard, he was a jerk (oh wait. That was like the whole time. Ha!). It’s somewhere in the middle of our relationship. This week, I thought I’d share some of the horrible first/second dates that occured during the Richard era and caused me to think he wasn’t so bad after all . . .

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Everyone in my life was trying to set me up with someone. They all hated Richard and they all wanted me to move on already. Heck, half the time I hated Richard and wanted to move on to. I’d go on just about any date anyone set me up on in an attempt to fall in love with someone else. Enter Dominic.

My aunt was having an awning built in her backyard and one of the members of the small crew building it was a cute younger guy named Dominic. She spent some time talking to him about himself and then introduced the subject of me. She asked him if he’d want to take me out on a date and he said he’d love to. At that point I got the phone call.

“Katie, it’s Jen. A guy named Dominic is going to call you today or tomorrow. I am setting you guys up. You have to say yes! He’s cute and quiet and buff. You’ll love him.”

“Um, ok. Whatever” Feel the excitement oozing from my voice. She had set me up once before with a guy who was actually really great, it just hadn’t worked out in the end, so I trusted her judgement. I just knew I’d spend the night comparing him to the amazing version of Richard that occupied my mind.

He did call the next day, and he seemed very nice. He was sweet and polite. We set up our date for that Friday. He showed up at my door with flowers (awww) and was, in fact, very cute. I believe he was half Colombian (if memory serves correctly) and he was very exotic looking, nicely dressed, and had a GREAT body. I started to get a little bit excited about our date.

I don’t remember what we did, honestly. I remember him being very soft spoken, and that the conversation wasn’t THAT exciting, but he was nice enough. We ended up back at my house watching a movie. There was a little bit of hand holding, but nothing big, and he lightly kissed me on the cheek when he left and told me he’d call me later.

The next day, Richard had a big soccer tournament up in Salt Lake that I had promised I’d attend. I spent most of the day up there, hanging out with the other soccer players’ girlfriends (at least according to THEM I was Richard’s girlfriend. And I deserved to be! I was at every single friggin’ game!) and then afterward we went to dinner. It was one of the better days I’d had with Richard in a while, so I left his house happy.

When I got to my car, I looked down at my phone and I’d missed SEVEN CALLS from Dominic. He’d left me all sorts of weird “call me now” messages. Um, no thanks, weirdo.

Sunday, the unending phone calls continued. I finally answered from my car, late in the afternoon.

“Kate, thank goodness. I need you. I checked into a hotel room in Orem and you need to come here now. I am drunk, I’ve got a gun and I’m planning on killing myself.”

Uhhhhhh.

I really wasn’t sure how to answer. I’d never dealt with a suicidal person before, and I wasn’t even sure I believed him. It felt more like a cry for attention. PLUS, we’d had ONE DATE. I hardly knew the guy and now, I, one date Kate, was supposed to come to his rescue?

I tried talking to him for a while about why he was there and what he was doing . . . why he felt like he had to end his life. I really wasn’t sure WHAT I should do. Should I call the police? Should I call the hotel front desk? I told him I was considering these options and he totally freaked out and started yelling at me.

At this point I got mad. I didn’t believe him at all. I truly thought he was doing this for the attention and to make me feel bad for him. So I started yelling back. I told him how stupid he was being and that I wasn’t going to do anything for him. I hardly knew him, so why should I? A yelling match ensued, and I remember at one point I just screamed “FINE THEN. KILL YOURSELF. I DON’T CARE.”

A very mature, responsible thing to do, no?

He fired back with “You just told a suicidal man to go ahead and end his life. How are you going to feel if I really do it?”

At that point, I knew for sure he wasn’t planning on doing anything. He was just trying to manipulate me. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him ever again and hung up on him.

An hour later he called me back.

“I’m calm now.” he said. “I am not going to do anything. Will you come pick me up though?”

Um, hell no I won’t. “Call someone else Dominic. I don’t know you at all. It’s not a good idea for me to come get you.”

