December 19th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Most of you know that I am a child of a “broken” home. My parents separated when I was six (and my siblings were 4, 2, and 1 month old) and finalized the divorce about a year and a half later. As is the norm, neither the divorce or the circumstances surrounding it were pretty. Both of my parents were left horribly scarred and terribly hurt.

I love both my parents with all of my heart, let’s be perfectly clear on that. They are both AMAZING people who have led amazing lives and made myself and my siblings the people we are today. But, my parents were (and are), imperfect, as we all are. They both made some mistakes with us kids as we were growing up. Some of those mistakes left invisible scars on the hearts and lives of all of the children in my family. Some of those mistakes have affected us beyond my words to describe.

The last 21 years haven’t been easy. We’ve been luckier than some children of divorce, in that we know and speak to our Father and that at least our parents were able to be in the same room without killing each other. They were even able to be cordial, but everyone who knew them realized that it was quite forced. It was very, very clear that they did NOT like each other. The graduations, weddings and other occasions requiring their presence in the same state always caused sever stress among my siblings and myself. There was always that worry that all the bottled up anger and rage were going to suddenly emerge, that the weapons would be drawn and a battle of epic proportions would ensue.

I know many of you know the fear and pain of having two parents, whom you love, hate each other. It’s hard to describe the feelings to those who haven’t experienced it. You feel like a rubber band being pulled apart. Like you have to choose sides, or have to pick a favorite and stick with that parent in the looming struggles for power. It’s easy to only hear and believe one side of the story, especially when one parent has custody and the other is living far away (in our case, all the way across the world.). It’s easy to begin to resent the more absent parent, and in turn, feel as though they have begun to resent you. It’s just never . . . comfortable.

I am the oldest and therefore have more memories of my parents life together than the rest of my siblings, and I can only remember one or possibly two times when they were married and getting along. Most of my memories involving my parents together involve brief encounters in passing, forced kindness at joyous occasions, arguing, or being told stories of how one parent hurt the other. They tried to keep us from it, but I think their mutual disdain took over. It engulfed their lives and eventually all of ours.

This last weekend was another joyous occasion. My brother Sean, who is 25, was graduating from college and my other brother Patrick turned 21. The celebrations were taking place at my Father’s home in Pennsylvania, where both boys currently live. My Mom, of course, flew back east for the celebrations. This was a first for us . . . the first time my Mom was on Dad’s turf. Most of the other affairs over the years took place in Utah where we were raised, therefore Dad was always on Mom’s turf. All four of us kids prepared for the worst. I was the only one not attending, due to work conflicts, so three out of four were in preparations to keep the parental units as separated as possible to prevent any bloodshed.

There was no bloodshed. This weekend the prayers of four hurt, scared kids were answered after 21 years and our family was granted a miracle. That is the only way to describe it. Something changed in both of my parents and this weekend, for the first time in 21 years, they truly got along.

I wasn’t there to witness any of it, but I’ve heard numerous accounts of our family miracle. My Father invited my Mother to his home for dinner. They sat in the same room and reminisced about when they were married. They laughed, they poked fun at each other. They acted like they liked each other. My Mother offered gifts, chatted easily with my Step-Mother and seemed to have a truly wonderful time. This happened three days in a row. Dad invited Mom to go to the shooting range with him. THEY WERE IN THE SAME PLACE WITH LOADED WEAPONS, people. My Dad taught my Mom how to shoot a gun. Holy crap.

Then, on the last night my Mom was in town, Dad apparently volunteered to drive her to the place where she was staying. They got out of the car and then they embraced. With tears streaming down her face, Mom apologized for any wrongs she had committed against Dad over the years, and my Dad smiled and told her to be happy in her life.

They finally . . . just . . . let . . . go.

I cannot express to you how heavy a weight has been lifted from the shoulders of myself and my siblings. I cannot express the joy in my heart. I don’t think I knew how heavily all of this had weighed on us until it was finally over. No more awkward get togethers, no more talks of protecting one parent from another, no more begging them to just drop it and get over it already. It’s truly over, and we can finally breathe.

