May 15th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

In light of the virtual doom cloud that’s been hanging over my blog, here’s something to lighten things up!  This is my favorite SNL skit EVER in the history of the world.  My family watched this with me at Christmas time and I think my Dad almost fell off the couch laughing.  I introduced my bestie JoAnne to it this weekend and she got mad at me for “holding out on all the funny.”

I forget sometimes how amazingly good it feels to laugh until you think you might throw up.  Does a body good. So here you go and now none of you can accuse me of holding out on all the funny.

December 7th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

I’ve spent a good part of my (almost) 30 years laughing.  I’m so very glad that I was born into a family full of fun and humor.  I’m also glad I was lucky enough to be friends with some of the funniest people alive growing up - and lucky I’m still friends with then now!  I’m also lucky to be married to the king of under-the-breath, subtle hilarity.  I’ve got some seriously funny people around me all the time and it makes my life awesome.  

I have more memories of laughing than I do of anything else.  Sometimes it’s just a snippet and sometimes I have the whole back-story to go with it, but I love that I have so many funny moments to look back on when I’m having a not so funny moment.  I truly hope to die with the deepest laugh wrinkles anyone has ever seen.

It’s hard to write down all the moments of laughter.  How do you try to explain why it was so funny that your friend said “my mom is going to crap a bank” and then showed you what that might look like?  How do you describe your brother’s ability to pull his mouth completely away from his teeth and then start BARKING?  How do you put into words all the nights the driver of whatever car had to pull over because the six ladies crammed into it were laughing so hard no one could see or function and you were afraid you were going to get into a crash?  There are little things that can trigger a memory of laughter and make me laugh all over again.  A marshmallow ripped in half, the phrase “rhapsody in the rain,” a reminder of curlers and brush microphones, the cartoons Hercules, Tarzan and Emporer’s New Groove, the movies Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, French Kiss, Clue, Knight and Day, the word “debris.”  In college we created a quote board and hung it on the wall.  I still have it and it’s still hilarious…but only to those of us that were there.  My life has been full of laughter and inside jokes and joy and every year I add more hilarious moments to my list of favorites.  I can’t wait to spend the next 30…40…50…60…(we’re going to stop there.  Seriously.) years laughing my head off.

December 2nd, 2010 by Kateastrophe

29 days to go until I’m the big 3-0.  I’m not sure if the countdown is hurting or helping but I guess the day is coming no matter what, eh?

Both of my parents are big time travelers and both lived in foreign countries at some point before they got married.  My mom’s father was an undercover CIA agent (SO COOL, right?!) and his first big assignment was in the former Yugoslavia where his cover was being the doctor for the US Embassy and he was also in charge of gathering secret information.  They were in Belgrade for almost six years.  They vacationed on the beaches of Italy, my Mom learned to ski in the Swiss Alps…basically the coolest childhood EVER.  She has continued to travel all over whenever possible.

My Dad learned Spanish in high school and college and has a sister who has lived in Brazil for the last 35 years doing service work for the Catholic church so he had always wanted to travel the world.  He decided to get a Masters Degree in Recreation Management but chose a program that sent him to Central and South America for a year to set up camps and other things for the people there.  Then, after my parents divorced my Dad got a huge job opportunity in Mexico City (made possible because he spoke fluent Spanish) so he lived there for five years.  Then, after doing such a good job there his company opted, despite him not knowing a syllable of the language - to China.  He’s been there for most of the last 15 years.  The job has taken him all over China as well as into India, Thailand and even parts of Europe.  As you can see, he travels a lot.

Basically, the wanderlust (well, more like travellust) is in my genes.  I love love love to travel and I do so whenever I can.  I’ve been very lucky to have the opportunities I’ve had to go all over the world.  My first trip on an airplane by myself took place when I was 5.  It was just from Denver to Los Angeles but still, I was by myself and I was absolutely thrilled to be on an airplane, dressed in my favorite dress, gloves and hat.  Not joking.  The travel bug was born.

 At 11 I spent an entire summer in Central Mexico, trying new food, meeting people and attempting (for the first and only time) to learn Spanish.  At 14 I spent a summer in China where I saw Hong Kong, the Great Wall, Mao’s Tomb, the Forbidden City and the Yellowstone of China.  Then I went back and did it all again (and more!) with my husband two years ago.  I’ve spent spent time in Mansion Villas in Puerto Vallarta, slummed it and stayed in Penthouses in New York City, beach houses in the Jersey Short, Florida Keys, Delaware and Long Island.  I’ve camped on the beach in Ensenada, Southern California and Florida.  I’ve walked across the Brooklyn and Golden Gate Bridges.  I’ve done some amazing things but my most favorite adventure was living in Europe for a summer in college. 