Another yelling match ensued. He wanted me to come to his hotel and talk to him. Just to talk. When that didn’t work, he used the suicide card again. Then the drunk card, saying he was going to go driving drunk and then I’d be responsible for his death AND whoever he ran into.

At this point, I’d had it. I told him I never wanted to speak to him ever again and that I wouldn’t pick up if he called me and I hung up.

So he tried another route. Later that night, he had a friend who’s name was Chris call me. Just to tell me he was OK. Chris and I started talking about how stupid he was being and Dominic’s plan backfired, especially when Chris asked me out on a date.

Thus ended Dominic . . . and begun my NEXT worst date and Reason #2. . . Chris.

Anyone besides me starting to see why Richard maybe didn’t seem SO awful at the time??

(Dominic was fine, by the way. We never talked again, but Chris let me know that everything would be fine. Apparently he’d tried this crap before with another girl. Classy. Thanks, Aunt Jen.)

April 27th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Well hello there.

I am currently lounging in a fancy bathrobe next to my Mama, who is also in a fancy bathrobe, in a fancy hotel owned by Chain ala Marriott.  (Um, seriously, the SHEETS!?  Amazing.  Also, the Bath & Body Works concoctions in the bathroom?  Fughettaboutit.)

You’ll forgive me for not writing a Soap Opera Sunday today.   I had lots of best friends to see, cute babies to hold and giggle with, lots of crab legs to eat, and lots of hotel lounging to do.  And tomorrow there will be skiing.  I am both excited and frightened.  Mostly excited.

So, I might be missing for the next few days, but then again I might not.  I mean if I can blog from bed . . .

April 20th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

So after the vote, Soap Opera Sunday lives on! (For the record. no matter what the vote had ended up as, I would have at least finished this story for you guys! Cross my heart.) Brilly-pants is hosting this week (thank goodness because I can’t seem to figure out why my Mr. Linky isn’t working!) and the rules are here. Remember that we also have an Anonymous Soapy Site for those of you who have stories to tell but would prefer to remain . . . (dun dun dun) ANONYMOUS!

Now, my neverending saga continues . . . you can hit up the Soap Opera Sunday Category in my sidebar for other soapy tales and the first bazillion installments of this story!!

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I remember so many of the exact details of the beginning of my time with Richard, but it’s near the middle (about where we are now) that things get a little fuzzy.

I moved into a new house with two great roommates and they, of course, immediately heard about Richard. He came to visit rarely and I was up in Salt Lake every chance I got visiting him. We spent most of our time together sitting on his couch watching TV. At first it was ESPN but as the War in Iraq got going, and my brother was part of it, we spent a lot of time watching the never ending war coverage. I think we were both hoping for a glance of Sean, just to make sure he was OK. We were both extremely worried about him. I thought it was sweet.

I took a second job working for a sports memoribila store. I needed more to do after my other job to keep myself busy while I waited for Richard to finish working out . . . or finish his basketball game . . . or finish his soccer game . . . or finish his date . . . or finish shaving his legs (no lie this happened) . . . and Richard needed discounts on authentic throw-back sports jerseys. It was the perfect job for that.

Richard started to rely on me for things he really should have done himself. I was more than happy to be relied upon. I thought that the more he relied on me, the more he’d realize he couldn’t live without me. Thanks to his never ending quest to play sports 24 hours a day, he started having major hip and groin problems that required the attention of an orthopedic surgeon. I found the doctor, made the appointment, took him to the appointment, filled out his paperwork . . . you get the picture. I spent house giving him back rubs and leg rubs in an attempt to ease the muscle cramps and pain. He’d fall asleep on the couch while I rubbed away and I’d just sit there for hours while he slept, wondering why I was doing what I was doing. Wondering why he didn’t tell me he loved me and let us move on in our relationship already. Wondering why I didn’t just run away as fast as I could. He’d be snoring away and I’d be crying. Eventually he’d wake up and tell me I should go home because he needed to be rested for his hard job working at his family’s fast food restaurant the next day. He was the drive-thru operator. Hard job, right?

