November 9th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

Um, hi blog.  How you been?  Lonely?  Ignored?  Sorry ’bout that.  Don’t get mad.

So things have been, as per usual, crazy.  I don’t know why I’m ever surprised that no matter how un-busy I’m supposed to be life always gets crazy.  I’ve been up to my earballs (you heard me) in contract work - I now have a full-timeish gig and another (higher paying!  Woot!) one that shouldn’t take a lot of time long term but right now needs lots of attention.  I’m loving the work, loving the interaction and learning a lot both about these companies and my actual abilities.  I will admit after the failure of my last job, I was starting to doubt my career choice as well as my talents.  This whole thing has been hard but good for me.

During the craziness Matt and I took a little road trip to Utah.  He went hunting and camping with his Dad and brother.  He went with strict instructions that if they were to kill something, no meat was to enter my house.   I barely know what to do with ground beef let alone a deer or elk or whatever they hunt out there.

While they did the manly stuff, I got to go HOME!  And hang out with my MOM!  And my FRIENDS!  And see the mountains changing colors, go for walks in the crispy fallness and have an all around great time.  It was perfect.  Then after Matt finished hunting, we got to hang out and do more fun stuff.  It was a great trip and I came home feeling very relaxed, which is good because I had tons of work to do back here.

No news on the baby front.  It’s interesting that I was able to get pregnant before just LOOKING at Matt and now that we have a tiny inkling of hope and some things to try in an attempt to keep that baby in there, we can’t get pregnant.  What the what?  It’s been six months and…nothing.  Now I realize for some this is no time at all but, given my previous experiences, it’s a new challenge.  My cycles, after years of being exactly on time and predictable are ALL OVER THE PLACE.   One month I have a normal cycle.  The next month, 34 days - six of which I naturally spend thinking I’m pregnant again despite negative pregnancy tests.  It’s madness up in there.  I’m sure it’s stress related so I’m trying hard just to stay calm and take deep breaths.  If you know me at all, it’s not working very well.  Shocker.  Hopefully both my reproductive system and I can just calm the hell down already and try this madness again, this time with better results.  I think my biggest challenge lies ahead though.  If I actually can get pregnant anytime soon, I’ll immediately start stressing all over again that I’m going to lose that baby too.  Since the last miscarriage was in the second trimester I don’t even get to feel safe after 12 weeks.  Party in my uterus, right?  Too bad I can’t take Xanax while pregnant, right?

Let’s see…what else is going on?  I’m trying to workout more consistently (what else is new) and making more meals since I’m working from home most of the time.  I’ve also been perfecting the art of sourdough bread and much to my delight, it’s working and DELICIOUS.  This baking thing might not be so bad!  It’s making my kitchen look like a flour bomb went off  and I think my Kitchenaid will never be the same but whatever.  Yay for delicious bread!   Next on the list is sourdough ciabatta. Hold me!

The weather in Phoenix has been delightful and even fall-ish, which is awesome.  I’m wearing a sweater today and I even bought some fall boots…now if I could just liposuction my calves to fit into them a little better.  Anyone have a solution for ugly bunchy kneed jeans under boots (that isn’t leggings?  This butt doesn’t wear leggings)?  It makes me look like a marshmallow man.

We’re heading back to Utah for another week for Thanksgiving.  All my siblings will be there which should be super fun.  It should be freezing which is crappy because other than the above mentioned ill-fitting boots, I don’t have any close toed shoes.  So I’m going to have to figure something out so I don’t lose any of my piggies to frost bite. I guess that’s what the Nordstrom Semi-Annual Sale is for, right?!

Well, I guess that’s that.  You’ve been updated.  Not very exciting, but there it is.  My life is busy but not exciting.  Woot!

October 14th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

Who knew staying home for a month could cause so much business??  Yowsas!  We’ve had guests for a month straight and I’ve had all sorts of other random stuff to keep me running around like crazy.  Also, Matt has been great at not doing dishes and claims he does it out of love to give me something to do…so… there’s also been a whole lot of that.

