April 29th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Well, apparently the fact that I haven’t been skiing for six or seven years caught up with me yesterday because, OW.

Let’s just say that I’m glad it was all free because had I paid the $150 or so it would have cost me to go skiing yesterday I would have been pissed. I mean, it was still fun because it was skiing and it was beautiful weather and great snow for the end of April, but I had some issues.

Issue #1 is that I haven’t been skiing in a long time. I didn’t forget how or fall down (not even once!) or anything . . . I was just tentative and a little uptight, especially the first run.

Then, issue #2 was the boots. My first pair of ski boots made me loose all feeling below my knees within about ten minutes. I traded them in for bigger ones before going up the tram, and then noticed my toes were hitting into the front my first time down the mountain. Also, the right boot was so tight on my calf that it was cutting off circulation to my brain and when I loosened it, it didn’t improve. I thought it was because my form was SO BAD as I did the pie down the hill — which took and hour and a half just for the back side of the mountain where I wussed out and took the tram down for lunch.

After lunch we went back up and I discovered that my boots were the devil. It was the most painful hour of my life thus far. As I got more confident and increased my speed and improved my form (skiis can stay somewhat parallel? What?) my toes were smashing into the front of my boot, my right calf and right foot had no feeling left and (not related to bad boots) my left knee felt as though I had turned my entire leg around below the knee and was skiing that way.

Let it be known that I am an idiot pansy because after my second run, I gave up.

It should be noted that I did get three full hours of skiing in. It should also be noted that we only had time for one more run before the last shuttle left, and by the time I went down the mountain, traded in my ski boots and took the tram back up the mountain, I wouldn’t have had time to do another run.

Still, I totally quit. I am a sore, tired, wussy, skiing loser. And I am ashamed.

April 27th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Well hello there.

I am currently lounging in a fancy bathrobe next to my Mama, who is also in a fancy bathrobe, in a fancy hotel owned by Chain ala Marriott.  (Um, seriously, the SHEETS!?  Amazing.  Also, the Bath & Body Works concoctions in the bathroom?  Fughettaboutit.)

You’ll forgive me for not writing a Soap Opera Sunday today.   I had lots of best friends to see, cute babies to hold and giggle with, lots of crab legs to eat, and lots of hotel lounging to do.  And tomorrow there will be skiing.  I am both excited and frightened.  Mostly excited.

So, I might be missing for the next few days, but then again I might not.  I mean if I can blog from bed . . .

April 25th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Um, hi.  I am super swamped and a little overwhelmed and um, a bad blogger.  Yeah that about sums it up.

The play I’m in is taking over my life.  And I wish I were happy about that.  Hate the play.  Hate my character.  Hate it all.  SO that’s awesome.  I have an eight hour rehearsal tomorrow that, as you can tell from the last sentence, I’m not exactly thrilled to attend.

There is a silver lining to my cloud though.  Tomorrow night I am flying to Utah to spend Sunday with friends and family and then, horror of horrors, I am being forced to go skiing on Monday (for work!!  I get to spend the day skiing and call it work!!) then spend the next two days at a user conference for one of our largest clients.  They just needed a body, and this body thought . . . I get to go home and spend time with my family, THEN go skiing, THEN meet the cool people at our clients office THEN spend Wednesday when the conference is over hanging out with friends in Salt Lake?  SOLD.  So I volunteered to be the body.  Lucky for them, the body they selected is one of the only people who knows how to assemble our booth.  So they killed many birds with one stone.  AND I GET TO GO HOME!  I wish I had more than just Sunday to see everyone I need to see, but still!  One whole day!  And I don’t have to pay for it!  Whoopee!

So um, I’m getting ready for the trip as well as spending all day at practice.  And attempting to find ski gloves, hats, pants and the like.  Because I, um, live in Phoenix and have no need for ski gear of any sort.  Bathing suits, yes.  Ski clothes, not so much.

