July 19th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

My uterus was given a clean bill of health this morning as I FINALLY got in to see el Doctor.  He said I made miscarriage look easy (and then thoughtfully noted that he knew it was not because his wife had four of them.  FOUR.  Shoot me now). 

I still did the no pants dance for 25 minutes in the ultrasound room but hey, it beats my last visit by a mile.  And bonus!  No crying!

Getting up this morning was like slowly pulling my fingernails out one at a time.  This weekend kicked my hind end.  Arizona has been freakishly hot this last week because of a random wave of humidity.  The atmosphere feels like it’s pushing down on us and it’s causing headaches of epic proportions as well as lack of sleep.  Matt and I took the opportunity Saturday to basically tell the heat to go to hell and we went to two movies.  TWO.

Despicable Me was SO great.  I cried like a small child at one point and laughed the rest of the way through.  It was everything I’ve ever wanted in a cartoon about a washed-up villain.  The Bank of Evil (formerly Lehman Brothers) was an especially awesome touch.  I give it two thumbs and two big toes up.

Inception was unbelievable.  Literally.  It was, as one of my friends put it (only not so delicately) the biggest mind-boggle of all time.  It took a lot of brain power to watch but I loved every minute of it.  Christopher Nolan has officially taken his place as my favorite director and Hans Zimmer gets a gold star for his dark, amazing score.

Sunday was a typical Sunday.  The dreaded early wake-up for church, sitting through church, home for lunch, loooooong nap then a big old dinner and fun night.  No bed until after midnight, thanks to the caffeine I’ve re-introduced since I can have it now but that’s OK because we had a great night and I needed to be alert for it.

In other news, I re-dyed my hair last week and it’s a bit bright but it looks awesome.  I went somewhere new and she did a great job but let me tell you, when your stylist says she’s going to do “just a few highlights” say NO!  Fifty extra dollars later I have seven strips of highlights.  They look good but not fifty bucks worth.  I had a huge discount coupon for this place that I had to use but I ended up spending just as much as I would have seeing my man Stephen, so back to Stephen I go, never to cheat again.

I was going to go get my hairs cut again by my genius, but even six months later (SIX!) it’s still the best haircut I’ve ever had and has held itself together beautifully so I’m leaving it.  Also, I sort of didn’t want to spend the money after the extra charge for the color and the fact that I’ve got to get a $65 hair-do for my brothers wedding in two weeks.  Holy crap!  My brother is going to be a husband in TWO WEEKS!

For my next trick I’ll tell you the story of getting a dress for the wedding without slitting my wrists.  But for now I bid you adieu.  (Bet you’re glad THIS lame post is done!)

July 14th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

Let’s move on to more fun topics.  Like the humiliation of Kate.  Whee!

There are lots and lots of over-sharing type stories to tell from my “experience.”  A new level of humiliation occurs the first time your husband attends an OB/GYN appointment with you and it only gets worse after that.  My low occurred in a dark “water closet” and I can’t imagine the actual having a baby part where, as sweet Molly put it, EVERYONE At THE HOSPITAL SEES YOUR BUTT - and other parts.  And frankly?  You just don’t care.  I haven’t had that experience but I can see why you don’t care because there were moments when I didn’t.

Then there was this morning.  I had an appointment to follow-up with my doctor and make sure my body had taken care of what it needed to take care of, if you know what I mean.  It’s been two weeks and we are crossing our fingers that I won’t need a D&C (which I don’t think I do, but you have to check.)  My appointment was at 8:00 am and I arrived promptly at 7:55.  At 8:00 three or four pregnant girls waddled in and signed in after me.  Then, one by one, the pregs all got called back.  And I sat there.  And sat there.  And watched pregnant girl after pregnant girl go in and out, in and out.  Finally, fifty-five minutes (that’s right, five minutes short of an hour) later I was called back.  I went into the ultrasound room, followed directions, took of my pants, covered myself with the paper sheet and sat down on the uncomfortable chair. Then I waited.  And waited.  Then the blessed knock at the door!  Ah, sweet relief.

