October 1st, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Word to my homies.  (Er, what?!)

We just got back from our annual vacation ala Murph at the Coral Pink Sand Dunes in Southern Utah where we spent four sand-in-the-crack  filled fun filled days.  I think my heart stopped beating at a very early point in the trip when I remembered that there was absolutely NO cell phone coverage or internet.  Verizon has GOT to put a tower out there.  Seriously.  (Also, it’s time for Kate to get a SmartPhone.  I’m accepting donations if they’re pink and rhyme with CrackBerry.  Mmmm crackberries.)

Wait, sorry.  I was talking about the vacation.  Where phones didn’t work.  Right.

I learned a few valuable lessons this weekend, which I shall glady share with you should you ever go on a four day vacation to the sand dunes.  (You’re welcome.)  Ahem:

1. Noise cancelling headphones and any sort of MP3 device that plays movies are totally worth the money.
2. Matching pink and black ATV gear is awesome and makes all the five year old girls at the campground jealous of you.  That’s always been a goal of mine.  Now I can check that off my list of things to do before I die.  Make young impressionable girls jealous of my awesomeness.  CHECK!
3.  Black ATV gear is HOT and makes you sweat like a pig.  But at least you look cool and the little girls are jealous.  (Seriously I felt SO bad-a!)
4. Don’t get over-confident on your sweet ride because if you do?  Several bad things might occur:
   • You might pop a wheelie at the top of a very steep ledged hill and slide right off the back of your sweet ride which will, in turn, stay upright on it’s two back wheels for many yards before settling down onto all four and travelling another 50 yards or so to rest at the bottom of a hill.  (My butt print is my gift to Southern Utah and the vision of me sliding off the back of my ATV is my gift Steve.  You’re very welcome, both of you.)
   • You might hit a very very large cow pie at full speed.  Said cow pie may explode all over sweet ride and sweet clothes.  You may have to clean it up.  It may take a very long time.  And stink.
5. Husbands scare easily when they see their wife rolling around on the ground with her ATV 100 yard away from her.  They come running at full speed to save the wife and might be just a little irritated when they find her laughing hysterically, unable to speak, merely pointing at her perfectly preserved ass print in the sand.
6. Never hurry when stepping out of the camper.  Sprained ankles SOUND fun but in reality?  They are not.
7. Do not attempt to get your sweet ride un-stuck from the sand from behind with your knee whilst wearing shorts.  There is a hot muffler there and burned skin smells bad and scars for life.  It also hurts like a mo-fo when the nerves start to grow back and the blister pops.
8. Try to bring two air mattresses for spousal sleeping arrangements.  Sharing one really sucks because when one moves, we all move.  When one moves (therefore we all move) ALL NIGHT LONG, we all don’t get no sleepy.
9. Bees like Diet Coke with Lime.  A LOT.  Like, enough to go on suicide missions just to get a tiny drop of that limey goodness.  I can’t really say I blame them.

I think the overall theme here is that I am a giant accident waiting to happen.  Or continually happening.  All the time.  Yeah.  That one.

 (Oh and I really need a CrackBerry.  Pale pearly pink, please!)