I beg those of you who are divorced and have children to try to get along with the Ex. I know how hard it must be, but I cannot express to you what a difference it would have made in the lives of my family members if my parents had attempted this reconciliation years ago. I beg those of you with families still intact to hold on for dear life and be grateful for your families. Never, ever take advantage of the gift you have been given.

I know that the Lord has had a hand in all of this. I know He has been watching over my family and slowly healing my parents hearts so that this could happen. I am forever grateful. I have never in my life felt such love for both of my parents as I do today. I have never heard my siblings voices filled with so much wonder and so much joy. I will go to sleep tonight with a smile on my face and a prayer of thanks in my heart. I have been praying for more Christmas Spirit and it has been granted ten fold. This might just be the best December ever.

December 14th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

And by “it” I mean the countdown to my birthday, courtesy of my baby brother Patrick who reminded me that I even HAVE a birthday coming up. 17 days to go. (If you’re counting, yes it’s December 31st, which I’m proud to share with Miss Molly and NO it wasn’t awesome growing up with my birthday on a holiday, but it’s become more and more awesome every year so I’m not holding it against the first 17 years of my life. Really.)

I can’t believe I’ll be 27. For some reason 27 is a scary age for me. Not because I feel old (I mean I DO feel old, but that’s due to the fact that I just bought my second house, third car and do all sort of ridiculously ADULT things) . . . I think it’s more because of the pressure associated with 27. It’s the age everyone claims to be once they are over that age. I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to make 27 my best year ever. That way, when I’m 45 and people ask me how old I am, I can say “27!” and think back on when I really was 27 and be joyful. I plan to try to make it the best year ever, but I’m fearing the pressure.

So, I’m moving on and not talking about being 27 anymore.

As I’ve said before, what is WITH this December? I am so behind my usual end of the year extravaganza!! I usually have a huge list of Christmas and Birthday wants, a huge gorgeous tree set up, Christmas music playing at all hours and all my shopping is usually done and all the presents are wrapped by now.

None of the above have happened. Thus my shock when Patrick reminded me it was my birthday in just a little over two weeks. Which means his birthday is in three days. My baby brother is 21! Now THAT makes me feel old! It also means Christmas is just a little over a week today and hi, freak out because nothing is done. Have I mentioned nothing is done? Good because nothing is done. And we’ve decided not to get a tree for our house this year because we’re only in town for another week and I’m freaking out a little inside because it goes against everything I believe in, so things will remain to be undone.

Except this one thing. I got my Dad RED FLEECE FOOTED PAJAMAS WITH A BACK DOOR. I’m DYING at how awesomly funny they are and how sad I am I won’t be there to see his face when he opens them. They were Matt’s idea and I bow down to his genius.

Now, in memory of last year’s amazing(ly overlit) Christmas tree, I leave you with a picture of said Christmas tree. May she and the lights we were too lazy to take off of her rest in Christmas peace.

December 6th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Today is a great day!

Let me count the ways:

I am getting a fun new toy today, and don’t you worry, tomorrow I will show it to you. I’m GIDDY with excitement at my new toy and I can barely stand waiting until my lunch break to go get it. I love new toys.

Today I start physical therapy. Not QUITE as exciting as the new toy, however, I’m running a good, solid mile every time I go to the gym and having my hip NOT hurt when I’m done sounds very, very pleasant.

I cleaned my entire kitchen last night . . . not that it was that dirty, but I did the whole “granite cleaner” and “stainless steel polisher” thing and it’s all sparkly and beautiful like it was when we moved in and that makes me happy. I love coming home to a sparkling, clean kitchen. Then I mess it up cooking and have to start all over again, but at least I started with sparkly and clean!

I’m having a good hair day, which hasn’t happened much lately. My straight, flat hair even has body, and it NEVER has body unless I tease and hairspray it in!

I found my favorite, previously lost earrings, and I’m feeling all decked out and festive.

My jeans are fitting better thanks to my running, biking thing. Shrink, thighs! Shrink!

My husband is amazing. He said the sweetest thing to me yesterday that just made my heart melt and I think I fell in love with him all over again.

I talked to one of my best friends, Jewels, for 45 minutes last night about singing and I’m still sighing in happiness about it. She’s going to kick butt at her audition, I just know it.