Richard had no tact and what appeared to be no awareness of hurting me. I’d hear about other girls, other dates, other plans. He’d talk about needing a date to a certain activity and then not ask me to go. I’d get so mad and I’d yell at him for it and then he’d respond with his usual “Kate, we’re not together. You can’t get your feelings hurt over stuff like this. I’ve never lied to you. I’ve never led you to believe we’re something we’re not. You’re my bud and I love you but I’m not a girlfriend kind of guy right now.” Right now. My brain would hear that and think “maybe someday though, right? Well I want to be here when someday happens.” And I’d have to back down because technically he was right. He was being honest with me in that respect.

My friends were so mad at me during this period of time, and they had every right to be. They saw how awful Richard was to me and they hated him for it. They tried everything they could think of to convince me to get away from him. Even at the time, I knew. I knew he was bad for me, I knew I needed to get away, but I wasn’t ready. So I told them that. I always listened to what they had to say and I tried hard never to get angry or offended with them for sharing their opinions. I knew they were protective of me and just wanted me to be happy. My heart just wasn’t ready to let go. I eventually had to attempt not to talk about him anymore because it would cause such a ruckus among my girls. So, by my own doing, I was alone in my hurt, unable to express to almost anyone what I was feeling.

I continued to get a phone call from Richard every night before he went to bed. It was our tradition. Even if we hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks, we talked every single day. I think those phone calls were what kept me in love with him. Late at night, with no one else around, he was the sweet guy I had met almost a year before. The guy I wanted to be with. But it only lasted during those conversations. In the daylight, he was a person I knew well, but didn’t understand and certainly didn’t want to spend my life with. I wanted to find a way for him to be that late night guy all the time. So far I was failing miserably.

I’d get the guts to tell myself I didn’t want to see him ever again. I’d ignore his phone calls for a few days. I’d sit in my office listening to songs with titles like “Letting Go” or “Moving On” and cry and cry, knowing it was never going to work. I’d renew my efforts to find a new boyfriend. It was like he could sense it because that’s when he’d “attack.” He’d show up at my door (something that NEVER happened) or plan the rare, actual DATE, and hug me tight and tell me how much he missed me and I’d melt into his arms and all my resolve to never see him again would disappear.

I was a glutton for punishment. I knew it . . . and I didn’t care.

April 12th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Hi peeps!! I am so sorry that this is a week late! I really suck. I haven’t heard from Brillig today so we can connect on who is hosting this week, so I’m just going to pretend I am and post this and we’ll see how it plays out. I STILL can’t get my Mr. Linky working, so if you are playing along leave a comment and I’ll attempt to hyperlink to you tomorrow. IF you were supposed to host, leave me a comment or send me an email and I promise I’ll give you a shout-out! I you want to host sometime, by all means we’d love it. Again, just leave me a comment or send me and email and we’ll getcha all hooked up!

Don’t know what the heck Soap Opera Sunday is? Well, problem solved, you can find the rules here.

This saga is TOTALLY out of control as far as length goes, so if you need to catch up, you can check out my Soap Opera Sunday category there in my sidebar and have a hey-day. Hope you have about fifteen hours.

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I spent every possible moment of the next few weeks with Matt. He invited me on a family reunion trip to a small town in Idaho where I met every single member of his extended family. They all thought we should get married and kept asking me if Matt had asked me to move to San Francisco with him yet. The answer was always no.

I honestly kept waiting for him to ask. We had SUCH an amazing time together and had never really even had a falling out of any kind. My family loved him, his family loved me. Who needed kissing right?

Well the day finally came and Matt moved away from me. We talked a few times after he moved, talking about me flying out to see him a few months later. Then one day, I called him and my phone call was never returned. He just . . . disappeared. I had no idea what had happened or why until about a year later when I found out HE HAD MARRIED PSYCHO GIRL. You know, the one that was eight feet taller than him and used to beat him up. I found out from our mutual friend Kyle. When he told me I admitted how shocked I was and also mentioned that after we had dated for so long, it was weird that he just disappeared. Kyle’s response to me was like a punch in the gut, even that much time later. “Oh come on Kate. You guys never dated. You were just friends and everyone knew it. Matt never talked about you as his girlfriend and you never were. I think for him [psycho girl’s name here] was always the one.”