I had the chance to study theatre in London with a local college.  There I saw a play almost every day, studied Shakespeare, Contemporary and Musical theatre and my favorite, three days in Stratford upon Avon seeing the Royal Shakespeare Company perform from the front row.  I walked the halls of Parliament, Westminster Abbey, St Paul’s Cathedral, Windsor Palace and the National Gallery.  I saw a plays at the Globe Theatre and shopped at Harrah’s and memorzied my way around The Tube.  I made friends I will love forever and then together six of us decided to travel through “The Continent” for three weeks.  One guy and five girls. 

We had so much fun and so many random adventures it makes my head spin!   We did so many things.  Took wrong turns and ended up in Austria instead of Germany, saw naked drunk men chasing each other in giant tents in Munichgot robbed in Genoa by Gypsies(oh that story….for another day), fell in the Grand Canal in Venice, walked around the Duomo in Florence at sunrise, ate gelato until we were sick, pretended to push over the Tower of Pisa, were kissed by random Roman men on the Spanish Steps, got sunburned at the Cinque Terre, swam in the ocean in Northern Spain, climbed to the top of Notre Dame and the Arc de Triumph, saw the Mona Lisa at the Louvre, rode the train through the Chunnel…it was the most exhausting, amazing, unforgettable three weeks of my life.  Unfortunately I don’t have many pictures because my camera was stolen and somewhere in my many college moves the pictures I did have got lost.  At some point my friends and I will get all our pictures scanned in and share.  Well, they will.  Since I have none.  Sad face.  At least my memory of the trip is still pretty intact and I remember most of the things we did and saw in near perfect clarity.

I talk to Matt about going to Europe now and I can’t wait to go with him.  I know we’ll have a blast and definitely do the trip in a more organized, less crazy fashion, but sometimes I wonder if going back will ever be as grand as it was that first time.  I hope someday I have the ability to send my kids off to Europe with a few thousand bucks, a backpack and a sense of adventure like I had.  That time in my life was the craziest, happiest I’ve ever been.

November 2nd, 2010 by Kateastrophe

As of Saturday, my mood has improved by 1000% (though I’m still on the side of grouchy fo sho but I’m doing much much better).  I’m thanking the makers of chocolate, Diet Coke, Starbucks hot chocolate with toffee mocha syrup and whoever invented the concept of best friends.  Oh and Dexter.

I went to the doctor this morning and things have taken care of themselves without invasive surgery or that hefty medical deductible.  I still have a large cyst hanging out on my left ovary and it appears I do have a slightly heart shaped uterus, but that shouldn’t be a problem unless any future babies decide to burrow in right at the crease.  It might cause problems with delivery since sometimes babies get stuck in a breech position, but other than that, I appear good to go.  It doesn’t look like I have a hostile environment for growing a baby and so these miscarriages APPEAR to have just been natural happenstance.  I might need the help of extra hormones in the future, but we won’t know that until we know that.  The doc said if I miscarry again (oh for the love, please no) that they’ll start running gazillions of tests but he doubts it will get to that point.  Overall it was a good appointment and bonus, none of that no pants dance stuff AND I made my doctor laugh pretty hard.  I think making an OB/GYN laugh takes talent so I’m pretty proud of myself.

So now that we’re through that, what the crap happened to October?  I seriously cannot believe it’s November.  I’ve started my Christmas shopping and we’re trying to decide what to do for Thanksgiving.  Part of me REALLY wants to just go into debt and go on a trip to Mexico or a Caribbean cruise or something equally spontaneous.  But then we realize if we spend money on that, it takes money away from Europe and that is no good at all.  Also, there might be a family trip to China in my future so I should probably save up for that as well.  Yay for exotic vacations.  Boo for limited vacation and cash flowage. 

In the spirit of being thankful, every time I post in November I’m going to try to remember to say something I’m thankful for.  Despite a pretty crappy few months I still have a lot of things that are right so I think it’s high time I focus on those.

Today I am thankful for a sense of humor that helps me get through hard times.  Finding something in a tragic situation to laugh at sometimes makes the world keep spinning and I’m so glad that either myself or someone around me has the wherewithal to help me find humor in life.  The Ladies of Saturday Night Live that was on NBC last night helped too.  I don’t care who you are, you have to admit that Kristin Wiig as the weird sister with the tiny doll hands is some funny crap, Gilda Radner was the queen of all comedy and Amy Poehler does a freaking awesome and hilarious impression of Christopher Walken.  To sum it up: Yay for laughter!

