My Secret
July 5th, 2010 by Kateastrophe
I’ve been keeping a secret from all of you.
It was supposed to be a great surprise that I was going to share when the time was right, but as luck and the laws of nature would have it, now it’s a sad surprise, which really isn’t a surprise at all.
I was pregnant, due January 28th. As of Wednesday, I’m officially not anymore. There’s no real reason anyone can give me as to why, just that the baby didn’t make it and we can try again when we’re ready. It wasn’t planned and I would say I was initially thrilled, but a life is a life and a pregnancy is a pregnancy and so I’m mourning the loss and as we all know, everyone mourns differently. I’m actually doing really well and I’ve been able to gain a lot of perspective through this experience. I’d thought about not ever saying anything here and just leaving it as a something that was private, but for some reason that doesn’t feel right and certainly doesn’t feel like me. Maybe there’s someone else who needs to hear what I have to say and this is the only venue where they’ll find it. I’m not really sure. I just know the feeling I got to share this loss with the world was very strong so here I am. I’d started another blog to document my journey to motherhood and initially I was going to erase it, but I realized that as sad as it might be to have it there, it’s my journey and I’m going to share it with you.
It starts at the beginning and as of tonight, the end of this particular journey is there. I hope to be able to use it to share more journeys with you but for now this is all I’ve got. I won’t say enjoy because I’m not exactly sure that’s the purpose, but I hope you get something out of it. I can tell you that I did and it’s documented at Growing Kateastrophe. The tagline now seems painfully ironic . . . but I’m me and it’s me and I’m not changing it. But I probably don’t need to explain that to any of you.
- Posted in In all Seriousness, Fam-Damily
July 5th, 2010 at 10:22 pm
Thinking of you:)
July 6th, 2010 at 2:13 am
I am so sorry my dear. I am so grateful that you have the support that you need. I’m thinking of you and I love you!
July 6th, 2010 at 6:22 am
So sad to hear this. So grateful that you are you. I haven’t talked to you in awhile. It’s great to get little windows into your life, though. And despite thinking that I have learned all I need to know through life’s many trials I continue to suffer more which teaches me that I still have more ways to grow. I’m glad you seem to be enduring well.
July 6th, 2010 at 6:36 am
sending my love and prayers….
July 6th, 2010 at 7:26 am
I love you so much and I will always LOVE that we got to celebrate with you on the Girls Trip. It was fun to hear the news and hear about the crib and stroller you wanted…it is a loss and I am so sorry, but I know you will be even more thrilled when you are blessed with another. Motherhood is the greatest, coolest, funnest, hardest, most rewarding thing in the world - nothing compares to it. And you, my dear, are going to be a marvelous mother.
July 6th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
oh kate i really have no words, but i am sending lots of hugs and prayers your way. and really it’s times like this where i wish i could just give you a real hug, in real life (yes that is redundant but i had to get my point across
but oy. i’m so so sorry lady.
July 8th, 2010 at 6:24 pm
Kate. I really just want you to know that I love and admire you. I want to be like you in so many ways. I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m praying and thinking of you.
-Kristin
July 11th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Hugs my Kate, hugs.
July 12th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
You are such an amazing woman. I hope you know that. You are able to just let your feelings and thoughts be known and for that I thank you. You have no idea how that has helped me. There will be another time that you will be writing similar words with a different ending. You are in my thoughts. Love ya.
July 13th, 2010 at 8:15 pm
I’m so sorry - no one should have to go through something like that.
July 15th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
There’s no real words of comfort I can give. I can only imagine the hurt. I can echo the words of others, and tell you how truly sorry I am. Jared and I were so thrilled for you, and I know we will be thrilled for you again in the future. We love you guys. You are always in our thoughts and prayers. Love to you!!
August 11th, 2010 at 7:42 am
I’m so sorry….I only read this now. I hope you are still doing fine in the mean time.