October 18th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Well, it arrived sooner than I thought possible.  The town car is outside waiting and Matt is loading our bags for our adventure to China.

I suck and didn’t arrange guest posts, but I’m sure you will all survive without me.

I hope everyone has a great couple of weeks!  See you in November!!

October 15th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

It was lunch time. I hadn’t eaten breakfast (bad idea when you’re hypoglycemic, just for the record.) and lunch was nowhere close to happening. I was STARVING and shaky. And cranky. BOY was I cranky.

I keep a stash of quarters in my desk drawer just for such occasions. I don’t LIKE using them, because I end up eating something with eight million calories and four thousand grams of fat, but sometimes I HAVE to use them. I grabbed three, which was the amount I would need for a Twix, and walked into the break room. Not paying much attention, I plopped in my three quarters and pushed 43 for a Twix. BEEP BEEP BEEP. Wha??

The display was flashing the number “$0.85″ at me.

EIGHTY FIVE CENTS for a CANDY BAR? My blood boiled. I was being taken advantage of! My need for food was feeding the greedy candy man’s growing empire. I angrily pushed the button to get my quarters back and went in search of a stupid dime. I was too hungry to fight this battle today. I needed food!

After finding my dime, I stormed back in to the break room and plopped my FRICKIN’ EIGHTY FIVE CENTS into the machine. Then I noticed something. A Baby Ruth, teetering dangerously from the metal tooth of the candy machine. HA! I was going to give it to the candy man. Not only would I get a Baby Ruth in all it’s peanutty goodness, but I would get TWO. I really wanted a Twix, but TWO Baby Ruth’s are way better than one Twix.

47. Screw 43, I want number 47.

Then the miracle occurred. The parts of the machine started turning and I heard two plops. Then two more. Then two more . . . and again! And AGAIN! Both the Twix and Baby Ruth sections where whirring away, spitting out not just the two Baby Ruth’s . . . but EIGHT candy bars. Four Twix and four Baby Ruth bars! JACKPOT!

Ignoring the drooling glances of everyone else in the break room, I selfishly gathered up my huge pile of loot and stormed triumphantly to my desk. I had battled the machine and I had won.

That day will go down in history as the day I took it to the candy man – and ate EIGHT candy bars.* I like to think it was a win-win, but my ass seems to disagree heartily. Too bad, ass.

*OK I lied took creative license on that little detail. I didn’t eat all eight that day. I shared one with the guy in the cube next to me and I still have one Baby Ruth left. But not for long.

October 10th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Dumb Girl:  Remember that party last weekend??  Giggle, giggle, chirp, chirp, chirp, annoying laugh blah blah blah.

Dumb Boy on date with Dumb Girl:  Mumble, party, muble, people blah de blah.

Dumb Girl:  Seriously, whenever you get around people you are soooooo obliviant.

 . . . um, whaa?

October 9th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

We just got Rock Band.  FOR FREE.  I love “knowing a guy” and having “the guy” owe me one.

I told Matt he’d love it and laughed at him when he didn’t believe me.  He believes me now.  We just played for two hours straight. 

I have three blisters on my fingers from the drumsticks and I just discovered that Matt?  Can actually sing.  Who knew!

 My own little rocker.  How cute.

October 7th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Um, I leave for China in ELEVEN DAYS.  I’m not sure how this trip snuck up on me like this, but HOLY CRAP ELEVEN DAYS! And I need help.  With shoes.

You heard me. Shoes.

SO, a while ago, the beautiful Angela at Tomorrow is Another Day went on the “Great Shoe Quest” for her honeymoon trip to Italy.  I thought I would just use and abuse all her hard work and buy the same shoes she did for my trip.  Enter FALL in CHINA.   It’s going to be weird weather.  It’s slated to be in the 70’s but you know there’s going to be freezing cold days mixed in there too.  SO, I need a COMFY, CUTE (emphasis on CUTE) pair of shoes that I can wear WITH and WITHOUT socks that will allow me to frolic happily through the Chinese countryside in comfort AND not cringe at every picture where my feet make an appearance.  Oh, and that don’t cost as much as a pair of Manolos.  Because if there’s a choice?  I’ll hike the Great Wall of China in Manolos.

Basically, I’m searching for the impossible.

I went to some walking shoe store last night where I was subjected to foot scans (apparently I’ve been wearing a half size too large my whole life) and seven million dollar orthodics in fairly comfortable but extraordinarily expensive grandma shoes.  (Sorry, Grandma.)    He told me I’m at high risk for metatarcil-blahdee-itis (official term.  HA!) and that I shouldn’t wear heels.  I looked him right in the eye and told him they’d take my 5 1/2 inch heels away from me over my dead — and footless — body.  He proceeded to say words like “burning,” “sore,” “numb” and “no longer functioning” which I promptly ignored and left his ugly, overpriced store to go look at pointy toed boots.

So now I’m searching for the impossible, I’m picky, indignant and easily distracted by stilettos.  Excellent.

So now, dear internets, I ask for your assistance.   Please oh please help me find a pair (or two) of shoes for China.

To sweeten the deal and entice you more, I’ll turn it into a contest.  Whoever recommends the pair of shoes I actually buy will get a $10 iTunes gift card.  Whoever recommends the MOST shoes (aka works the hardest) will also get a $10 iTunes gift card.  If you do BOTH, I’ll give you BOTH.  Sound fair??

Ready, Go!