So, there’s news.   The unemployment didn’t last long.  I’m back to work on Monday but this time with a new, fun twist!  I’m CONSULTING!  This is great for a lot of reasons but making my own schedule and working from home a lot of the time are the two glaring bonuses to this arrangement.  Another plus is that if it doesn’t work out it’s a much easier break.  On top of all that, it’s a cool company with cool technology and cool people.  So that’s that.  We’ll see how it goes!

In other news I taught myself how to make puff pastry today.  This is good and bad.  Good because YUM and I’m wrapping it around Brie so double yum.  This is bad because I now know what is IN puff pastry and it’s name is lotsofbutter.  I got fatter just unwrapping the stuff.  Also bad is the labor intensive nature of folding said butter into the pastry dough then letting it sit for 30 minutes in the fridge, repeated five times.  Needless to say that I went nowhere this morning while I was doing all that folding and waiting.  But I feel very accomplished and domestic.

I wish I had more time but I’m off.  I have a dinner party tonight and I’m still in my workout clothes.  The ones that I put on at 7:30 this morning with every intention to exercise until I got distracted by all the butter.  And all the Mad Men on Netflix.  Oops.

September 28th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

Soooo, um…I sort of am, like, not working anymore?!

It’s a really long story and a whole bunch of explaining/complaining/venting/overworking/undertraining/blah blah blah.  I really thought that this was my dream job and I was going to be there for a really, really long time and it became more apparent every day that it just wasn’t a great fit and the time came to cut ties.  I was working way too much.  I was way too stressed.  I was struggling in some critical areas…also?  I’ve decided Idon’tlikeworkingforwomen.  There, I said it.  Once again, I’ve set the feminist movement back a bazillion years but it’s how I feel.  I could talk forever about why and give examples but it’s really not worth the trouble.  The sum of the parts is that I am currently a housewife.

I have several job opportunities and possibilities in the works, most of which involve more money and what I think is a better fit for me both professionally and for my sanity.  However, there’s a part of me that just wants to chill out for a few months and just (gasp!) stay home.   This last 19 months have been some of the hardest of my life.  I’ve been more stressed, more emotional, more exhausted, more mentally and especially more physically drained than I imagined a human could be.  I really think I could use the break.  With the exception of the three months I spent in Europe in (gulp) 1999, I’ve had never gone more than a few weeks without a job since I was 15.  That means I’ve been working just as long as I was alive before I started working.  I know, waaah, everyone does it and many people work significantly longer but I’m just SAYING, I’ve been running this rat race for a long long time and Mommy (me, though I am keenly aware I’m not a Mommy) might need to sit down.

Now we all know that because it’s me, even if I take a year off, I’ll be busier than ever.  BUT, it will be on MY terms.  I’ve been thinking about trying to teach voice lessons three or four hours a day and have already begun getting back into a hard core workout routine.  I’ve created a cleaning schedule and I have plans with friends at least twice a week.  Tomorrow I have a baby shower, a date to go hang out with my newly pregnant friend AND I’m going to learn how to make sourdough bread and getting my own starter!!  I’m looking at spending a week in Utah and helping my Mom get some of her office technology in order as well as getting some fall leaves, cool weather and time with friends I’ve been missing a ton lately.  I’m making dinner, reorganizing/decorating my house and working on a plan for our completely barren back yard.  See what I mean?  I’m swamped!  Plus, it seems Matt likes to come home and in his most manly voice say “Woman, where’s my food.  Take off my shoes.  Get me a soda.”  Then he laughs for like ten minutes.  He’s hilarious, no?

It’s a definite lifestyle change for us - me particularly.  No more willy-nilly spending and brainless iTunes purchases (SERIOUSLY they shouldn’t make it so EASY!).  Lucky for us we have a lot of cool stuff and were running out of toys to buy and I have a lot of clothes that don’t fit so when I lose a few pounds it will seem like I have a whole new wardrobe!   It will be like shopping in my own closet!  If it weren’t for health insurance (don’t get me started) I probably wouldn’t have to change much of anything.  But here’s the coolest part.  My husband is magical with money.  He somehow manages to make a dollar stretch into two.  He always seems to make whatever money we have enough for the bills, savings, tithing and some fun - no matter how much or how little it is.  Matt supports me either way, we’ll be OK financially and somehow I feel less stressed now than I have in almost two years.  That is a good sign I’m on the right track.