This morning I talked to another best friend, Hannah, on the way to work. The subject wasn’t exactly pleasant, due to people being retarded, but the conversation once again proved to me that Hannah is awesome and strong and an amazing friend, not only to myself but others as well.

I am hosting Soap Opera Sunday this week and I’m so excited to do it! I have the sequel to my last post all planned and I can’t wait to read everything you guys have to say!!

I’m a few short weeks from going home to Utah for Christmas. I get very homesick this time of year and I’m counting down the days until I’m there, but today it doesn’t seem very far away!!

I am a lucky girl. I have an amazing husband and family, incredible friends, a great job, a beautiful home . . . I am blessed beyond words and more grateful than I could ever express.

I hope all of you have great days too!

November 20th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

I’m on the road to recovery! Thank you to all of you for your well-wishes. Half of my face has recovered and hopefully the other half isn’t far behind. I can breathe a little better and can sleep better as well. At least my Thanksgiving wasn’t ruined! Phew!

I’ve realized that I have way too much to do lately, and no energy whatsoever with which to do it. I need to get a new couch, but I’m too tired to get up off the OLD couch to go look for a new one. I need to go to a friend’s house to pick up some accessories I bought from them but the thought of driving out there has me ready for bed. I need to paint my family room, start decorating for Christmas (and buy new decorations because holy crap my old decorations don’t cut it!), landscape the backyard and a whole host of other things that need to be done and I’m just.so.tired.

Oh yeah, and I have to shop for Christmas. Most of you know that a) I love to shop and b)I work for an eCommerce company . . . A tends to conflict with B because I like to go to the mall and shop for presents but I SHOULD shop online to support my industry. I just don’t usually do it. Except for maybe this year. I’m thinking of going virtual for my Christmas shopping and even I can’t believe it. What do you guys think? How do you shop for the Holidays? Does paying for shipping make you want to pull out your hair like it does me, yet somehow you add up the time it takes to go to the mall, find a parking space, drag your butt from store to store and realize that it might just be worth it? I’m still trying to decide.

Also, what the CRAP do I get my husband? He’s very hard to shop for. I can’t get him tools because “tools aren’t FUN they mean I have to do work with them. I like fun presents.” I can’t get him what he really wants because hi, I don’t have $40,000 sitting around with which to buy him a nice truck. Clothes seem boring to buy because he has a uniform of sorts and getting him the fiftieth blue and tan plaid shirt just seems . . . wrong. HELP!!?!?!?

Ok and on to Thankfuls. I skipped yesterday because, well, see the first paragraph. So ten Thankfuls on the way and then I’ll see you all tomorrow!!

1. Hannah. We had the funniest conversation yesterday over email and I miss her and her gorgeous babies to death right now. I was thinking about a night many years ago when we laughed so hard for almost an hour that we couldn’t talk, breathe or do anything. All over a guy’s lip zit. AHAHAHAHA. Dear Hannah how I love you.

2. A clean car. I’m not good at keeping my car clean and I wish I was because it’s sure nice to be in when it’s not a disaster.

3. Chocolate hazelnut mousse cake with fondant. It was a co-workers birthday today and we got the most delicious cake. Mmmmm.

4. The ease with which I can buy music on iTunes. It’s bad for the bank account but good for the soul.

5. That my husband didn’t get one bit mad when I called him up AFTER I’d just spent almost $200 on concert tickets.

6. Instant Messenger. I’m not sure I’d know anything about some of my best friends without it. I haven’t talked to one friend on the phone in almost six months, but we talk every day on IM.

7. Carbohydrates. That’s all I’m gonna say about that.

8. The thought of eating my Grandma’s creamed corn on Thursday. If I could get away with it, that’s all I’d eat at Thanksgiving.

9. Little kids voices. SO precious.

10. My brother Sean. We talked yesterday and somehow got on the subject of tap-dancing lawyers and we were dying laughing. He’s become such an amazing man and one of my greatest friends. I’m so proud of him and how much he’s overcome. He’s literally and figuratively my hero.