October 5th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Is today SUNDAY?  I guess that means it’s time for Soap Opera Sunday.  Thanks a million to 2 Hearts  for hosting this month!  Our theme (which you don’t have to follow!  It’s just a suggestion) is “Long Distance Relationships.”  Head on over to check out other soapy tales!

This is the continuation of the (seemingly) neverending saga of Richard.    It’s been going on since DECEMBER 2, 2007.  Um, seriously?  TEN MONTHS OF THIS?  Yu-hikes.

So I’ll just jump in, shall I?

———–

I was terrified to get off of that plane.  I was still on a high after my weekend with Matt.  I was so scared I was going to walk right back into Richard’s arms because of the magnetic pull I felt towards him.  Scared that my hormones would once again take over my reason and cause me to fall for him agian and again and again.  And again.  Forever and ever.  And ever.

I was looking down as I walked towards him.  I didn’t want to see his arms outstretched, ready to take me in.  I didn’t want to look at his face and see his perfect dimpled smile.  I didn’t want to breathe in his intoxicating smell.  I was tired.  It had been two years of trying and aching.  Two years of the seemingly endless torture of wanting everything and getting just a little bit. Two wasted years.

“Hey bud!”  He laughed as I came toward him.  As I expected, he wrapped me in one of his special hugs, holding me close and sighing as he smelled my hair.  I cringed, waiting for the wave of wanting to hit me.

Nothing.

I opened my eyes and looked around, confused then closed my eyes again, knowing it was going to hit me any second.

I guess I could have waited forever because it never happened.

I. Was. FREE.

I couldn’t do anything but laugh.  Richard was, naturally, confused by the outburst, but knew me well enough not to think too much of it.

We chatted casually the whole way to my house.  It was easy and actually fun for the first time in a long while. We pulled up and I jumped out of the car, grabbed my suitcase and waved a casual good-bye.  Richard shouted after me, asking where his hug was, and I just laughed and told him I was in a hurry as I skipped inside.

Matt and I started talking on the phone almost daily, as well as sending emails back and forth from work.  Things were going very, very well.  I liked this guy A LOT.  I was very excited for everything but the part where he had JUST moved away from Utah and we lived about 600 miles away from each other.  Other than that little detail, it seemed practically perfect.

However, it seemed my perfection was tainted because I had some loose ends I needed to tie up with . . . Richard.

October 1st, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Word to my homies.  (Er, what?!)

We just got back from our annual vacation ala Murph at the Coral Pink Sand Dunes in Southern Utah where we spent four sand-in-the-crack  filled fun filled days.  I think my heart stopped beating at a very early point in the trip when I remembered that there was absolutely NO cell phone coverage or internet.  Verizon has GOT to put a tower out there.  Seriously.  (Also, it’s time for Kate to get a SmartPhone.  I’m accepting donations if they’re pink and rhyme with CrackBerry.  Mmmm crackberries.)

Wait, sorry.  I was talking about the vacation.  Where phones didn’t work.  Right.

I learned a few valuable lessons this weekend, which I shall glady share with you should you ever go on a four day vacation to the sand dunes.  (You’re welcome.)  Ahem:

1. Noise cancelling headphones and any sort of MP3 device that plays movies are totally worth the money.
2. Matching pink and black ATV gear is awesome and makes all the five year old girls at the campground jealous of you.  That’s always been a goal of mine.  Now I can check that off my list of things to do before I die.  Make young impressionable girls jealous of my awesomeness.  CHECK!
3.  Black ATV gear is HOT and makes you sweat like a pig.  But at least you look cool and the little girls are jealous.  (Seriously I felt SO bad-a!)
4. Don’t get over-confident on your sweet ride because if you do?  Several bad things might occur:
   • You might pop a wheelie at the top of a very steep ledged hill and slide right off the back of your sweet ride which will, in turn, stay upright on it’s two back wheels for many yards before settling down onto all four and travelling another 50 yards or so to rest at the bottom of a hill.  (My butt print is my gift to Southern Utah and the vision of me sliding off the back of my ATV is my gift Steve.  You’re very welcome, both of you.)
   • You might hit a very very large cow pie at full speed.  Said cow pie may explode all over sweet ride and sweet clothes.  You may have to clean it up.  It may take a very long time.  And stink.
5. Husbands scare easily when they see their wife rolling around on the ground with her ATV 100 yard away from her.  They come running at full speed to save the wife and might be just a little irritated when they find her laughing hysterically, unable to speak, merely pointing at her perfectly preserved ass print in the sand.
6. Never hurry when stepping out of the camper.  Sprained ankles SOUND fun but in reality?  They are not.
7. Do not attempt to get your sweet ride un-stuck from the sand from behind with your knee whilst wearing shorts.  There is a hot muffler there and burned skin smells bad and scars for life.  It also hurts like a mo-fo when the nerves start to grow back and the blister pops.
8. Try to bring two air mattresses for spousal sleeping arrangements.  Sharing one really sucks because when one moves, we all move.  When one moves (therefore we all move) ALL NIGHT LONG, we all don’t get no sleepy.
9. Bees like Diet Coke with Lime.  A LOT.  Like, enough to go on suicide missions just to get a tiny drop of that limey goodness.  I can’t really say I blame them.

I think the overall theme here is that I am a giant accident waiting to happen.  Or continually happening.  All the time.  Yeah.  That one.

 (Oh and I really need a CrackBerry.  Pale pearly pink, please!)