January 18th, 2009 by Kateastrophe

Dancer. We are definitely dancer . . . not because we’re stupid and frivolous, oh no. We are dancer because tonight, we (Kate and Brillig, co-authors of this post) did not sit down ONE TIME during The Killers concert. And we’re pretty sure we’re a little bit high from the guys in front of us smoking a bong the ENTIRE SHOW. We wish we were kidding about that last part. We have the munchies and everything is reeeeeallly funny right now.

So, yeah. We were the old ladies who literally drove to the concert in a minivan and the proceeded to dance the WHOLE TIME. (Brillig confesses to removing her shoes, because they hurt and she’s a wuss. Kate, who chose to wear her insanely high heels the whole time can no longer feel her feet.) And we danced. Cuz we’re dancers. Except, we’re totally human. N stuff.

We got some cool stuff—a t-shirt for Kate, a poster for Brilly (Kate suggests that Brillig use the poster to build a shrine to Brandon above her fireplace… candles are already in place, and Brillig double-dog-dares Kate to wear the t-shirt to church tomorrow morning) (Kate probably will).

We are afraid that when we’re no longer high, this post will not be very funny. But for now, we’re finding it hilarious.

So, here’s a picture of us at the concert. Kate has a big head. Brillig looks like a vampire.

And here’s a picture of the guy you’re really here to see. Hi Brandon.

(We totally didn’t steal this pic off the Killers website. Totally. Didn’t.)

(Or this one.)

Okay, fine. We did steal them. Because the pictures we took turned out like this:

Yeah…

And, for good measure, we stole this one for you too. Because, Hi Brandon.

We had so, so much fun. Like, the best time ever. The Killers plus hanging out with your BFF equals total awesomeness.

For the record, Kate is currently stuffing her face with raw-ish cookie dough. And ice cream. And Dr. Pepper. And Brillig thinks that spinning around in circles would be really cool right now. Again, not joking.

Kate’s arm is shaking. Mormons really aren’t used to being around pot… I wonder how Brandon (who, as you SURELY know is also Mormon—See? We have a BOND with him! A CONNECTION!) copes with it.

Okay. We really ought to end this post. It’s 1:00 a.m. after all…

July 7th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

People, there are LARGE WILD TOADS on the loose in Arizona. Wild, ferocious attacking toads.

If you live here beware.  They are sneaky.  They might do any of the following:

• Jump into the large community pool at night for a nice swim
• Jump into the large community pool at night for a nice swim, unaware that they will become trapped and not be able to leave said pool
• Find the nearest tall dark thing, assuming it’s a way out of the pool
• Swim towards nearest tall dark thing
• Swim towards nearest tall dark thing very stealthily, from behind said tall dark thing
• Not be stealth enough because neighbor woman will  see it swimming toward tall dark thing
• Cause neighbor woman to freak out, screaming “what the hell is THATAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH” and jump out of the pool faster than a bullet
• During that exact moment, JUMP onto tall dark thing
• Tall dark thing is Husband who did not see toad coming (due to the stealthiness thereof)
• Cause tall dark thing (aka Husband) to completely FREAK OUT (and possibly think it’s a snake)
• Cause neighbor man to jump out of pool faster than his wife (and later claim he was “getting to higher ground to see what it was.”  Yeah right, pansy.)
• Cause Kate to try to RUN AWAY IN FOUR FEET OF WATER.  Kate does not move fast in water.
• Latch on to tall dark thing’s  back with claws and hang on tight as tall dark thing flails and screams in pool, still not sure what is attached to his back
• Finally realize tall dark thing is not a way out of pool, and most likely the surest way to death.
• Let go of tall dark thing
• Swim away very fast as humans laugh themselves into hysterics
• Swim towards trap door in side of pool
• Realize this is not a good idea and is next surest way to death
• Spend the next half an hour narrowly escaping hilarious human attempts to save from death by pool chemicals
• Finally succumb to capture in small cooler
• Freak out and jump all over inside of cooler making loud thudding noises, causing humans to laugh uncontrollably
• Escape from cooler and then hang out near a tree
• End humans desire to be in pool for very long time.

I wish I’d had a video camera.  In fairness to my poor husband, if that toad had jumped on MY back, I would have shat myself.  He just jumped and yelled a lot.  And we all abandoned him to deal with the toad by himself.  He is very brave.  And now we need our own pool.

