August 9th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

So I’ve made a semi-crazy decision here this week. I’m writing TWO Soap Opera Sunday posts. The reason for this? Well, first of all, I’ve left you guys hanging for WAY too long with regards to the Richard story. Most of you may not care, but some of you have made it clear that I need to finish STAT. That will be the first post.

The second post will follow our monthly theme of “First Kisses.” I couldn’t NOT play along. I have way too many first kiss stories I am dying to share.

Check out Brillig’s site for other Soap Operas. We’ve got a lot of fun first kiss stories already! I’m loving it!

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SO, first things first . . . Richard. When I left off FOREVER ago, I had been trying to date other people and it just hadn’t worked out. So I was actively persuing him in any way possible. I let all my pride go and just jumped in with everything I had. And it got ugly. Well for me, at least. His life was about to get much easier.

I was doing anything and everything for him to prove that I would be the best.wife.ever. My credit card bill got bigger and bigger as I bought him every cool thing he saw or thought about out loud. I was his nurse when he pulled various muscles and tendons playing baseketball/soccer. I’d drive from Provo to Salt Lake at a moments notice to go on a date or bring him dinner or go to a family party. (I LOVED his family and they loved me.)

The Ex (who’s name we no longer speak) was engaged by now, so she wasn’t in the picture any longer, but I had lots of other “competition” . . . as in, every other girl he met. He was out clubbing with friends whenever he wasn’t with me, so i was always worried about the girls he met. I’d grill him endlessly and make it known that I wasn’t happy. He’d get mad every once in a while, but overall, he benefited from my presence, so he’d try hard not to piss me off.

I did a lot of things for Richard that I’m not particularly proud of now. He liked dark hair . . . so I died my hair black. He liked certain clothes, so I’d wear those. I’d watch endless hours of Sports Center and rub whatever muscle was aching that day and then sit there helpless when he’d fall asleep, weighing on me heavy as a rock. I’d give up anything for a second with him.

I put the “fun” in “dysfunctional relationship,” no?

Then there was one particularly dark night. It’s a night that is very hard to think about, let alone write about, so I’m sparing you and myself the details. Lines were crossed and horrible things were said and done and I thought my heart would never heal. It became very clear that night exactly what Richard thought of me. I was like a play thing. A toy that he could toss away at will. He was embarrassed of me, worried about who would see us together and what they would think. He wanted freedom from me and from everyone, but he wanted the things his loved ones provided, so he used us all.

I drove home from his house that day sobbing uncontrollably. I called my Dad and told him I was moving back east. I knew I had to get as far away from Richard as humanly possible. I stayed in bed crying the next day until Hannah felt like swinging by and discovered me, broken. She stayed and talked to me and helped me calm down a bit. She was my saving grace that day.

But I was still very, very broken. And the depression found me again.