Ummmm, ok. I hear they are still happily married and have a beautiful baby girl. More power to ‘em, right? I’ll always think back fondly on Matt. Fondly with a hint (or giant dose) of confusion.

Back to when Matt stopped calling . . . I had to pick up the pieces of my heart and move on, once again. I was SO hesitant to run back to Richard, so instead of going back to him all the way, I decided to mix it up and hang out with Richard and about ten other guys that summer. I did that, but somehow still, it was always Richard pulling me toward him like a magnet. If I had the option of one guy or Richard, it was always, always Richard. His behavior, naturally, hadn’t changed. I stepped back into the pool slowly and hesitantly, but I had every intention of going swimming. Somewhere inside, I just hoped he’d realize I was the best he would ever have.

There was so much random drama that summer. I found out Richard was abusing Oxycontin and that THE EX, who’s name we shall no longer speak, we’ll just call her THE EX, also found out and took it upon herself to tell his parents. Who he still lived with. She was apparently dating someone else but still felt it her job to be in charge of Richard’s well being. This naturally pissed me off. Maybe I was mad that I wasn’t the one to intervene on his behalf and have his parents help him out . . . maybe I was just mad that the girl who I unreasonably hated with all my soul was still a part of his life. Who knows. I tried to be different than her, and go about “helping him quit” in the kinder, gentler, idiot fashion. I was the supportive one and THE EX could be the b****, right?!

As the summer wore on, I got rid of all the guys I was dating except Richard and we were back in the same stupid cycle. I would wait and wait and wait to hang out with him and then every once in a while, he would call and we’d make plans - plans that involved myself driving to his house, 45 minutes away and then spending the evening sitting with him on his couch while he watched Sports Center. For some reason I seemed to think that every moment spent with him was the best moment of my life. Of course, I was still miserable.

Toward the very end of that summer a girlfriend of mine set me up with her fiance’s roommate. His name was Tyler. He was, quite possibly, the kindest, sweetest man I’d ever met in my life. We went on several dates and started seeing each other every day . . . that is, every day I wasn’t with Richard. He was literally Richard’s polar opposite. Extremely tall, light coloring, soft spoken, kind, successful . . . you name a good quality (and naturally any quality opposite of Richard) and this guy had it. We had a ton of fun together, but there was a problem. I wasn’t that attracted to him. The first time we kissed was almost magical, but then after that, it just wasn’t . . . right. I wanted SO BADLY to like this guy who treated me well, actually WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH ME and had like, a life goal and aspirations and made real money and stuff. Every moment spent with him my brain was in a fist fight with my heart in an attempt to get my heart on board. My brain was losing badly.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was doing to Tyler exactly what Richard had always done to me. Always looking for something else. I knew how he felt about me but I played stupid and convinced myself we weren’t exclusive and kept dating Richard. Tyler and I would be out on a date and I’d get a call from Richard. I’d run to the bathroom to take it and we’d make plans for me to get home ASAP so we could meet up. Tyler would drop me off at home and Richard would be parked down the street waiting to see us pull up and Tyler pull away. Of course when I was out with someone else he’d make an effort to see me.

Then, my plate became even more full when a new hot guy started working for the company I had just left. The secretary set us up thinking we’d be perfect for each other. This guy was very cute, very funny and VERY recently divorced. We went out (and made out a few times). He was by no means perfect for me, but of course, I was more attracted to him than I was Tyler. BECAUSE MY BRAIN HAD SOMEHOW WORKED ITSELF OUT OF MY HEAD AND PLANTED ITSELF FIRMLY IN MY BUTT.

And then there were three.

At that point my girlfriend had enough of the way I was treating Tyler and told him I was going out on dates with other people. For the record, I don’t blame her. He was a great guy. Way too great for the person I was back then. Did I like being tattled on? Nope. Did I deserve it? Yep.

