June 1st, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Ok, this is embarrassing to admit, especially to the whole world, but today is a proud day for lil‘ old me. Why you ask? I’ll tell you why.

About nine years ago last month, I left for the adventure of a lifetime. I left my comfy home in Provo, Utah and set out for a summer in Europe. First, theatre study abroad in London, followed by a three week backpacking trek with six friends through “The Continent” followed by the remainder of the summer in London and the surrounding areas just hanging out and becoming cultured.

Cut to the last week in June and what is now lovingly referred to as “the death train” from Pisa, Italy to Nice, France and being robbed by Gypsies on said death train as we slept off our horrid sunburns from our day in the Cinque Terra (I know, my life is so hard. But focus on the ROBBERY.) I woke up to find my camera, passport, Eurail pass, new watch, CONTACT LENSES . . . pretty much everything except (oddly) my wallet GONE. Cut to me by myself getting a new passport in Marsailles (Tourist Pointer: Marsailles is sort of boring, and pretty ugly, despite the romanticising of the city my mostest favorite book Count of Monte Cristo) and having three days of total melt down freak out. Cut again to massive spending to correct the problem followed by my stupid eighteen year old self wanting to GO. HOME. NOW. Mind you, I was broke as can be, savings drained, credit card maxed, all family favors called in. I would have spent the remainder of the summer wandering aimlessly through London like the homeless man who made his makeshift home on the corner of our Queen’s Gate school apartment building. So going home was sort of the best and only option.

Cut NOW to me going home and going back to college and deciding to buy a new car and making some pretty dumb financial decisions, despite the awesomeness of my parents who paid for my schooling, therefore I should have been DEBT FREE. Sigh. Alas, I was young and have I mentioned financially stupid? Little by little, I added to the debt that had started when I was stranded in Europe. It was like a little white lie . . . building slowly but surely. Now that I’m older and wiser, I’m glad it wasn’t worse than it was. I’ve heard stories of maxing out student loans and multiple credit cards. Mine was manageable, but still entirely too much.

The ONE advantage I had is that I knew I was in too deep, and I took advantage of the fact that the credit fools thought I was rich or something, because, as horribly in debt as I was, I had a fantastic credit score and a high credit limit and I never paid ONE PENNY of interest. Ever. I transferred my pile of debt from interest free credit card to interest free credit card for five years. FIVE YEARS. Oui.

And again I digress . . . here is the POINT. The POINT is that as of 9:45 this evening, I am officially debt free. The last penny has been paid.

I wish I could take all the glory that comes with this accomplishment . . . but I have to thank my Mother, who hounded me to pay it down, and most especially thank my husband for paying for EVERYTHING while we were dating so that I could get it down to a reasonable total before we got married, and then giving up last years tax refund to help. I’d also like to thank my health insurance company for screwing up last year and having to give me a hefty refund this week for my overpayment.

See? Told you I shouldn’t get all the credit. Haha. Credit . . . HA.

May 24th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Ahhh the memes just keep on comin’! (and i MISSPELLED my original title. I’m so embarrassed)

I am flattered that Gunfigher likes me enough to tag me . . . so here goes. Meme number four bazillion . . . titled “In the Spotlight”

When did you start blogging?
Well, I officially started blogging with this post(and oh my gosh that was almost YEAR AGO??? Where has the time gone?) but it wasn’t until the day I wrote this post that I actually discovered the world of blogging as I know it now. I was searching for a picture of a tiny BYU cougar and came across Daring Young Mom’s old Blogger blog and then, in turn, her current blog and I realized that there was MUCH more to blogging than I had originally thought. I had written some pretty random posts and was on my way to being the blogger I am now, but discovering Katherine’s blog and blog hopping from there showed me what was really out there.

What’s your favorite childhood memory?
Because I have some pretty freaking cool parents, my childhood is filled with amazing memories. But I think the memories that have stayed with me and that I think of most often, I wrote about in this post from my old blog. Every time I hear thunder, see lightening, or smell the rain, I re-live those memories.

Are you a spiritual person?
I am a very spiritual person. I was raised LDS (aka Mormon) by my LDS mother, but my father is Catholic (but not exactly a church going strict Catholic), so I had to decide at an early age if I wanted to take the spiritual route or the “sinner” route as I joke with my Dad (Oh please no one get offended by that. I’m totally kidding I really truly am. I am very lighthearted about religion I swear). I did, and I have no regrets. Having a strong belief in God has helped me more than I could ever say. Abiding by the seemingly “strict” rules of the LDS church has been somewhat challenging at times, but SO SO worth it. I am healthy, I am happy, I am confident in my eternal marriage and family, and I have faith that no one can shake. I feel blessed in so many aspects of my life, and all the credit goes to God.

