May 31st, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Hey party people!  It’s that time of the week again!  Soap Opera Sunday!!

Our dear Canadian Flake is hosting this week because I’m pretty sure I lost my brain and my ability to do anything but sing like a trained monkey on stage (two performances down, two to go!).  Also because she’s very very cool.
I am going to try with all my might to get caught up with my Richard saga tomorrow . . . we’ll see what really happens!  Now go on!  Go over and read the soapy fun!

May 29th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

I am guest posting over yonder at Brillig’s today, where I’ve written a random list of songs that remind me of my best girl.  Go check it out!  And if you’re not already reading Brillig, you sort of need to.  She rocks the hizous in a serious way.

May 28th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Three years ago today I married the man of my dreams

The man who has, in every way imaginable, saved me

The man who taught me that a good marriage in my crazy family is possible

Who proved to me that love isn’t hard

Who showed me that a simple, calm, (relatively) drama free life isn’t boring, it’s amazing

The man who still makes me want to jump for joy because he chose me

The man who makes me feel beautiful every single day(even when I know I’m not)

Three years ago today I married the most amazing man I’ve ever met.

And every day I am more in love and so grateful that he is mine and I am his for eternity.

May 27th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Um, this week, and next week, and the week after that, and the week after that are all going to be CRAZY. Insane I tell you. Between visitors (hi in-laws! Hi Grandma and Grandpa! Hi my lovely ladies, the Girl’s Trip is SO CLOSE!), my play (finally! We perform this week!), work trips, anniversaries, and holycrap it’s my ten year high school reunion, I’m swamped!

Forgive me if I’m a wee bit absent from el Blogo for the next few weeks. I do have some things lined up. I’m guest posting over at Brillig’s pad on Thursday, I will continue to host Soap Opera Sunday (and hopefully write a few of my own!) and I’ll try hard to update you on the stuffage that goes on in my life. Just be patient with me. I’m trying to breathe here!

May 23rd, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Word to my homies. (Says the whitest white girl ever born.)

I’m hosting Soap Opera Sunday this weekend, but I have some insanity going on, what with my fantabulous in-laws in town and the last weekend of play practice, so I’m putting up the Mr. Linky now, and I will try to get to my Reason #3 post as soon as humanly possible.

Love, kisses and happy sudsing!!

May 22nd, 2008 by Kateastrophe

I have come to the realization that I’m a total snob. I’ve tried to deny it for years, but it’s true.

I think I’m better than a lot of people. I also think I’m smarter.

There. I’ve publically said it. And now the world knows I’m a snob.

I have this problem where I have no poker face. Every emotion I have shows clearly in my eyes. So when someone I think is an idiot starts saying idiotic things to me, que readable face, and the whole world knows. I’ve obviously known about that for a long time, but I’ve tried to be more conscious of it, and other people’s reactions to it. In doing that, I’ve discovered that I spend about 80% of my life giving people the “seriously, did you just say that out loud” look. And people notice. And I’m pretty sure everyone I interact with thinks I’m the world’s biggest brat.

Around my girlfriends, it doesn’t matter so much, because we’re all known for sort of . . . saying what we think around each other. We used to make each other apologize when we thought we said something funny that clearly wasn’t. We’re all sarcastic and love to banter, so when in their company, I am safe to make whatever face I please. Plus, I don’t think I’m smarter or cooler than any of my friends, so they are free from my snobbish judgments. They are all amazing and I aspire to be a little like each of them.

My family is the worst. We have sort of an “eat or be eaten” mentality and we prey on the weak. We gang up on the weakling of any group and divide and conquer. So around my family, we pretty much treat everyone like an idiot until proven otherwise. I blame my Dad. He’s Mr. Intimidation and loves making people uncomfortable by treating them like they are less than him. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, and once you’ve shown you can hold your own, praise is abundant. You just have to hold your own . . . and most people don’t want to. We’re one of the most fun families you’ll ever find in the world . . . but we’re also the most harsh and critical. It’s a double edged sword that I have learned to appreciate.

I was raised to have great self esteem. I always thought I was prettier, skinnier, funnier, smarter and all in all greater than I probably ever have been or will be. I go through life with confidence, knowing I can accomplish the things I want to achieve. I AM smart. I AM beautiful. I AM funny. I am a lot of great things, I’m not going to lie about that. I just need to be careful not to let my self confidence stomp on other people. Knowing I’m smart doesn’t make me the end-all of knowledge. Being attractive doesn’t give me the right to walk around like I own the world. Being successful at my job doesn’t give me the right to be disrespectful to someone struggling to make ends meet. I’m not saying I intentionally behave that way . . . but I’ve caught myself in the bad behaviors a lot lately. And it’s making me uncomfortable.