With that stupid update, I’m off.  Friends in Utah, see you soon.  Friends in Phoenix . . . wait, I don’t have any of those.  Nevermind.

April 23rd, 2008 by Kateastrophe

I’d have a tan all year ’round.  And no eczema.

I’d wear a size 4 pants.

I’d love exercising and be training for a marathon.

I would hate cheese.  And cream.  And chocolate.

I would be a beautiful dancer.

I would have beautiful, natural fingernails instead of the crooked growing mess I have on my hands.

My house would be sparkling clean all the time.

I would throw caution to the wind, quit my job and try out for American Idol or a Broadway musical.  (Maybe both.)

I would be less easily offended.

I’d say exactly what was on my mind to idiotic people.

I take that last one back.  I’d say exactly what was on my mind to everyone.

I would have unending patience.

I’d find a way to tell today to f-off, give it the finger and transport myself to tomorrow.  Because, you see, tomorrow is going to be a better day.  It’s going to be a beautiful, sunny, amazing day.  A day where I remember that as I have grown, I’ve become a pretty amazing girl.  Because I am the kind of girl who

Has great taste in shoes.

Was blessed with beautiful, thick, straight hair that looks good long.  And as much as I long for curls, I wouldn’t trade it.

Is learning to love exercise and am loving the way I’m feeling now that I’m doing it consistently.

Has a totally awesome job.

Lives in a beautiful, comfortable home.

Won’t ever have suntan wrinkle-leather skin.

Has Marilyn Monroe-esque curves, and is proud of them.

Learned how to cook and eat healthy and still like my food.

Still occasionally eats junk food and loves it.

Married an amazing man who will always take care of me and love me, not matter how many times I  am awful to him.

Has an amazing mother who taught me to take responsibility for my actions.

Has a brilliant father who always told me I could be whatever I wanted.  And I still believe him.

Has awe inspiring siblings.

Gets to call the most amazing, hilarious women in the world my best friends.

Has empathy and understanding for others.

Cares immensely.

Loves deeply.

Sometimes it helps to take a break from my crazy day and remember that no matter what kind of girl I wish I could be some days . . . no matter how badly I stumble in my quest to be a better person, I actually like who I have become as I’ve grown up.  There was a time where I was the kind of girl who couldn’t find anything about herself to like.  I’m glad she’s gone.  I like the girl who took her place.  She’s someone to be proud of.

What about you?  What qualities about yourself are you proud of?

April 21st, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Life is amazing and crappy all at the same time.

The weather in Arizona has been simply amazing.  Last year by about the middle of March it was eyelash singeing hot. This year?  It’s almost May and we are still in the high-seventies, mid-eighties most days.  The green that sprouted on the mountains (hahaha mountains.  More like mole hills) has died, but all the trees and flowers and cacti are in bloom and, for the first time in four years, I think Arizona is a beautiful place to live.

In the middle of all this beauty there is sadness.  I found out yesterday that the construction superintendent who built our home passed away suddenly last week of a massive heart attack.  He was 43.  He leaves behind a beautiful wife and twin boys who are only ten years old.  I didn’t know him very well, but my interactions with him always left me with a smile.  He was so sweet and caring.  He was the head superintendent and didn’t work on many homes.  We were always told how lucky we were that Chuck was our man.  “He’s the best!” Everyone would say.  He was the best.  My thoughts and prayers are with his family at this horrible time.

His passing was SO sudden and SO unexpected.  It has really made me stop and thank God for my health and the health of those I love.  It can all be over so fast.

While there might be much in this life to be sad about, I think there is much more to rejoice about.  Today, I am more grateful than ever for an amazing, kind, loving husband.  For a family who means more to me than I could ever say, who are there for me no matter what.  For friends who have enriched my life, who make me laugh until I cry and who I know would do anything for me in the blink of an eye. I have truly been blessed.  And I am truly grateful.