Do your moral values affect the way that you blog, and if yes, how?
Absolutely. I am not perfect in the “no swearing” rules . . . but I try very hard to keep the subject matter clean and rated PG. My religion and my moral beliefs are so intertwined in my life, there is no way they couldn’t affect my blogging. I live and breathe it, and while I have no desire to push my beliefs on anyone else, they are bound to be part of my stories and ongoing life experiences.

I also have a desire to be readable by all and offend as little as possible. I’m a little “rough around the edges” when compared to some of my same religion, but I hope to be a good example wherever I can and to be uplifting and fun at the same time. It is possible - and for me without alcohol! Plus, if you ever meet me in person, you’ll realize that it’s probably better I don’t ingest alcohol, as many people seem to think I live my life drunk. My boss recently said “the more drunk I get Kate, the more sense you make.” Touche!

What is the weirdest thing that ever happened to you?
My life is seriously so weird, it’s hard to pick the “weirdest.” I am constantly baffled by the weirdness of the world and how small it truly is. Plus, I am a weird, weird person. I constantly do weird things and have fun, weird friends. So there are a lot of things to choose from.

One of the weirdest . . . and funniest . . . and most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me, goes as follows:

Summer of my junior year in college, I was working on my “self image.” I was a theatre major and also participating in beauty pageants (another post for another time) and I needed to be skinny, hot and original looking. Oh and zit-less. So I was working out like a fiend, I’d dyed my hair dark red and I was on the dreaded Accutane. For those of you who don’t know, Accutane is the zit killer drug which basically works by COMPLETELY SUCKING ANY MOISTURE OUT OF YOUR BODY. You are walking around like a dried out corn husk. The doctors recommend dumping an entire bottle of lotion on your body daily, as well as snorting vaseline to prevent bloody noses. It’s SO FUN. So I was hot, skinny and all dried up. See? (OK other than the weird eyebrow. What the crap?)

I had started dating a guy I had met at my first pageant parade (again, another post for another time) and we had waited quite a while to start “the kissing” but once we started, we decided we really liked it, and we kept it going despite my dry nose issues, which were many and sort of disgusting.

I must also say that this was a guy like Jerry on Seinfeld. He’d dump a girl for looking at him funny, or for having a weird toenail. So, I was doomed from the beginning for sure, as I have many weird toenails and many funny looks. Add in the weird Accutane issues and I was done for before we started. I just didn’t KNOW it.

Cut to two weeks after the kissing started . . . and had kept going. We were at his house, which was, at the time, empty, because he was moving out of it to live with his parents (WAS I BLIND DEAF AND DUMB TO THE WARNING SIGNS OF A LAME BOYFRIEND???) and we were alone, in the dark . . . doing what two 20-something Mormon kids do when you’re ALONE and in the DARK. I’m embarrassed to admit this publicly, but it was a fairly . . . intense . . . make-out session that had been going on for quite some time. At some point, I noticed some . . . wetness, on my face. I didn’t think much of it, you know SPIT and all being involved, but it kept getting worse . . . and then I realized what had happened. The horrible, awful thing that had happened:

I
HAD
GOTTEN
A
MASSIVE
BLOODY
NOSE
ALL
OVER
MYSELF
AND
MY
BOYFRIEND

I pulled away and said “uh-oh.” We turned on a light and unveiled what appeared to be a BATTLE SCENE. We were both covered from the neck up. COVERED. I was MORTIFIED. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. Luckily he just started laughing. He went to the bathroom and cleaned up the best he could . . . and came back for some more of me and my hotness.

Five minutes later? Yeah. Another bloody nose.

Followed by the line my boyfriend uttered that I will mock him for behind his back for LIFE.

“Wow, my Mom does my laundry. How am I going to explain THIS?”

Needless to say we called it a night, and shortly after that? He called it a day with me and my hotness. Mama’s boy.

And that folks, is it. That is the completion of my Meme. I hope it also counts as the Kateastrophe of the week, because if my sharing my bloody nose story doesn’t count, then something is very very wrong.

Now I’m supposed to tag five people, but I seriously don’t have it in me now. If you want to play, you can go here to find the rules. Just make sure to let me know you’re playing along so that I can witness some of the fun.

May 10th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

I’m not nice this week. I’m not even halfway pleasant. I am a giant ball of mean, nastyness.

I’m trying not to talk to people. I’m actually trying not to LOOK at people, for fear my eyes will become deadly laser beams and I’ll kill someone I care about. I’m trying to hide in my cube and say nothing.

And yet . . .

PEOPLE KEEP CALLING. Or they keep “stopping by my cube” to say hi. Or they ask me to DO THINGS for them. To like, work. Or they want me to do things like EAT LUNCH WITH THEM. Are they crazy?? Have they MET me this week?