August 2nd, 2011 by Kateastrophe

So, um, my world sort of blew up (AGAIN!  How does this keep happening!) this last week and work is, as usual, craziness.  I don’t have much time to process what’s going on let alone deal with it and get my work done.  I have chosen to focus on work and baking cookies.

What’s that, you say?  Cookies?

Yes, cookies.  I took the time on Sunday to create the dough for the famous New York Times chocolate chip cookies and then spent this evening, after letting them chill for the recommended 36 hours, baking like fifty bazillion of them.   People, they are as good as the rumors.  They are also difficult to make.  And if you’re me, you’ll explode butter AND flour all over your kitchen twice.  This will cause you to panic that you now have less than the precisely measured 2 cups minus 2 TBSP of flour (or whatever complex measurement it is).  Then you’ll taste the first cookie and decide that it was all worth it.

I’m leaving for Denver straight from work tomorrow.   Our marketing team works with an amazing group of developers who are based in Denver so we’re taking a trip to meet them.  My boss is bringing the company swag and I’m bringing the cookies.  After my team leaves Thursday, I’m staying the weekend in Denver, working from our office there Friday and then spending the weekend with my best friend Anne (who some of you may know as Brillig.  Moment of silence that she’s not blogging anymore………..).  I cannot tell you how excited I am to see her.  We’re going to behave like teenagers and go to an amusement park Saturday and I’m sure we’ll spend a lot of time staying up late and talking and laughing and doing all of the things we’ve been doing for the last fifteen years.  Plus I am in much need of her wisdom and awesomeness.

I hope to come back Sunday refreshed (though tired) and ready to face life with a better attitude.

While I’m gone, do yourselves a favor and make those cookies.  You can thank me (and The New York Times) later.

March 21st, 2011 by Kateastrophe

SO, my cold got better.  And then we got a whole lot of wind here in the Valley of the Sun.  Que my allergies.  It’s been super pleasant.  I’m a sneezing, non-breathing machine.  Pleasant.

Work continues to be awesome and challenging and everything I think a job should be.  My cube is dark and cold but the people are still amazing and I still love what I’m doing.  It’s been a whole two weeks of doing it so I’m sure at some point I’ll have a day where I hate it, but for now, two thumbs up other than the fact that I’m currently procrastinating fixing the report I’ve got open in another window right next to this one…at 9:00 at night, after working on it most of the afternoon.  It was my first big report and, shockingly, I screwed it up.  My bad.  But what’s awesome is that no one is mad at me and they’re all helping me learn how to fix it.  Best screw up ever.

In other news, everyone in my office loves Thai food and that seems to be the lunch meal of choice.  I myself have never been a huge Thai fan but I decided to give it another go.  So far, so good.  Not a whole lot of Thai spice for me but Pad Thai is surprisingly delicious.  I know you’re all very excited about that discovery for me.  You can stop the applause.  Seriously.

In sort of non-work related news, there’s been lots and lots on my mind lately.  Between the unbelievable natural disaster in Japan to the uneasiness in so many countries, I’m worried about the world in general.  Then there’s just a lot going on with myself and people/things around me.  I can’t talk about most of it because a) I don’t really want to talk too much about work here, b) some of the things on my mind are not at a point where I can share them or they are not my stories to share, and c) quite frankly I just don’t have time to hash it all out.  It’s frustrating because I am not used to being THIS busy and I usually have more time to attempt to be there for the people around me more than I’ve been able to lately.  I’d probably feel really guilty if I had time to really stop and think about all the things I’m NOT doing, especially for others.  I won’t even get into the things I’m not doing for me.  Let’s put it this way…we just barely put our dining room table back in the dining room from when we moved it out for my birthday party.  On December 30th.  I’m sure you can imagine the state of my bathrooms.  Where’s that housekeeper I ordered?!