I got a call one very rainy, stormy night and Tyler’s voice was on the other line, very hurt and somewhat angry. “I heard that you were out on a date last night. Are you dating other people?” I paused for a long time and finally said “Yes, of course I am. We’ve only been dating for a few weeks and I had no idea you considered us exclusive.” Silence. “I’m so sorry Tyler. I didn’t realize it was something I needed to communicate to you and I’m so so sorry you had to find out from other people. I would like to continue seeing you, but I understand if you don’t want to see me.” Silence, then finally “I’ll think about it and call you later.” Tyler never called me again. I hear he’s very happily married and naturally, living near a beach making a bazillion dollars.

And then there were two.

The hot divorced guy I was making out with decided it was too soon after his divorce to date and ended “things” with me.

And then there was one. Always one. Always Richard.

March 22nd, 2008 by Kateastrophe

I’m writing this early this week so I don’t let you guys down yet again.  I don’t yet know who’s hosting this week and will only have a couple of seconds to publish from California, so if you want more soapy tales, I’d suggest checking out Brillig’s site for more information.  I’m on like, episode 7,454 of this saga, so if you want to catch up, hit up my Soap Opera Sunday category button over in my sidebar and you should find all the fun you need.

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After the trip to San Francisco, everything with Matt was fantastic, even though we still weren’t kissing regularly.  For the next month and a half we saw each other every single day, went on amazing, romantic dates and made plans for fun trips together.  He was such a great guy and so much fun to be around.  The lack of kissing didn’t really bother me because he was so affectionate and wonderful.  We did things I swear you only see in movies.  We went to carnivals and held hands on the Ferris Wheel, eating cotton candy and laughing our heads off.  We spent hours talking about religion, politics and every other interesting topic we could come up with.  We would be driving somewhere and get a wild hair to pull off and roll down a grass hill . . . it was truly an amazing summer we shared.

Right about the time I was thinking Matt might be around for a very long time, the world sort of crashed in around me.

One night, very late, after I returned from a date with Matt, I got a phone call from Richard.  This wasn’t unusual, we still spoke every once in a while, but this call was SO very different.  It sounded like he was in a car with a large group of guys, and he was very obviously drunk.  He said hello and asked what I was up to and how I was doing, blah blah blah. He was kind of rambling and then I hear from the background “Dude, just TELL HER.  You’re driving us crazy talking about how much you miss her SO JUST SAY IT.” That was followed by loud bellows of agreement.  Then I heard Richard say, away from the phone “She doesn’t want me back.  I screwed it up.  I’m not going to ruin her life again even if I am in love with her.”

And.then.his.phone.dropped.the.call.

And then I started silently bawling. 

The words I’d been dying to hear since the day I met him had just been said.  Richard, I had learned, was one of those “honest” drunks, who’d say what he really meant while under the influence.  And he’d just said he was in love with me.  And I had finally moved on.

Less than ten minutes later he called back.  It sounded like he’d been dropped off because the background was quiet.  He asked me if I’d heard what he said.  When I said I had we started talking about it.  He told me how much he missed me and how stupid he had been to choose Tiffany over me and how awful the past few months had been.  For the first time ever, I was very harsh with him.  I told him how unfair it was to call me now that I was dating someone seriously and how hurt I’d been by the whole situation.  He just kept apologizing over and over again.  Then I asked him the question even his drunk self couldn’t answer.  I asked him what he wanted from me . . . and he said he didn’t know.

Then I did what I never in a million years thought I would do.  I told Richard he was too late and that I didn’t want him anymore.  I told him we could be friends, but that was it.  Then I told him good-bye and I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning knowing I had made the right choice and that Matt was the guy I was supposed to be with.  I was confident that, even if we didn’t work out, he was better for me than Richard.  I got a phone call from him around 10:00 that morning.  I answered, so excited to talk to him and plan our day.  His voice sounded funny so I asked him what was wrong. 

“I made a decision this morning.  You’re probably not going to like it very much.  I decided that I’m moving back to San Francisco in three weeks.”

Then I started silently bawling.