I need a door . . . or a sign or something. They need to know it’s not safe to play near me right now. Maybe I’ll make one that says “Swim at your own risk: lifeguard eaten by a Kate shark and not likely to return.”

If you have a better idea for a sign, let me know. I’m getting desperate at this point.

May 9th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

I woke up Monday morning and just knew this week wasn’t going to go so well. I know I’m not alone in it either. I think there’s something in the air. I know a lot of people who aren’t having the best week. I also know some people who are having a great week. (Hi Hannah! Congrats on the beautiful baby!!) Good weeks are not what I’m here to talk about. Bad weeks. Focus on bad weeks.

Hi, my name is Debbie Downer. Hahaha.

It’s just . . . blah.

I’m tired. I’m cranky. I hurt. I feel fat. I feel nasty. American Idol had BEE GEE’S NIGHT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

This morning, somehow, I slept in until 8:20. I never sleep that late, I have usually left for work by then. And somehow, I am still tired.

I had people asking me the dumbest questions today . . . and I’m usually pretty upbeat when that happens. I usually answer the question without missing a beat. Today? Not so much. Someone asked me what that “thing on your desk that holds the file folders” is called. Someone else asked me what to do when our employer’s pool guy installed a vacuum that doesn’t work and the employer in question doesn’t want to pay for a broken pool vacuum. Someone else showed me a typical, normal, everyday thank you card and asked WHERE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO WRITE THE NOTE PART.

I’m sorry, did I miss the part where everyone but me is an idiot? I was seriously ready to punch everyone in the neck.

Then, on top of everything else, I’m craving FAT. I don’t care what form it comes in. Sugar? Great. Cheese? Even better. Pasta? Come to mama. I’ve been SO good for so long and yesterday? Arby’s . . . and I ordered cheese sticks. Today? Pizza, a giant ravioli and PIZOOKIE (read: a half pound of cookie dough, halfway cooked and topped with vanilla bean ice cream. Granted, I split it with someone but still.). I just did not have it in me to eat a vegetable or whole grain. I am just mad at those little bastards today. I wanted FAT.

Hopefully I can use my magic cheerful pills I’ve got hidden here somewhere to turn this thing around.

Anyone else want to share their bad week? Because, as you can tell, I’d love to commiserate!

April 27th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

So, I realize I have made promises of Kateastrophes and Flashbacks, but unfortunately, this week has been a little insane and I have been unable to deliver thus far.

Please accept my most humble apologies.

Tonight I am flying to Utah for a well needed trip to the ‘hood and to see my gals, Brillig, Jewels and the soon to pop out a baby Hannah, as well as my most loved Mother, sister Tofutti and SHIRLEY! THE GRANDMA OF ALL GRANDMA’S! And I’m there until TUESDAY! FOUR WHOLE DAYS?!?! Wooo hoooo!

If you can’t tell, I’m excited . . . and I have a full schedule.

I will try to post while I’m there, because I know all five of my loyal readers that are not included in that list up there will miss me so . . . but I’m not making any promises.

So in a little less than seven hours . . . let the vacation begin!!

April 27th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Sorry to any of you coming to see the A-listed post. I realized this morning that I posted my ADDRESS for the WHOLE WORLD TO SEE.

I am an idiot.

April 19th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Beat up by a soda can . . .

So, about five years ago, I was driving from my job on the south end of Utah Valley to meet up with Jewels for lunch. I’m listening to music, chillin‘ . . . you know, what you do on a beautiful spring day.

Between songs I hear an odd noise . . . pssssssssssssssssssssssss . . .

“Are my tires going flat?” I wonder? No . . . it’s coming from inside the car.

“What the crap is that??”

I start looking around madly, reaching blindly in the backseat to find the culprit.

Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss . . . it’s still going . . .

“Seriously!” I say out loud “WHAT IS THAT NOISE??”

I’m still reaching around in the garbage I keep in my back seat (I am not really known for keeping a clean car) and I find the culprit. A can of Diet Coke. Somehow it was punctured by one of the under-sear contraptions.

“AAAHHH” I scream as it sprays a fine mist of Diet Coke all over my face and upper body. I start panicking since I’m driving down the busiest road in my home town and it’s lunch time and there’s lots of traffic, and I can’t see because I’m being squirted in the eye.

I quickly turn it around to avoid blinding myself further.

Bad freaking idea.

Now it’s spraying my windshield, and I am, once again, unable to see.

Anyone watching this scenario unfold must have been laughing their butt off. I was screaming at the top of my lungs and myself and my entire car was being misted with cola.

Finally, thinking clearly for at least a second, I rolled down the window and held the can outside of the car so that it wasn’t obstructing my vision anymore. I’m sure anyone driving next to me didn’t appreciate it very much, but hey, I wasn’t being blasted anymore!

