BEing
November 10th, 2009 by Kateastrophe
Last night at about 7:30 after cleaning up dinner my newly promoted, overworked and extremely exhausted husband came over and wrapped his arms around his newly jobbed, overstimulated and extremely exhausted wife, and leaned into the counter where we sat for a good fifteen minutes. Eventually my legs started falling asleep and my neck was kinked so we had to break it up, but it felt so good just to BE for a few minutes.
I struggle with my calendar because after work there are so few hours in the day.
I want to exercise every day.
I need to attend the LDS Temple more often. I need to pray more often and longer. I need to really study my scriptures and increase my spiritual knowledge.
I want to spend more time hanging out with my girlfriends.
I need to spend time with my husband.
I want to get more involved in serving the community and giving back.
I want to cook a delicious meal every day and cut coupons to help save money on groceries. I want a clean house. I want a nice yard. I want clean, folded laundry. I want to decorate my house and get the guest room finished up.
My new job has a distinct lack of creative work involved so I need to rekindle my creative side. I want to take up voice and dance lessons again.
There’s a very cool Yoga/Pilates/Ballet Bar class I want to take and eventually learn how to teach.
Someday I want to add kids to the mix and I want them to be active and involved and full of joy.
Shockingly, when I think of all of these things, my head explodes.
I realize nothing I’ve said is anything new to any of us. Especially at this time of year the whole world seems overwhelmed. We’re gearing up for the Holidays and the stress/fun that comes with them. We’re working towards closing the chapter of 2009 and starting fresh in 2010. I’m very not alone in the head exploding.
Despite feeling like my huge list of things to do will never get done and having moments where I feel like a complete failure, sitting with Matt last night helped me realize that sometimes I just need to just be still. I need to make realistic goals. I need to do one thing at a time. I need to work hard not to overwhelm myself with expectations. I need to allow life to ebb and flow and go with it a little bit more. I won’t give up my goals or my expectations of myself, I will just be the boss of them, rather than feeling that they are the boss of me.
Starting tomorrow, I am going to work on BEing.
- Posted in The Awesome Continues
November 11th, 2009 at 2:23 am
I hear ya! Good post, kate!
November 11th, 2009 at 7:37 am
Be THIS….I don’t know what that means. But I do love you. And I’ll be with you tonight!
November 11th, 2009 at 9:19 am
I’m so on your side with this! You know that, we talked about this. It’s SO important to have to dreams and ambitions and work on achieving them…but goodness, isn’t it just as important to be content and happy in the everyday? In the mundane? In the comfortable? Uh oh…I feel a blog post coming on.
November 11th, 2009 at 9:31 am
i love this post! just the reminder i needed.
November 11th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
i definitely need to work on BEing as well. i’ve been so on the go lately and just so busy i haven’t been able to process or focus a whole lot. i think BEing is a great goal.
November 11th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
good luck with BEING happy, just being, without long lists of things you “should” do.
And then teach me how you manage
November 12th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
amen to that.
November 14th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I am right there with you!
November 15th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
This is exactly how I felt this summer right after I lost my job. I felt like I’d lost a part of who I was and I needed to start remembering and just starting doing things again. Good luck to you
So far, I’m doing well.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:59 am
No indeed: you are NOT alone. Hugs!
November 20th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Contented ambition. Interesting. Hmmm. That get’s my wheels turning (take cover). So it’s like…let me think about this.
It’s like, I’m kicking life in the balls…but I don’t need to be kicking it in the balls. It’s just that I want to be kicking it in the balls. But not because I’d feel guilty or overwhelmed or unaccomplished if I did something else with my foot. Or just stood on it (which I often do).
No. That’s not capturing it. I got lost there. Ok, let’s try again. It’s like I just AM (BEing) a balls-kicker. You’re not going to find me not kicking life’s balls, because I am a life’s balls kicker (and you don’t find a life’s balls-kicker not kicking life’s balls). In the best sense of the phrase. But also, the balls aren’t that huge. Or if they start to seem huge, I find smaller balls. But I still always kick balls. I just manage how and what gets kicked.
Yes, I think that it’s it.