November 14th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Yup that’s right. I caught the plague. Whatever Matt, my office and the entire Valley of the Sun have got, they passed on to me. I’m in the early stages and I’m doing everything I can to ward off the evil, so we’ll see how it goes. If I’m sick for Thanksgiving I’m going to be PISSED.

That complaint out of the way, I am thankful for stuff today:

1. Advil Cold & Sinus Non-Drowsy. You saved my bacon you beautiful little orangish-red pill, you.

2. Comfort Food. I know I’m supposed to be eating well but while feeling under the weather there is nothing like the food you feel comfort in eating to make you feel a little better. I have a crock pot full of vegetable beef stew simmering at home and I can’t wait to get there, make some biscuits, curl up in a blanket on the couch and indulge.

3. The thought of seeing my Grandma in a week. Shirley is one of my life’s biggest blessings and I can’t WAIT to see her next week, do some shopping, eat her fabulous food and just hang out with my Grandma and bestest buddy for life.

4. My sweet husband. He has been SO sick for almost a week and SO frustrating to me because he won’t just TAKE IT EASY. And while that’s frustrating to someone who knows just how sick he is, honestly, I’m grateful for that part of him. He works so hard to provide for us and give us a great life. He has never done a selfish thing as long as I’ve known him and this morning he apologized for making me sick and asked if I needed anything. He is an amazing man and I can’t believe he settled for me.

5. The Neiman Marcus Christmas Book. Even though I can’t afford even the staples that hold that thing together, it makes me happy just looking at the pretty green, butterfly embossed cover and drool over the designer shoes.

November 9th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Let’s see . . . I seem to suck at blogging about . . . anything relevant lately. I feel as though I’ve been in a writers slump. Not that I consider myself a real writer or anything important like that because I don’t.

I do have two minor Kateastrophes to report on, so I suppose I should share, and there are a couple of other things to update you on. So I guess I present MORE RANDOMNESS!

First of all, I rolled - that’s right ROLLED - my brother-in-law’s quad at the Dunes last week. Several things make the story funny. First, Taylor (the B-I-L) laid it down sideways WITH his poor wife on it the first time they rode together. He hurt his wrist but overall they were OK. Second, my father-in-law also laid it down on his first ride on it. So basically, Matt is the only person who rode it who didn’t wreck it. The other thing that makes the story funny is that the reason I rolled it was because I was going too slow. That’s right. I crashed because I was going TOO.SLOW. I was on the side of a steep dune and rather than gunning it to prevent the roll, I got scared and slowed down. Aaaaaand down I went. Luckily I slid about ten feet down the hill so the quad didn’t roll ON me. I was only about fifty feet from Matt and he was so scared that I was hurt and came running down the hill. I was just lying there on my back, holding the quad (which is still running) with my legs so it wouldn’t roll any further and of course laughing my head off. I wasn’t hurt, thank goodness, but I think that quad might be the devil.

My second Kateastrophe happened the night we got back from the dunes. I was doing serious laundry because EVERYTHING smelled horrible, and I didn’t clean out the pocket of my riding pants, and I washed my iPod shuffle. What’s really sad is that on the drive home, I told Matt I was worried that I’d wash it so he needed to help me remember to clean out all the pockets. After he found out I washed it he laughs and says

“You know what’s funny, wifey? You KNOW what you’re going to do wrong. You always ask me to remind you NOT to do something stupid that you think you might do.”

It’s totally true. I know I do this crap. I know I forget stuff like that, so I ask people to help me remember not to be stupid. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work. So I figured my iPod was dead, but remembered a time a few years ago when I dropped my cell phone in the lake and it somehow survived the damage after it dried out for a few days. SO, I let the Shuffle dry out and magically, it works! I’m guessing it’s going to be a little retarded for the rest of it’s life but it WORKS! YAY! Kateastrophe averted! That sure doesn’t happen very often!!

