Skinny is as Skinny Does
July 27th, 2009 by Kateastrophe
Like most women, I formed my “body image” in my early teens. I decided what I liked and didn’t like about myself (like my boobs, hate my thighs) and began to form those opinions based on images that I saw. Now, the part that I’m not sure is so true for most people but is true for me is that I didn’t form these opinions based on supermodels or Hollywood starlets. Oh no, I formed it based on the girls next door.
I went to a public high school in a fairly affluent area of my hometown, which is actually known for it’s good looking girls. So, needless to say, I went to high school with some absolutely GORGEOUS people. Some absolutely gorgeous, absolutely SKINNY people who I have spent my life comparing myself to.
These were the girls I’d grown up with. The girls I went to church with, who I’d gone to dance class with. I had known them forever. Somehow I had grown up to be a bit round and soft and they had grown up to be svelte goddesses of beauty and slenderness. I’m not going to lie. It was frustrating. They were my friends but I was jealous of their tans and their skinniness and their boyfriends and all of it.
It’s been eleven (ELEVEN??) years since I graduated from high school and I’ve spent a considerable amount of that time not liking a lot of things about my body. Even when I was thirty pounds lighter, RIPPED from dancing four to five hours a day and then heading to the gym after school, I hated my legs. Even when I was sickly-skinny from a depressing break-up which caused me to drop ten pounds in just a few weeks, I still hated my butt. Why? Probably lots of reasons. But one of them was because every time I ran into one of those girls from high school, they were still skinnier than me.
I learned something this weekend that made me realize what a waste of my time and energy all of that was. Pretty much every.single.girl. I can remember comparing myself to back in those days had an eating disorder. I apparently went to Anorexia/Bulimia High School where girls didn’t eat but once a week and then when they did that, they’d throw it all up. Not only would they do it, but they’d do it ALL TOGETHER. Like a barf party! Even now, eleven years later, most of them are still dealing with the medical repercussions of starving themselves. Many of them are probably still not eating because many of them never got help. And I’m so, so sad for them.
And I’m embarrassed that I formed my self-image based on a lie.
I looked at myself with new eyes this weekend. Sure I have some cellulite and areas with more chub than is ideal. Sure I have things about myself that I still don’t like, but guess what? I’m healthy. I exercise regularly and I have a healthy heart, healthy kidneys, healthy bones. I have skin that glows and healthy, shiny hair. I have curves and muscles. I have all the things that prove that I am medically and mentally healthy. I like food. I like that I get hungry and that I can eat. I like to cook. I like to entertain and see people enjoy the things I’ve made. I have fun eating with friends.
It makes me sad to know that these girls are still dealing with these issues. I cannot fathom what it’s like not to enjoy a steaming plate of pasta or my Mom’s homemade chicken noodle soup. I can’t imagine what it was like to feel that kind of pressure from your friends.
Today I woke up a new sort of person. I’m more grateful than ever for my amazing friends. I’m more grateful than ever for my functioning body.
Now I just need to figure out a way to teach my future daughter how to get there before she’s almost thirty . . .
- Posted in Malnutrition and Jazzercise, In all Seriousness
July 27th, 2009 at 11:46 am
It’s all truly flabbergasting, since I went to the same school as you. I was blessed with the gift of scrawniness, but no boobs. All of that has changed now, of course (the scrawny part and the boob part. haha). But I was clueless in high school that this sort of thing was happening. I mean, I heard about OTHER people in OTHER places, but I had no idea that it was all around me. It’s sad, scary, and ugly. I hope that those still coping with it can get better.
Great post, babe.
July 27th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Wow. That is sad.
I’m glad you have been able to find a new way of looking at your body - valuing your health.
July 27th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
It was surprising for me to learn about this, too. I seriously had no idea! I’m glad that you feel more confident in your appearance, you are a BEAUTIFUL woman. You have curves that we all covet and that skin and that hair?? Stoppit. You ARE a goddess. My body is less than ideal as well, but it’s mine. Snaps to you, you pretty little thing - I love you.
July 27th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Came over here from Brillig’s and so glad I did. What a fabulous perspective to have found, and all the better for being shared.
July 27th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
I’m so glad that you’ve formed this opinion! It’s so important, and yet so many people get fooled by how skinny they must be. It’s such a scary, yet incredibly common, problem and so many girls suffer - those with the problem and those watching on.
Me? I just sit here at the computer with a ginger ale and Doritos and remember what it used to be like to look nice
July 27th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
I married a woman who was bulimic for a time. Trust me, they have WORSE body images than anyone. How can you be a size 4 at 37 years old and a 36 C and think your body looks bad?
As a guy, I can’t imagine why women think they look bad. Men look bad and ugly. Women look elegant and beautiful, cellulite and all.