I try to be a nice person. I have a kind heart, I am never intentionally cruel to anyone. I’m fun to be around, I love to laugh and I love fiercely and protectively . . . I just don’t tolerate dumb idiocy very well and it’s getting harder and harder to be part of my “inner circle.” I am trying to be more aware of my attitudes and behaviors. I try ask myself the questions “who am I to judge who is smart and who is stupid? Who am I to think I’m better than anyone?” My new life goal to be more humble, more grateful, more generous, more forgiving, more understanding. I’m going to need a lot of help. I just have to humble myself enough to ask God for that help and then accept whatever comes my way, because we all know asking God for humility can really come back to kick you in the butt. Yet, I’m asking for it. Humble is what I’m going to be.

It’s just hard when I’m so freaking awesome. (KIDDING! Seriously.)

May 20th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Woah, so sorry this is so late. I’ve sort of been having an affair with my Wii. And now it hurts to type because I totally threw out my arm. Awesome. Ha.

For anyone who played this week, leave your link in the Mr. Linky so we can all read your fun soapy tales! Sorry it took so long. Brillig is moving and her life is a little insane, and we forgot to coordinate. Let’s assume I’m hosting every week until sweet Brill can get moved and calm her life down a bit, k? If any of you want to host, lemme know and I’ll put you in the calendar!

Don’t know what the crap I’m talking about? The rules for Soap Opera Sunday are here. We’d love you to play! Also, remember that we have an anonymous soapy site for those of you who want to play but don’t want anyone to know who you are!! That site is here.

——————–

Ok, to review, at this point in my saga I’ve been “dating” Richard for about a year or so. I’m attempting to get over him by going out on other dates. Last week, you met Dominic, suicidal psycho extraordinaire. Through our lovely interaction, I was introduced to Dominic’s friend Chris, via phone. And now you’re caught up.

Chris and I talked on the phone for a few days and he decided to drive from his home a few hours away and take me out on a date. He seemed really cool and really down to earth so I was excited to meet him. The Saturday of our date rolled around and as I was getting ready, I got a phone call.

“Hey Kate, it’s Chris. I sort of hate to ask this, but can you drive tonight? My car is a mess and it’s not working very well either. I’d hate for you to get dirty and for us to have a breakdown.”

I agreed and thought nothing of it. I drove over to his friend’s apartment and called him from outside. He came down the stairs and I was, within seconds, no longer excited for our date. He looked NOTHING like his description of himself. He was totally bald, had horrible teeth, was dressed in a ratty old t-shirt and jeans, and just looked downright white trash. I already knew this night was not going to go very well.

He got in the car and said he had fun plans for us, in Salt Lake. An hour away. In my car. With my gas. Sigh. OK, off we went. As I drove he talked NON-STOP. I seriously couldn’t get a word in. AND, I know it wasn’t interesting because all that I remember was that he wouldn’t shut up. I can’t remember anything about what he said in the car.

We arrived at the restaurant, which was the best part of the evening. It was a darling Cajun restaurant that I had never heard of before. We had to wait about fifteen minutes for our table, so we went and got sodas at the bar. Again, he just kept talking and I kept zoning out. We finally sat down at our table and the first thing I noticed is that we were practically sitting in the laps of the people next to us. It was one of those places where the entire wall is a bench and then the tables are arranged in front of it . . . so yeah, mui close to the table next to us. This proved to be extremely embarrassing for me, as we sat down and my date, thinking to entertain me, said the most inappropriate thing I’ve ever heard on a date. (And I apologize to my readers in advance and am dreading the searches I will get for what I’m about to tell you all.)

He looked across the table at me and, very seriously, said “Wanna see my straw ejaculate?”

Uhhhhhhhh

Without any prompting from me, he proceeded to do just what he said. I’ll let you use your imaginations as to how it happened.

I almost choked to death on my Diet Coke, and the woman next to me just stared, slack jawed.

I tried to pretend it never happened and continued with dinner, now trying to think of a way out of the rest of the evening, which was to include mini race cars. I couldn’t think of anything! I was the driver, so I couldn’t just ditch him in Salt Lake. I’m mean, but I’m not that mean!!

About halfway through dinner, Chris stood up and loudly announced that he was “going to the urinal to make a gold deposit, then flush it down.” No lie. Those were his exact words. Again, I was speechless and the woman next to me was slack jawed. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. When Chris got back I excused myself to go to the restroom and called my best friend Julia. I told her she HAD to do something to get me out of this date. She, being the genius that she is, text messaged me (thank heaven for cell phones and text messages) about ten minutes later that her fiancé had called off the wedding and she needed me right that minute. Me, being the outstanding actress that I am, played this off perfectly and, almost in tears, convinced Chris that I had to go be with Julia.

It was the perfect plan. I drove him back to his friend’s apartment like a bat out of hell and then went to Julia’s house, where we proceeded to watch Blue Crush and have a great girls night. Chris tried to call me for weeks afterward. Thank goodness for caller ID. I never spoke to him again. About three weeks after our “date” I got a message from him that said “Listen, Kate. If you had a bad time just tell me. Why do girls always do this to me? It’s not fair.”