Update on my fatness . . . I’m on a serious diet. I’ve started eating less than 2000 calories a day and making sure that it’s mostly veggies, whole grains and lean protein and I give myself one day off a week to eat what I want. The only cheating I’ve done in over a week was last night for the chicken noodle soup. It’s actually very healthy but the noodles aren’t made with whole grains. So my cheating technically wasn’t that bad but I do have to call a spade a spade and admit to the cheat. I’m sort of sick of salad and lettuce but I’m loving the Trader Joe’s whole grain mixes. They are super delicious! I’m a carb junkie, so the NO carb thing doesn’t work for me, but the whole grain carb thing does. I figure I can do the calorie counting and some of the other stuff . . . it doesn’t feel as extreme. I’m also loving fresh fruit. Mmmm yum.

In addition to the diet, I’m also working out six days a week. Right now I’m working up to serious workouts, but I do 45 minutes of cardio every day and when I have the energy I add in some weight training. It feels pretty good.

Sadly, I’m being UBER superficial and using my ten year high school reunion as my motivation right now. I don’t really know why . . . I’m still in touch with most of my friends from high school and they know what I look like now but I guess any motivation is good motivation right?!

So um, I will end this post with Friday’s Thankfuls, as most of you will see this post on Friday.

1. Perfect weather. We’re finally, FINALLY out of the hotness in Arizona and the weather is gorgeous. I sure love me a good 78 degree day.

2. Dove shampoo and conditioner. See I used to be a hair care product snob. Only Aveda was good enough for my hair. But then I got a house and a husband (and a life?) and got cheap and I got the HUGE, cheap bottles of Dove at Costco. Surprisingly, I LOVE it! My hair always smells clean and is SO soft and silky. Yay for cheap, great haircare!

3. Julia. I got the FUNNIEST message from her today at work and died laughing right there in my cube. I’m so grateful for her and her undying friendship and amazing sense of humor. We’ve been through a lot and I’m grateful that it’s only brought us closer rather than ripping us apart. I love her so.

4. Chapstick. In such a dry climate my lips always feel so parched, so I’m glad somebody a long time ago had the good sense to package some of that goodness in a tube.

5. Remote controls. How annoying would it have been to have to get up to change the channel? Ugh. Yay for laziness and fun buttons.

November 3rd, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Brace yourselves . . . they’re coming. I’ll try to go easy on you and not overload your brains with TOO many pictures. It might hurt. Most likely it will hurt me and not you guys. But it might hurt both of us, so I’ll be careful.

First, I give you the final pictures of our first home. I have to say that it’s SO WEIRD to think of someone else living there now. We closed on Friday and it’s done, done, done. It was stressful and stupid and irritating but it’s done and now we can move on, but a part of me is sad to end that amazing chapter of my life with my husband. So here you go:

The way I took this picture is very odd and . . . optical illusion-like.
Ha. Oh well! Goodbye beautiful floors and lovely red paint!

The final picture of the outside. Sorry it’s at night. We’ll sure miss that mature palm tree! We should have taken it with us!

The final picture of us in front of our house, even though all you can see is the garage light. Haha. Oops! Also, memo to us: pictures we try to take of ourselves are usually very unflattering.

Now, I give you pictures of the new house! I am going to go chronologically, from dirt to final product. Sidenote: I have yet to take pictures of the slightly unpacked, slightly better looking version of the house, so just remember that I took these THE DAY AFTER we moved in. No judging.

Our bit of earth

Later, after they dug a bunch of stuff up. Veeeery exciting.

Pre-plumbing and the frame for the foundation

Walls!! Sort of . . .

Almost there . . .

Almost there . . .

Ta-Daa! Complete with empty lot next door that will cause many headaches when someone finally buys it and they begin building on it. Seriously, EVERY OTHER LOT IS SOLD. Just my luck that the ONLY unsold lot is next to our bedroom windows. Seriously.

Le front door

The view from the entryway

Formal Living/Dining/Entry/Great Room/HOLY AWESOME NATURAL LIGHT!

Great Room from upstairs, where there is a small loft, three bedrooms and a bathroom.

Most of you have seen this already but this is the kitchen (unfortunately pre-paint. I gotta get one with the new paint. I promise I’ll do it. It’s light brown, if that helps!)

Family Room/Master Bedroom for the first week

Master Bedroom sans bedroom stuff

Master Bathroom (two sinks AND a separate tub/shower? I’ve died and gone to heaven)

Closet. Sigh of joy.

Our first meal in our new house. Traditional Move-in Pizza Hut. Mmmm.