Hopefully things calm down soon and I have some time to enjoy the amazing Phoenix weather before we start burning alive.  Sadly, that is just around the corner.  Yay summer?

February 7th, 2011 by Kateastrophe

It appears that my prayers to get out of my own head and find ways to be happy and productive have paid off in a big way.  January made a diving save on day 28 and is officially forgiven for sucking so extraordinarily.  I’m so grateful it redeemed itself and it seems my prediction that 2011 will be my best year ever has already started to come true.

I just got back from a five day Disney World vacation and while I was there I got word from back here in AZ that I was offered a dream job at a dream company.  With a dream salary and dream benefits.  Downside?  I had to give my notice today exactly five minutes after returning from said Disney vacation and watch the mayhem unfold.  OK fine, that’s not really a downside.  It’s more like a little hiccup which will cause the next three weeks to be a little strained and stressful.  But it’s so worth it.  I’m giddy with excitement.

For the record, Disney World is the most magical place on earth and I want to live there.  With these girls.  Love them.

Yay for DisneyWorld and yay for new jobs.  Happy Monday and even Happier February!

August 31st, 2010 by Kateastrophe

Six years and 24 days ago I moved to Phoenix in the middle of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad summer heat.  I packed everything I had into my little Corolla S and a small Uhaul.  I put in a mix CD of songs about “Breaking Away” and “Changing Lives” and made my way down the freeway, following love and a new job.  I cried because I was leaving home and scared that nothing was going to work out and I’d be stuck in Phoenix with nothing.

Lucky for me both the new job and the love worked out in a big way.

Matt and I were married ten months after the move.  He is my heart and soul and even though there are moments I miss my home town, being near him IS home.

The job I kept until a year ago today and I still miss it.  I think I truly grew up there.  I got my first big promotion, my first real title, went on my first business trip, earned the trust and respect of big important people and got my first huge, eye-popping raise at Vcommerce.  I made friends I’ll never forget, saw things that changed my life and learned things that have made me a much better person.  Walking out the door was one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever done.

However.

This year has given me a lot of new experiences and most importantly, new perspective.  Some crazy (CRAZY!) things happened recently that made me realize that being let go was probably the best “accident” of my life.  Not being at that company or affiliated with some of the people there right now is a really, really, REALLY good thing.  My new job isn’t “ideal” but it’s wonderful.  It’s low stress, secure and the people here are awesome.  I’m learning a lot about a new industry.  Every day it seems new opportunities, some a little more up my ideal career alley, are forming for me.  My expertise and input are valued and utilized here.  Plus, I’ve got a kick-a Assistant Vice-President title that comes with officer level stock match.  It’s awesome. 

This job also helped me make some personal decisions that I don’t think I would have made at the last job.  The baby we lost wasn’t planned but when I was pregnant I realized that if it’s something I choose to do, I can do this job and be a good mom.  I don’t know if I could have balanced things as well at the old job.  Now I feel a lot more comfortable with the possibility of (gulp) having a baby (shh don’t tell).  I have more time to try to be a good wife, sister, friend, chef, exercise junkie, house cleaner (ha! yeah right) or whatever I want to do after work.  I’ve read more books and I’ve spent more time getting to know wonderful friends from church and the neighborhood.  I might even have time to start teaching voice lessons and put that Musical Theatre degree to use!

Needless to say, this job has been a really good thing for me. 

So, as is always the (cliche) story with my life - anyone’s life, really - years later I can look back at the things which, at the time, seemed like the end of the world and realize that they were truly for the best.  Sometimes I look back and feel lucky to have been lead to where I am.  Sometimes I look back and am proud of the decisions I made to get to this place.  Sometimes I laugh at the follies that landed me here.  No matter how I look back at it, I have zero regrets. 

I love my family.  I love my friends.  I love my home.  I love my job.  I LOVE my life.

I can’t wait to see what happens the next 2,214 days.

October 12th, 2009 by Kateastrophe

Ummmm hai.  Missing from Bloglandia much?  That’s me!