April 20th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

So after the vote, Soap Opera Sunday lives on! (For the record. no matter what the vote had ended up as, I would have at least finished this story for you guys! Cross my heart.) Brilly-pants is hosting this week (thank goodness because I can’t seem to figure out why my Mr. Linky isn’t working!) and the rules are here. Remember that we also have an Anonymous Soapy Site for those of you who have stories to tell but would prefer to remain . . . (dun dun dun) ANONYMOUS!

Now, my neverending saga continues . . . you can hit up the Soap Opera Sunday Category in my sidebar for other soapy tales and the first bazillion installments of this story!!

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I remember so many of the exact details of the beginning of my time with Richard, but it’s near the middle (about where we are now) that things get a little fuzzy.

I moved into a new house with two great roommates and they, of course, immediately heard about Richard. He came to visit rarely and I was up in Salt Lake every chance I got visiting him. We spent most of our time together sitting on his couch watching TV. At first it was ESPN but as the War in Iraq got going, and my brother was part of it, we spent a lot of time watching the never ending war coverage. I think we were both hoping for a glance of Sean, just to make sure he was OK. We were both extremely worried about him. I thought it was sweet.

I took a second job working for a sports memoribila store. I needed more to do after my other job to keep myself busy while I waited for Richard to finish working out . . . or finish his basketball game . . . or finish his soccer game . . . or finish his date . . . or finish shaving his legs (no lie this happened) . . . and Richard needed discounts on authentic throw-back sports jerseys. It was the perfect job for that.

Richard started to rely on me for things he really should have done himself. I was more than happy to be relied upon. I thought that the more he relied on me, the more he’d realize he couldn’t live without me. Thanks to his never ending quest to play sports 24 hours a day, he started having major hip and groin problems that required the attention of an orthopedic surgeon. I found the doctor, made the appointment, took him to the appointment, filled out his paperwork . . . you get the picture. I spent house giving him back rubs and leg rubs in an attempt to ease the muscle cramps and pain. He’d fall asleep on the couch while I rubbed away and I’d just sit there for hours while he slept, wondering why I was doing what I was doing. Wondering why he didn’t tell me he loved me and let us move on in our relationship already. Wondering why I didn’t just run away as fast as I could. He’d be snoring away and I’d be crying. Eventually he’d wake up and tell me I should go home because he needed to be rested for his hard job working at his family’s fast food restaurant the next day. He was the drive-thru operator. Hard job, right?

Richard had no tact and what appeared to be no awareness of hurting me. I’d hear about other girls, other dates, other plans. He’d talk about needing a date to a certain activity and then not ask me to go. I’d get so mad and I’d yell at him for it and then he’d respond with his usual “Kate, we’re not together. You can’t get your feelings hurt over stuff like this. I’ve never lied to you. I’ve never led you to believe we’re something we’re not. You’re my bud and I love you but I’m not a girlfriend kind of guy right now.” Right now. My brain would hear that and think “maybe someday though, right? Well I want to be here when someday happens.” And I’d have to back down because technically he was right. He was being honest with me in that respect.

My friends were so mad at me during this period of time, and they had every right to be. They saw how awful Richard was to me and they hated him for it. They tried everything they could think of to convince me to get away from him. Even at the time, I knew. I knew he was bad for me, I knew I needed to get away, but I wasn’t ready. So I told them that. I always listened to what they had to say and I tried hard never to get angry or offended with them for sharing their opinions. I knew they were protective of me and just wanted me to be happy. My heart just wasn’t ready to let go. I eventually had to attempt not to talk about him anymore because it would cause such a ruckus among my girls. So, by my own doing, I was alone in my hurt, unable to express to almost anyone what I was feeling.

I continued to get a phone call from Richard every night before he went to bed. It was our tradition. Even if we hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks, we talked every single day. I think those phone calls were what kept me in love with him. Late at night, with no one else around, he was the sweet guy I had met almost a year before. The guy I wanted to be with. But it only lasted during those conversations. In the daylight, he was a person I knew well, but didn’t understand and certainly didn’t want to spend my life with. I wanted to find a way for him to be that late night guy all the time. So far I was failing miserably.