Or not.

It was the nurse.  The doctor had snuck out the back door to go deliver a baby “real quick.”  Those were her words.  “Real quick.”  I could either wait for him to get back or I could reschedule.  Now in my brain I was like “wait a minute.  Real quick?  Like, oh I’m just going to run to the hospital, catch this baby and run back?  That doesn’t HAPPEN.”  My Mom pushed (PUSHED!) for three hours.  I knew babies don’t just slide on out but the nurse said 20 minutes or so and by this time it was almost 9:15.  Like crap I was going to reschedule to do this whole circus over again.  So she told me to stay in the chair and wait for the doc. 

Remember how I had no pants on?  Yeah, I had no pants on.  So I grabbed my iPod touch and my Blackberry and sat in that uncomfortable chair naked from the waist down playing games and checking Facebook.  And I waited, and waited, and waited.  On an uncomfortable chair with no pants.  Finally at 10:00 the blessed knock on the door!

Or not.  Take two.

The nurse again.  “Yeah, the doctor just called and things aren’t . . .moving along like he had hoped.  So he’s going to be a while.  The soonest we can see you is 1:30.”

By this time I had missed two hours of work, sat in the ultrasound room (which reminded me of nothing but my miscarriage and made me sad) WITH (have I mentioned) NO PANTS ON for 45 minutes and I’d had it.  I just started sobbing.  The nurse got a shocked look on her face and started apologizing, then giving me excuses, then telling me other people had to wait when they made time for my emergency appointment . . . blah blah blah.  None of that mattered at all to me and I really don’t know why sobbing was my reaction, but it was.  Pants-less sobbing in the ultrasound room.  Awesome.

So, with green and black make-up (PS, the M.A.C. color Humid is awesome - unless you cry) smeared down my face I walked out to the front area to reschedule my appointment.  I happened to get behind someone who had their entire medical history in a canvas bag and she was showing the receptionist and the nurse her charts and x-rays and reports one.at.a.time while I stood behind her crying, waiting for about seven minutes for her to finish so I could just reschedule my damned appointment already.  I finally got it rescheduled for next Monday.  They all kept apologizing and all I could think about, despite everything I could have been mad or sad or even ponderous about, was how humiliating it was to sit in a room - by myself - for 45 minutes with no pants.

As long as I know where my priorities are, I guess we’re good.  I wonder if I should wear a skirt on Monday?

July 5th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

I’ve been keeping a secret from all of you.

It was supposed to be a great surprise that I was going to share when the time was right, but as luck and the laws of nature would have it, now it’s a sad surprise, which really isn’t a surprise at all.

I was pregnant, due January 28th.   As of Wednesday, I’m officially not anymore.  There’s no real reason anyone can give me as to why, just that the baby didn’t make it and we can try again when we’re ready.  It wasn’t planned and I would say I was initially thrilled, but a life is a life and a pregnancy is a pregnancy and so I’m mourning the loss and as we all know, everyone mourns differently.  I’m actually doing really well and I’ve been able to gain a lot of perspective through this experience. I’d thought about not ever saying anything here and just leaving it as a something that was private, but for some reason that doesn’t feel right and certainly doesn’t feel like me.  Maybe there’s someone else who needs to hear what I have to say and this is the only venue where they’ll find it.  I’m not really sure.  I just know the feeling I got to share this loss with the world was very strong so here I am.  I’d started another blog to document my journey to motherhood and initially I was going to erase it, but I realized that as sad as it might be to have it there, it’s my journey and I’m going to share it with you.

It starts at the beginning and as of tonight, the end of this particular journey is there.  I hope to be able to use it to share more journeys with you but for now this is all I’ve got.  I won’t say enjoy because I’m not exactly sure that’s the purpose, but I hope you get something out of it.  I can tell you that I did and it’s documented at Growing Kateastrophe.  The tagline now seems painfully ironic . . . but I’m me and it’s me and I’m not changing it.  But I probably don’t need to explain that to any of you.