I have no time for a real post so here’s a quick catch-up list.  Bullet style.

• Started my new job on Wednesday at 9AM
• Brain exploded Wednesday at 10AM
• Brain began oozing out my ears and nose by Wednesday at 12PM
• Went home at 5 PM Wednesday and died.  After Glee, natch
• Resurrected myself Thursday morning at 6 AM.  WHO GETS UP THAT EARLY?  Oh that’s right, now I do.  SHOOT ME NOW.
• Did it all again Thursday and Friday
• Stayed up way late Friday night
• Rinse and repeat Saturday, add a birthday party for my girl JoAnne (henceforth known as JoJo)
• Lots of church on Sunday
• Lots of naps on Sunday
• Return to the top and repeat for all days of this week.

The new job, so far, is a new job.  I won’t give a lot of detail but I’ve moved from the Retail Technology world to Real Estate and from Marketing to . . . something else, title of which I’m unsure.  No, I’m not a real estate agent.  I’m working on the corporate side.  Think big company.  HUUUUGE company.  Lots of Excel spreadsheets.  Hold me.  I’m overwhelmed, stressed and a wee bit freaked out.  The people are awesome, I just have a whole new language to learn.  Luckily I’m getting a month of training during which I can make every mistake known to man and have someone fix it for me.  Bonus round, I have a fifth floor corner office with a view of Camelback Mountain and I’m close to some great shopping and restaurants.  Good-bye, paycheck, hello Louboutins!

October 2nd, 2009 by Kateastrophe

I think I’m mourning the loss of my job.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who has felt this way after getting laid off, but I think it took me a little longer to figure it out.

The day I was let go I was given about twenty minutes to get my stuff and get out.  There was a meeting in the conference room consisting of those who were being hired on and “they” didn’t want those of us who weren’t staying around causing any “trouble” with those who were.  It was absurd, to say the least.

I worked at this company for five years and 22 days.  10,616 hours.  I spent more time there than I spent at home.  The job took me to Hawaii, Florida, New York, California and Nevada.  My taste buds experienced misery and ecstasy on my business trips.  My feet ached at trade shows as I showed off my hard work and helped create new business.  I participated in some of the biggest deals in eCommerce history.  I sweat, cried, bled, screamed, and laughed my way through my time there.  And now it’s over.  I had 20 minutes with which to consolidate five years of my life into a box.  A BOX.

I tried so hard to keep it together as I was madly trying to decide what to keep and what to let go.  I pretty much failed as the tears overflowed out of my eyes.  I tried to hide them from anyone who walked by or offered to help but I’m sure they saw.

Three weeks later, there are still moments where the hurt is so sharp I almost cry out.  I found a pile of business cards in the purse I was cleaning out last week and I had to sit down to cope with the profound loss I felt as I saw my name and title and realized it was mine no more.  My box of crap is still sitting by the front door and I can’t force myself to go through it because I know every piece of paper or small trinket will remind me of a special moment or experience I had at a place that no longer exists.

I know I’ll get over it and, as my Dad says, they were doing me a favor.  And that box isn’t going to sit there reminding me of my loss for much longer.  I got three offers today and I’m pretty sure I’ve decided which job I’ll be taking.

Employment, I hope you’re ready for me.  Because I’m coming at you with a vengeance.

June 22nd, 2009 by Kateastrophe

I used to think travelling for business was so glamorous. The fancy hotels, the decadent meals, seeing new and exciting places . . . it all sounds so amazingly fun.

I learned very quickly that fun it’s not. What it’s more like is regular work times fifty. And on top of that, you don’t think about a whole world of negatives when you originally think of going on a fancy business trip. Below is a list of my negatives just from this last week.