I’d get the guts to tell myself I didn’t want to see him ever again. I’d ignore his phone calls for a few days. I’d sit in my office listening to songs with titles like “Letting Go” or “Moving On” and cry and cry, knowing it was never going to work. I’d renew my efforts to find a new boyfriend. It was like he could sense it because that’s when he’d “attack.” He’d show up at my door (something that NEVER happened) or plan the rare, actual DATE, and hug me tight and tell me how much he missed me and I’d melt into his arms and all my resolve to never see him again would disappear.

I was a glutton for punishment. I knew it . . . and I didn’t care.

April 18th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

I find myself working from home today, which is great. At the same time I find myself fighting the nasty cold that has been going around my office, which is not so great. There is joy in working in pajamas (Cute ones! With popcorn pants and a top that says “Hot & Fresh!”) yet not as much joy working in pajamas whilst blowing your nose and coughing.

I don’t want to take a sick day because I have SO much to try to accomplish. I’m being given some amazing opportunities at work IF I step up to the challenge and get a little more organized. Part of my new responsibilities? Might just include blogging. Granted it’s not the cool kind of blogging where I write what’s going on in my life and make a bazillion dollars and stay home all day. But YAY! Blogging for work! Something I’m good at that NO ONE else at my office seems to be able to do! So I’ve spent the last few days researching corporate blogging. And putting together a Blog Plan. It’s pretty cool. And it was my idea. So it’s my new work baby.

To go along with it I have to put together a bunch of other plans . . . and you might have gathered that unless it’s for a party or trip type event, myself and organized planning don’t always go together. So it’s a challenge, but I think I’m up to it. And it could lead me to very cool places. So I must focus. (”Focus?” My brain says. What the hell is that?)

I guess it’s good to have work craziness to focus on, because then I won’t be so sad that my bestest buddy Rhonda is moving away from me. She was integral in getting me DOWN to Arizona and now she’s leaving. I am sad. She is my chick-flick, pedicure, doing all things girly buddy. I mean Matt is great and all, but it’s going to be hard to convince him to see a movie like Enchanted on opening night.

You know who else is moving? My other bestest friend Brillig. Granted she lives far away from me now, away in Utah land, but at least she lived where I have family and many excuses to visit all the time. Now she will live in Denver and it will be harder to see her. That is sad too.

Lots of changes right now. Sigh. I hates changes. But YAY for corporate blogging spearheaded by ME! And yay for new and exciting possible promotion opportunities! And YAY for Friday!

April 16th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

He has been moved to another section of the company.  I didn’t even have time to GO to HR to suggest it.  It just . . . HAPPENED.

[Insert Twilight Zone theme music here]

April 15th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Dear Super Engineer and Cubemate,

When they first announced you were moving to my little pod of cubes, I was excited to get to know you. You seemed like the world’s nicest guy. I thought maybe sitting near someone as obviously brilliant as you are might rub off on my blondeness. I thought we could be friends and you’d feel less awkward around the office. heard rumors of how difficult it is to sit near you but I thought people were just being rude and not trying to get to know you. I thought I just needed to give you a try and be nice to you and all would be well in the world.

So far . . . it’s not going so well.

Your non-stop comments about my approach to sales calls WHILE I AM ON SAID SALES CALLS is about to drive me to drink. I know what I’m doing. I’m good at my job. I’m SUPPOSED to get clients interested in our product, not scare them away with technical mumbo-jumbo. Also? THEY CAN HEAR YOU. They keep asking me “what was that?” after you’ve made some smarta** remark. You need to stop right now before I’m forced to jump over the cube and punch you in the neck. You sit in the Sales & Marketing Department. We talk to clients. You develop software for clients. CLIENTS PAYS DA BILLS. Capiche?

Another thing . . . the whole mumbling to yourself all day thing is a little disconcerting. It’s just loud enough that all of us around you think you’re talking to us. Then you get offended when we interrupt your train of thought. There’s a reason people refer to an INNER monologue. It’s to be kept INSIDE.