I found a side road and pulled over, allowing the carbonation and fizz to finally subside so that the can was no longer a pressurized, blinding bomb. It’s AMAZING how much carbonation is in one of those tiny cans! It “pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssted” for like ten minutes!

Finally, I got back in the car and sullenly drove to our chosen lunch location. Dejected, I got out of the car to face Julia, who had been waiting for me.

I didn’t even have to say anything. All she saw was my wet face and hair and my favorite pink shirt, now permanently stained with what looked like airbrushed liquid poo.

Que uncontrollable laughter.

April 10th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

My friend Anne suggested that I start writing a Kateastrophe a Week so that those of you who don’t know me, can understand more fully my blog title. So, here you go. I hope you are entertained at my expense.

And I promise to do my best to write one of these a week. I’ll probably need help from my friends and family, as I’m sure there are Kateastrophes I cannot recall. If you remember one, a few or many, email me and I’ll add them to the list!

The Kateastrophe that Bred the Name

The name Kateastrophe is fairly new, despite how obvious it was that the word should have been used in reference to me since birth. My husband Matt is actually the one that came up with it, and in a very fitting situation . . .

*que harp flashback music*

Three years ago, I was on one of my MANY trips from Utah to Phoenix to visit my super hot boyfriend (now husband), and, as was our tradition, we went to dinner every Sunday right before my plane left. (I know, shame on us for breaking the Shabot. But we’re sort of over it.)

This particular Sunday we were with our friend Rhonda at the ever yummy, ever crowded Oregano’s, a popular Italian restaurant in Tempe, enjoying Pizookie.

Oh man, I could write a whole post on the gloriousness that is Pizookie. It’s a personal sized pizza pan filled with cookie dough and half baked so the edges are slightly crusty and the middle is gloriously warm and doughy. Then they top it with vanilla bean ice cream . . . seriously. It’s the best dessert ever. But I digress . . . back to the story.

My favorite part of a Pizookie is the crusty edge. There is just something SO GOOD about it. So there are three of us, digging in to this Pizookie, ice cream melting all over it . . . and we’re all, of course, going for the edges. Specifically me. With a spoon. And I’m digging around because one of the edges is stuck. And I’m determined to get it. So I keep digging further, trying different angles, abandon ship, regroup and head back to dig a little more and all of a sudden . . . BOOM. The spoon shoots to the edge of the pan under the crust sending ice cream and Pizookie EVERYWHERE. All over me, all over Matt, all over Rhonda . . . all over the floor.

And there I was, the culprit, spoon in hand . . . dozy look on my face. *blink, blink*

Matt and Rhonda just started laughing hysterically, as did I, once I recovered from the shock. Then Matt, in one of his most clever moments, between fits of laughter and wiping ice cream off of his face says: “There she goes again. Another Kateastrophe.”

And that’s when we all really lost it. And the name was born.

April 6th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

This is the pile I plan to use up before I allow myself to get ANY MORE NOTEBOOKS.

This is the recycling pile . . . And I’ve already half filled the recycling bin (that is the size of a giant curbside trash can)

Hopefully, I can focus enough that by the end of the day I will have a beautiful (yeah right), clean workspace.

Anyone have any organization tips? I’m DROWNING IN PAPER here folks!

*Tree-huggers, I know you don’t actually execute people. And I know I shouldn’t call you that. I promise not to do it again.

March 29th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

My husband is a sweet, calm, careful human being. He very rarely makes mistakes, very rarely makes an accidental mess . . . pretty much the opposite of ME.

Last night, however, we had ourselves an accident ala Matt.

The blinds in our dining room were misbehaving. One side went down just fine, but the other just stayed up. It was totally stuck. So we were both checking it out, trying hard to figure out what the crap was wrong and praying we didn’t have to go find new blinds for our money pit house that we’re putting on the market soon anyway.

Nothing was happening . . . we were frustrated and figuring we needed to buy new blinds. I told Matt we should just give up, the stupid blinds were stupid broken. Stupid. Yeah.

Then . . . it happened. Matt tried to fix the blinds one more time. And down they crashed hitting not one, but BOTH of us. I got hit in the head, Matt got hit in the mouth.

I was in that . . . shocked, surprised and scared mode . . . and I just sort of started to cry.

Matt was bleeding in two places . . . on the outside of his mouth AND on the inside.

It was traumatizing for a few minutes, then it was just funny. Today it’s just funnier, although Matt may still not think so!

There is also a silver lining on our cloud because, while the blinds were on the ground, we were able to see into the guts of the stupid things and fix them! NOw we just have to NOT TOUCH THEM EVER AGAIN.

**Random sidenote that has NOTHING to do with this post. HOW IN THE CRAP IS SANJAYA NOT IN THE BOTTOM THREE OF AMERICAN IDOL? This is just makin’ me angry. Stupid.