I LOVE our new house. I’m having trouble decorating, but that doesn’t take away from my absolute joy every time I drive around the corner and see it standing there. I seriously can’t believe it’s ours. I keep having to pinch myself. Especially when I see the view from our front porch. I gotta give it to Arizona, it has the most incredible sunsets. And now I have an unobstructed view of them every day. I’m in heaven and so, so grateful.

Well, I have lots of pictures of our trip to the dunes, but I think those will have to wait for another day because I’m about pictured out. Just to give you a teaser though, I proudly present me, kicking my husband’s butt on top of a huge sand hill.

We got very, very sandy.

Stay tuned Sunday for my newest installment of Soap Opera Sunday . . . the one in which I completely embarrass myself. Again.

October 31st, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Ahhh Halloween. It’s one of my favorite holidays, yet this year I have failed it miserably. I don’t really have a costume (seriously, my fleece viking hat paired with a cute outfit SO does not count) and we aren’t doing anything tonight. I DO have candy for the one or two kids who live in our new neighborhood but that’s about as Halloween as we get this year. I’m ashamed.

To make it up to myself and you guys, I’m posting a picture from when Matt and I were dating. We flew to Utah for the Jolley Annual Halloween Party and Matt was SUCH a good sport about his bear costume. He looked awesome. And I? Well I was Goldilocks in a short skirt and to be honest, I was a wee bit uncomfortable. But we looked good, no? Grrrr.

Hope everyone has a great Halloween and I’ll post lots more pictures in the coming days! I have so much to catch up on . . . you have no idea.

October 26th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

So we’re off to the Coral Pink Sand Dunes with Matt’s family and our quads. I bought new pink and black gear for the occasion which might spark the question “Kate, why on earth did you buy matching ATV gear to go out with your family?”

Well, that is another discussion for another time, but basically . . . IT’S PINK AND BLACK!!!

We won’t be back until late Monday night, so I’m sorry I won’t be participating in Soap Opera Sunday yet AGAIN. I suck. But trust me, I’m the worse off. I’m gonna have sand in places you didn’t know sand could GET by the time we finish up four days at the dunes.

I leave you all with the knowledge that when I get back, it will be a week full of pictures because WE FOUND THE CAMERA CORD! So you’ll be able to see me in the Shark Tank at Mandalay Bay, the new house, final pictures of the old house and me, covered in sand, but stylishly. I might dub it Ocular October or something stupid like that because you might just get pictures!

I apologize. Ocular October is a lame, stupid name.

OK we’re off on our elebenteen hour drive. Have a great weekend!

October 24th, 2007 by Kateastrophe

Hmmm, maybe I should change the title to “Where Have All the Gentlemen Gone?” because that’s really what I mean. But that’s neither here nor there. I like my title and it’s staying.

I realize I’m not the only woman who asks this question, but I had an experience today that gave me pause and I couldn’t resist writing about it.

In my office we have a soda fountain, similar to one found in a gas station. It has about six varieties of soda, the most popular of which is the Diet Coke. I may have mentioned my addiction to this amazing beverage of life - and it’s true. I’m totally addicted, but I’m trying to cut back to one a day. So, at about 2:00 this afternoon, I wandered into the break room to serve myself up my one delicious Diet Coke, and whattaya know . . . the machine is out.

This is fairly typical in my office. I seem to work with a giant group of helpless idiots. If there are no more cups on the counter, they will wander off, dejected, rather than reaching on top of the fridge to grab a new sleeve of paper cups. If the coffee is out, they will walk to the Starbucks two blocks away rather than make a new pot of coffee. You see what I’m getting at, right? Naturally, when the Diet Coke is out, people just wander away rather than doing the fairly difficult job of switching out the syrup (because the box of syrup weighs about thirty pounds).

But not me. Oh no not me. I need my Diet Coke.

Today, switching out the box was more complicated than usual because the Diet Coke was buried under the orange soda and the Dr. Pepper. And the space we have the boxes of syrup in is pretty tight so I had to move the other two boxes completely out of the space and into the middle of the floor in order to get the Diet Coke out. To add even more detail you probably don’t care about, today I was wearing these boots:Needless to say, my balance wasn’t quite what it normally is. As I was trying to grab the Diet Coke box by the flimsy cardboard handle, the handle broke and my feet slid out from under me and I fell flat on my back. Splat. Ow. Laughter.