And last but not BY ANY MEANS least, the belching and farting have GOT.TO.STOP. I spend half my day dry heaving as you (loudly and aggressively) let your bodily functions get away from you. I don’t care if you have a medical condition or if it’s just from those damn energy drinks and 64 oz jugs of Diet Coke you drink. It’s not normal. It’s also not normal to not at least ATTEMPT to stifle the noises or at the VERY least, say excuse me. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but there are OTHER PEOPLE ON THE PLANET. Specifically, people like me who are forced to sit near you eight hours a day.

Already today I’ve counted eight loud belches and two farts. IN LESS THAN AN HOUR. It’s all I can do not to vomit, yell at you or open a vein and end it for myself already. However, I hate vomiting, I’d like to live, and yelling at you would be a mistake since, during the last four years, I’ve seen two people fired for yelling at you. It seems you belched some sort of magical powers onto the upper management of the company or something because you’re untouchable. Either that or no one wants to come near the stench.

And you just burped again. SERIOUSLY???? This has got to stop. Or one of us has GOT to move. Or get a new job.

Sincerely,

The girl trying not to upchuck and/or kill you from the cube next door

April 12th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Hi peeps!! I am so sorry that this is a week late! I really suck. I haven’t heard from Brillig today so we can connect on who is hosting this week, so I’m just going to pretend I am and post this and we’ll see how it plays out. I STILL can’t get my Mr. Linky working, so if you are playing along leave a comment and I’ll attempt to hyperlink to you tomorrow. IF you were supposed to host, leave me a comment or send me an email and I promise I’ll give you a shout-out! I you want to host sometime, by all means we’d love it. Again, just leave me a comment or send me and email and we’ll getcha all hooked up!

Don’t know what the heck Soap Opera Sunday is? Well, problem solved, you can find the rules here.

This saga is TOTALLY out of control as far as length goes, so if you need to catch up, you can check out my Soap Opera Sunday category there in my sidebar and have a hey-day. Hope you have about fifteen hours.

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I spent every possible moment of the next few weeks with Matt. He invited me on a family reunion trip to a small town in Idaho where I met every single member of his extended family. They all thought we should get married and kept asking me if Matt had asked me to move to San Francisco with him yet. The answer was always no.

I honestly kept waiting for him to ask. We had SUCH an amazing time together and had never really even had a falling out of any kind. My family loved him, his family loved me. Who needed kissing right?

Well the day finally came and Matt moved away from me. We talked a few times after he moved, talking about me flying out to see him a few months later. Then one day, I called him and my phone call was never returned. He just . . . disappeared. I had no idea what had happened or why until about a year later when I found out HE HAD MARRIED PSYCHO GIRL. You know, the one that was eight feet taller than him and used to beat him up. I found out from our mutual friend Kyle. When he told me I admitted how shocked I was and also mentioned that after we had dated for so long, it was weird that he just disappeared. Kyle’s response to me was like a punch in the gut, even that much time later. “Oh come on Kate. You guys never dated. You were just friends and everyone knew it. Matt never talked about you as his girlfriend and you never were. I think for him [psycho girl’s name here] was always the one.”

Ummmm, ok. I hear they are still happily married and have a beautiful baby girl. More power to ‘em, right? I’ll always think back fondly on Matt. Fondly with a hint (or giant dose) of confusion.

Back to when Matt stopped calling . . . I had to pick up the pieces of my heart and move on, once again. I was SO hesitant to run back to Richard, so instead of going back to him all the way, I decided to mix it up and hang out with Richard and about ten other guys that summer. I did that, but somehow still, it was always Richard pulling me toward him like a magnet. If I had the option of one guy or Richard, it was always, always Richard. His behavior, naturally, hadn’t changed. I stepped back into the pool slowly and hesitantly, but I had every intention of going swimming. Somewhere inside, I just hoped he’d realize I was the best he would ever have.