June 22nd, 2008 by Kateastrophe

My cousin and I were walking home from having fabulous fondue at the Borgois Pig late late on Friday night (or early Saturday morning?) and the this drunk guy runs up to us from around the corner and yells

“Hey!!  Do you guys want to go to Lit??”

My cousin, the genius, says “No thanks.  We’re Mormon and married.”  (I’m Mormon and married, she is definitely not but I understand why she said it and thought it was hilarious.)

The guy stands there, confused for a second and says “You’re Mormon and married?  I don’t even know what that means!”

Then there’s a long pause . . . followed by

“OOOooooh so you guys are vegan!!”

I seriously laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.

September 20th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Vegas is/was/continues to be . . . interesting. Pretty much what I expected. Lots of work, two very sore feet, severe irritation with co-workers . . . the bad stuff I expected. With the exception of the night of puking my guts out. Didn’t expect that. Apparently when you eat healthy for a month it’s NOT a good idea to go eat French food. Who knew . . .

The good stuff has been great. GREAT food (in spite of the puking episode). I ate literally some of the best food I’ve ever had while on this trip. John Dory (a fish? What the?), Dover Sole, fresh handmade ravioli (cheese, sweet pea - not the flower, artichoke, asparagus . . . mmmmm), strawberry/vanilla baked alaska, chocolate hazelnut dome thingies with raspberry sauce . . . AND the good news, it was all not paid for by me. I got an AMAZING aromatherapy massage (they had me fill out a questionnaire and then CUSTOMIZED a scent just for me! It was so amazing.)

The Mandalay Bay, where I’m staying, is WAY better than I expected, and THEhotel, where my company had a hospitality suite is spectacular. And contains the funniest . . . “thing.” Everything is “THE” THEcoffee cafe. THEbar. THEnotepad. THEsparkle. And the best one of all:

Who knew you could find that kind of comedy in the bathroom? On the toilet paper??

And.

Oh my gosh the AND. Are you guys ready for the A-N-D?

I’d like you all to meet the newest member of my family:

Her name is Carla Mancini (I think I shall call her Cini) and she’s the most beautiful, brilliant, amazing little red patent leather bag with ivory grosgrain lining that ever was born. I will protect and love her as long as I am breathing. My unbelievably amazing boss saw her in a store and told me I had to have her. I tried to argue with said amazing boss but she INSISTED that I bring her home. After a few minutes you just don’t argue with your boss when she INSISTS on something. Especially when the something she is insisting on is THAT BAG and tells you that you are not required to spend moolah to bring her home. She is sitting next to me in the front seat on the car ride home tomorrow.

So, tomorrow I have one more meeting in the morning and then I drive home. I can’t wait to see my husband. I’ve missed him like crazy this week.

Also, it’s time to start packing. The official closing date is set for the new house. September 28th. No news on the old house but I’m sure we’ll have some soon. For now I’m trying to get excited and pick paint colors for the new house!

And trying to ignore the fact that I have to pack. I hate moving.

July 6th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

This is an ad for the Sony Bravia TV. And it’s probably the coolest commercial I’ve EVER seen.

This is a cool little mini-documentary about how they made it.

Doesn’t it make you want to put on all white clothes and run through a paint fireworks show?

May 30th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Well, let’s see. I could talk about a lot of things.

I COULD talk about the gondola ride through Naples that my Grandma surprised us with.

I COULD talk about the Hotel Del Coronado and all of it’s fabulousness.

I COULD talk about my SWEET new Dell Laptop, courtesy of my place of work.

But I won’t. At least not today.

Instead? I’m going to show you some pictures. Some awesome, HILARIOUS pictures from our anniversary weekend that have nothing to do with us or our anniversary.

Picture A was taken on the beach in front of the Hotel Del. We were walking along, snapping sunset pictures on the gorgeous beach when we walked past what I believe is the most ingenious use of toilet paper ever.

Picture B (aka “THE BEST PICTURE EVER”)– is Jose Canseco. Jose Canseco by himself, kind of interesting to run into at Huntington Beach. Want to know what is really interesting? Jose Canseco . . . in tight biker-esque swim shorts at Huntington Beach. Even more interesting? Jose Canseco in MOON BOOTS and tight biker-esque swin shorts at Huntington Beach. See?

Seriously, when we saw the picture of Jose Canseco in moon boots and tight swim trunks that we had miraculously captured after jogging after him and just randomly snapping away, trying to look inconspicuous, we were rolling around on the floor and laughing to hard we couldn’t see or talk for about twenty minutes.

We had a wonderful weekend, full of fun, romance and immense amounts of food. I will catch you all up on that later. For now, enjoy the pictures. Jose Canseco obviously wants it that way.