Right about as I helped myself back up, wondering if our security cameras caught my moment of glory, two of our developers walked into the kitchen to get coffee. Now, lest you forget, I had two boxes of soda syrup spread out on the floor and another box I was trying to lift into the cupboard where we hook it up to the life giving veins of the soda fountain.

The two guys saw, and basically sat at watched me, in my pointy black heels and nice dress pants, struggling to lift the Diet Coke into the cupboard, then continued to watch as I attempted (in vain a couple of times almost causing the damage of the cute pointy toe of my right boot) to lift the other boxes back into their tight space. They just SAT and WATCHED. And it made me so mad!

Now, I am a pretty independent, tough kind of gal. I don’t mind lifting boxes, I don’t mind taking care of things like that myself. I grew up in a house without a father and until my brothers were bigger, Mom and I had to take care of a lot of that stuff ourselves. I can tile, operate a saw, a drill and other small power tools. I can do a lot of that stuff myself and I don’t profess to “need a man” to help me with things like that.

BUT - it’s really nice sometimes to have the help or at least the OFFER of help and there are jobs that I simply cannot do by myself. I lack the arm strength, despite my bulging biceps, and it seems less and less guys are being gentlemen in these types of situations.

I once worked for a man who once handed me a huge heavy box to take to his car and then walked in front of me all the way out to the parking lot talking on the phone, not even pausing to hold the doors open for me as I struggled to walk behind him.

Another man I worked for had me clean out a large room in his house and basically watched and directed me as I loaded heavy things into a truck then sent me off to the dump and storage units to unload the same stuff by myself.

I dated a guy for a very long time who had me do everything and would sit around watching. I did the cooking followed by the dishes. I would have to be with him when he went to the doctor and he’d have me fill out his paperwork for him.

Part of the problem is that I have a hard time asking for help and I’m a huge enabler . . . but I guarantee that if I really need the help, and someone offers, I won’t say no. However, in some cases, I really shouldn’t have to wait for an offer. There are situations where a manly man just needs to stop what he is or is not doing, or help.

Now, in contrast to the above, my husband is a great guy who always offers to do the “manlier” jobs himself, or to at least help me. I may not always take him up on that, but it’s SO great to have the offer of help with heavy boxes, hard jobs, etc. My Father and brothers would rather die before letting my Mom, Stepmother, sister or myself pick up a heavy box or whatever job they consider “manly.”

But, as you can see from my other examples above, in my life, guys like my husband, Dad and brothers, seem few and far between. Don’t get me wrong, I know they still exist. One of them opened the door for me today coming out of a restaurant. Another picked up some papers that had fallen out of my briefcase. But overall, it feels like men have stopped being Gentlemen.

Trust me, I don’t want to go back to the days where men walked on the road side to prevent the women from getting dirty but didn’t allow the women to vote and I don’t want to turn back time to the days when men were “true gentlemen” and a woman’s “place” was in the kitchen (extreme examples, I know, but I hope you know what I’m getting at), but, I would really appreciate more men being more respectful. I would appreciate two strong men offering to help me lift thirty pound boxes rather than standing around staring. I would love to have more doors opened for me and not feel like I have to cause a hernia lifting heavy boxes or furniture. I like feeling girly!! I like pink and ruffles and roses and all of those girly things. But even if I didn’t, myself and every other woman I know deserves a little more respect from the general man population.

I wish I had a solution. I know my son(s) will be raised to behave like his/their father. The men in my family will be gentlemen, but I obviously can’t be the one to influence the world.

I just hope that my generation can help bring some of that chivalrous attitude back, because chaps and Wranglers or not, cowboys knew how to treat a lady.* Yipeeeai, Yipeeeay

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*For the record I am aware that not all cowboys were or even ARE gentlemen and some of them are/were disgusting. I’m purposely making generalizations here, mostly to tie my ridiculous title into the post. No judging. Thanks. Kisses.