There was so much random drama that summer. I found out Richard was abusing Oxycontin and that THE EX, who’s name we shall no longer speak, we’ll just call her THE EX, also found out and took it upon herself to tell his parents. Who he still lived with. She was apparently dating someone else but still felt it her job to be in charge of Richard’s well being. This naturally pissed me off. Maybe I was mad that I wasn’t the one to intervene on his behalf and have his parents help him out . . . maybe I was just mad that the girl who I unreasonably hated with all my soul was still a part of his life. Who knows. I tried to be different than her, and go about “helping him quit” in the kinder, gentler, idiot fashion. I was the supportive one and THE EX could be the b****, right?!

As the summer wore on, I got rid of all the guys I was dating except Richard and we were back in the same stupid cycle. I would wait and wait and wait to hang out with him and then every once in a while, he would call and we’d make plans - plans that involved myself driving to his house, 45 minutes away and then spending the evening sitting with him on his couch while he watched Sports Center. For some reason I seemed to think that every moment spent with him was the best moment of my life. Of course, I was still miserable.

Toward the very end of that summer a girlfriend of mine set me up with her fiance’s roommate. His name was Tyler. He was, quite possibly, the kindest, sweetest man I’d ever met in my life. We went on several dates and started seeing each other every day . . . that is, every day I wasn’t with Richard. He was literally Richard’s polar opposite. Extremely tall, light coloring, soft spoken, kind, successful . . . you name a good quality (and naturally any quality opposite of Richard) and this guy had it. We had a ton of fun together, but there was a problem. I wasn’t that attracted to him. The first time we kissed was almost magical, but then after that, it just wasn’t . . . right. I wanted SO BADLY to like this guy who treated me well, actually WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH ME and had like, a life goal and aspirations and made real money and stuff. Every moment spent with him my brain was in a fist fight with my heart in an attempt to get my heart on board. My brain was losing badly.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was doing to Tyler exactly what Richard had always done to me. Always looking for something else. I knew how he felt about me but I played stupid and convinced myself we weren’t exclusive and kept dating Richard. Tyler and I would be out on a date and I’d get a call from Richard. I’d run to the bathroom to take it and we’d make plans for me to get home ASAP so we could meet up. Tyler would drop me off at home and Richard would be parked down the street waiting to see us pull up and Tyler pull away. Of course when I was out with someone else he’d make an effort to see me.

Then, my plate became even more full when a new hot guy started working for the company I had just left. The secretary set us up thinking we’d be perfect for each other. This guy was very cute, very funny and VERY recently divorced. We went out (and made out a few times). He was by no means perfect for me, but of course, I was more attracted to him than I was Tyler. BECAUSE MY BRAIN HAD SOMEHOW WORKED ITSELF OUT OF MY HEAD AND PLANTED ITSELF FIRMLY IN MY BUTT.

And then there were three.

At that point my girlfriend had enough of the way I was treating Tyler and told him I was going out on dates with other people. For the record, I don’t blame her. He was a great guy. Way too great for the person I was back then. Did I like being tattled on? Nope. Did I deserve it? Yep.

I got a call one very rainy, stormy night and Tyler’s voice was on the other line, very hurt and somewhat angry. “I heard that you were out on a date last night. Are you dating other people?” I paused for a long time and finally said “Yes, of course I am. We’ve only been dating for a few weeks and I had no idea you considered us exclusive.” Silence. “I’m so sorry Tyler. I didn’t realize it was something I needed to communicate to you and I’m so so sorry you had to find out from other people. I would like to continue seeing you, but I understand if you don’t want to see me.” Silence, then finally “I’ll think about it and call you later.” Tyler never called me again. I hear he’s very happily married and naturally, living near a beach making a bazillion dollars.

And then there were two.

The hot divorced guy I was making out with decided it was too soon after his divorce to date and ended “things” with me.

And then there was one. Always one. Always Richard.