Yeah, buddy. I can’t imagine why girls always do that to you. Moron.

Once again, the disaster that was Richard wasn’t looking so very bad.

May 19th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Um, so I WROTE a post last night.  It was short and sweet and about my new Wii . . . and now it’s gone.  I’m a little confused because I even got comments from it . . . and now everything is gone.   That is so weird.

I should have just lied and said my SOS post disappeared so I could be off the hook.  Now I’m stuck.  Ha.

I promise I’ll write it today.  I think.

May 16th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

I keep WANTING to blog every day, but I’m finding myself very lame lately. So now you will see my brain, exploding all over your computer. You’re welcome for the visual.

I’ve been fighting this weird sickness, so I haven’t been to the gym. Not going to the gym makes me feel like crap. So does being sick. SO, I have felt like double crap all week and been sleeping a lot. That? Is lame. My lack of weight loss in the last few weeks due to trips and illnesses and laziness? Also lame.

My play performances are in two weeks. FINALLY it’s almost over. Last night we were supposed to have a polishing rehearsal . . .polishing lines, movement, etc. Instead? As is our custom, we spent the entire rehearsal re-choreographing a number that we thought we were done with. Teaching the idiot spaghetti limbed gumby/muppet who plays my love interest a new dance? Not really possible in two hours. Asking me to teach him? Totally pisses me off and makes me like him (and others) even less. Two more weeks . . . two more weeks. LAME!

In very UN-lame news :

My Mom is back THANK JEEBUS. I talked to her last night just as they were driving into town. She said they were crusty and dirty and experienced far too much nudity from her flower-child friend who’s family joined them on the trip (um, EW) and that, in spite of a near-blindness experience with my brother (which he compared to one of those creepy dolls who closes their eyes when you lay them down, hard to explain but FUNNY), they had a wondermous time. And she’s alive and now in a place where her cell phone works. I can breathe again. And paint my house. It’s about time.

We have new neighbors! Their house is almost done (oh thank goodness, no more early morning pounding right outside our bedroom window) and we sort of love them. They are from Columbus (Go Buckeyes!) and we finally have a fun couple to hang out with. The only slightly weird part is that, while they are only about seven years older than us (well, seven years older than Matt), they have a TWENTY-TWO YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. Makes me feel like we’re getting a really late start on the whole birthing children thing. Well, for Mormons, we totally are, so I guess I can live with that. It’s still weird though!

Now, a question. I have no idea if any of my dear readers live in Phoenix, but if you do, I need SO much help. I need someone amazing to do my hair. Well, I need someone amazing who doesn’t charge me $400. Or even $200. Maybe closer to (or below) $100. Someone amazing AND amazingly cheap. See, I’m going grey. Well, not grey, WHITE. And the whole lazy hair thing isn’t working out for me and the white hairs. WE NEED HIGHLIGHTS STAT. And maybe a trim. Six months is a long, long time.

helpme

May 13th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

So, this last week I’ve had a taste of what life without my Mom would be like. IT TOTALLY SUCKS.

My Mom is one of my very best friends and we talk on the phone at least two or three times a week. We’re close to the same size and are now in the business of swapping clothes (or of me giving her my clothes in order to help her get away from the dreaded “Mom Jeans.” You know the ones of which I speak) she is my personal decorator, nurse/physician and confidante. She is seriously one of the coolest people in the whole world. She cooks, she builds stuff, she demolishes stuff, she camps, she lives in Tee-pees (you heard me), she skis, she listens, she owns her own successful business, she defends me, she tells me when I’m being stupid, she’s brilliant and she runs marathons for FUN, people. Try living in the shadow of THAT! Ok it’s not that bad. She’s uber supportive and has always made me feel like I could fly if I wanted it badly enough. She’s truly amazing.

All that being said, she’s on my list this week. She’s been roughing it on a river trip with my brother for six days and HER CELL PHONE DOESN’T GET RECEPTION. I’M DYING OVER HERE!

I have some horrible form of the plague that has taken up residence in my nasal cavities and throat and none of my usual medications are helping. I absentmindedly picked up the phone to call her from the always confusing drug aisle of the grocery store and as it went straight to voicemail I realized that I have NO IDEA what medicine to get without her. *Sob, cough, sneeze, sob*

I am in the process of finding paint for my family room. From Lowe’s, I absentmindedly picked up the phone to call her and as it goes straight to voicemail I realize that I can’t POSSIBLY pick out paint without her!! *Sob, leave walls white, sob.*

I found an unbelievable deal on her new favorite jeans, and I picked up the phone to call her . . . luckily I remembered she fell off the face of the earth and there’s no way for me to get a hold of her. She just missed out on great jeans! Take that, camping trip Mom.

I have decided that my Mom can never move anywhere that cell phones don’t work AND she’s never allowed to die, because I will cease to function as a human being. It’s sad but true.

Mommy? Come back soon!