• Sleep Schedule Issues
  • When you live on Pacific Time and then you head to the East Coast where your trade show starts at 7 AM, that means your alarm must go off at the inhumane hour of 3 AM in your brain.
  • Waking up every ten minutes in a panic that you slept through the opening of the conference
  • You’re Mormon and therefore don’t drink coffee
  • You quit Diet Coke
  • Let’s just say you’ll never feel awake again
  • You come home and wake up on East Coast time. Hello, 5:30 AM. It’s so nice to see you after three hours of sleep. No, really!
• Travel Diet
  • While it really SOUNDS awesome to eat at fancy restaurants every night, the caloric intake of a single bowl of Lobster Mac & Cheese will ASTOUND you
  • It will also astound your thighs
  • I feel fat. Like, a lot fat
  • How can you possibly choose salad when they’re serving homemade GNOCCI??
  • I have zero self control
  • I also love pasta
• Hotel Gyms
  • Um, EW?
  • Too many people vying for the 10 lb dumbbells
  • Inept knowledge of weight lifting terms, causing you to consult your stick figure people to do your workout
  • Other people at the gym make fun of you for said stick figures
• Your husband hates to talk on the phone
  • This causes your conversations with Mr. Prince Charming to go something like this: (for an ENTIRE WEEK)
    • “Hey! How was your day?”
    • “Same”
    • “Anything exciting happen?”
    • “Nope, same old thing.”
    • “Um, eat anything good for lunch?”
    • “Nope same old thing.”
    • “WHY ARE WE EVEN TALKING ON THE PHONE???”
• No washer and dryer
  • Stinky suitcase clothes. Enough said.
• Hotel “Issues”
  • Say, like . . . what are you supposed to do when the plug in the bathroom just doesn’t work and you have ten minutes to blow dry your hair?? It’s not like you can go use another bathroom! You’re TOTALLY SCREWED!
  • Four dollars for a bottle of water? SERIOUSLY?
  • No cell phone coverage in your room
  • Sketchy internet. Not good when you’re paying $15 a day for it now, is it?
  • $4000 for gooey oatmeal breakfast. Even though it’s not your dime, it’s still painful
• Eating alone (which is a perfect introduction into my next thing . . . )
• Travelling Business Men
  • SERIOUSLY? You can’t tell I’m married?? This twelve millimeter band set on my hand with sparkly diamonds doesn’t give you a tiny hint??
  • If you call me a tall drink of water one more time I’m gonna throw MY tall drink of water on your stinking face
  • No I do NOT want a ride to my hotel
  • No I will NOT tell you what hotel I’m staying in
  • No I will NOT drive you to YOUR hotel
  • I think I will start using Regina Felangie as my eating-out-alone-business-name. And I shall always say I’m staying at the Ritz
• Flying
  • OH MY GOSH I hate flying more than once a week.
  • Sometimes your 45 plane flight is delayed five hours. You could have rented a car and driven to your destination in significantly less time. And in more comfortable seats
  • Sometimes you’re surrounded by “The Crazy Family.” This family, returning from a cruise, apparently has restless leg syndrome and cannot sit down EVER. During a FOUR HOUR FLIGHT.
  • Mrs. Crazy? Yeah she’s doing calf raises and yoga stretches in the aisle with her butt in your face.
  • Mr. Crazy? He’s supplying Mrs. Crazy with endless amounts of alcohol.
  • Baby Crazy? She’s chewing on the straps of your Coach bag and her Mom, Daughter Crazy, things you can’t hear her through your headphones when she says “Aw look! She likes Coach! Good thing leather is waterproof.” UM, WHAT???
  • Son Crazy is sharing a funny part of a movie with his whole family . . . over the aisle and over your head
  • Son-in-Law Crazy is unaware of his appendages and during the flight kicks you twice, elbows you once in the face and twice in the head and then literally knocks you over with his backback when he stands up to leave the flight.
  • Baby Crazy is being passed back and forth like a ping pong ball during landing. HELLO??? HOLD ON TO YOUR KID OR SHE MIGHT GO FLYING!
  • Tween Crazy will NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THE JONAS BROTHERS.
  • Your noise cancelling headphones and the blanket over your head do absolutely nothing to help you ignore them.
  • Russian Man next to you isn’t wearing deodorant and insists on stretching his arms above his head then FALLING ASLEEP THAT WAY.

And this was just one week. Today I’m flying to San Francisco to do it all over again and quite frankly? I need a Xanax.