July 27th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Speak for yourself, man! I am a ridiculously freakin’ good looking man. Like, absurdly. I mean…fff. It turns out my intellect is the problem. I go with the Schopenhauer-ian take on the thing:
“Only a male intellect clouded by the sexual drive could call the stunted, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped and short-legged sex the fair sex: for it is with this drive that all its beauty is bound up. More fittingly than the fair sex, women could be called the unaesthetic sex.”
You’ll have to forgive grumpy Schopenhauer. His mom didn’t love him. But he’s a riot. It kind of sounds like he’s gay. But I don’t think he was. I guess just unlucky enough never to have found a sweet little “stunted, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, short-legged” creature to love his wrinkled up, bier-gutted, scrawny-butted, uber-sideburnsy self.
July 27th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
I love this, and I love that you’re comfortable in your skin. You should be, although it’s always easier to say than it is to believe. Been there. I feel horrible for my nieces and all the other little girls out there who are at risk of getting sucked into this horrible machine. I don’t have kids, so I’m certainly no authority, but in retrospect it was all about observation for me. My mom didn’t intend to impart her body outlook on me, it just happened as a byproduct of being there. I still remember the pride in her voice when she said she only eats one meal a day. That said, it’s not all on her, it’s everywhere. I just try with my nieces to be aware that they’re aware whether they’re aware of it or not. (Wuh?) They can see me eat and know that I work out, but no matter how low I’m feeling I will never, EVER engage on girl-on-girl body snark around them.
Anyway. This really struck something in me and got me thinking. Thanks for that.
July 27th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Let you in on a little secret. Myself an quite a few other guys prefer a women with some ’substance’ to her. Queen latifa?
There’s a girl in the office. She’s about 24, marrid, one child, about 5′5″, I’d guess 140-150. But man, curves in all the right places, SWEET peronality, thinks she’s ugly. I could just wring her neck. When you figure out how to teach your daughter the epiphany you just had you need to can it and sell it.
July 28th, 2009 at 3:23 am
so you didn’t go to school with gorgeous people at all….they were sick and probably not gorgeous at all!
Glad you know now!
July 28th, 2009 at 4:47 am
I would say being semi-comfortable in my own skin is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to conquer. I havent given up on this dream yet, I just hope I can get there eventually. When i was 25 I set a goal of “BEING COMFORTABLE IN A BIKINI BY 30″, of course 30 rolled around and I was NOT comfortable in a bikini and here I am a few years later and still NOT comfortable. I am heavier than I want to be and I do want to get in better shape, but like you I am also soooo glad that I am healthy and happy more than anything else. The body image thing is so hard, I am still working on it, and probably will continue to for years!!!
July 28th, 2009 at 5:47 am
Somehow I got through high school with minimal negative self-talk about my body. That came in college, and when it came it came hard. It was a shocking realization to see the emphasis people put on looks and bodies; and I learned to think my self-worth had something to do with what I looked like. Not true. It’s taken years to overcome being my worst critic, and to love a healthy body with all its flaws. I’m not perfect in loving it, but appreciating all the other aspects of my personality and character helps.
Love you Kate!
July 28th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Great post. I was on the scrawny side of things and now I’m on the plump side and I’ve never been happy with either. So instead of focusing on being skinny, I focus on being healthy and it feels so much more acheivable.
Congrats on your epiphany.
July 28th, 2009 at 11:32 am
I guess I dig on the whole being at peace with yourself thing, but for me I’m ok being in a constant fight with my body. I’m male, but my genes don’t tend to easy leanness. In fact they fight me hard. Any break in the armor and I start gaining. And I don’t like not to look like Superman. So I am in eternal conflict with myself. But I’m cool with it. My body is my nemesis, not my friend. He’s really never been there for me. And I have and will continue to bring him to heel, to punish him, if it costs me every last cupcake and tortilla, and endless hours of elliptical hell and muscle fatigue. I will gladly suffer it all to bring him into total subjection. And he’ll like it!
It’s fun. We like hating each other. It’s what we do. One day, my mortal body will totally crap out on me, and we’ll have to let go of each other. And I will be sad, and he’ll probably fall apart too. We fought the good fight. But I won.
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:57 pm
I’ve been pretty conscious of this subject since Kendall was a little girl. Even though I have lots of issues with my body, I’ve made a point of acting like I don’t. For example, we have a two-headed shower, so Kendall and I used to shower together before school. I never tried to hide my body from her, and I think it’s paid off; she has a body very much like mine. She is far from a toothpick, though all of her friends are skinny, but she likes her body. Her only problem is stretch marks from growing so fast. She has them on her thighs and doesn’t like them but it doesn’t keep her from wearing a typical bikini. I feel good about that.