The Incredible Blossoming Bosom
March 20th, 2008 by Kateastrophe
Men, look away. This post is not for you. GO. Save yourselves.
Girls, we need to talk. My boobs are growing at an alarming rate. I’ve gone up THREE cup sizes in less than a year. Every time I go to buy a bra because the other one is oh my gosh driving me so crazy I want to light it on fire the nice lady at the bra store tells me “well of course it’s uncomfortable, hon! You’re wearing a full size to small.” This has happened THREE TIMES. NO, I’m not pregnant. I swear. I have irrefutable proof.
I have the birth control that rhymes with “spaz” to thank/blame for this. I love the stuff but this side effect, while nice at the beginning, is getting a little out of hand. One more growth spurt and I’m going to have to shop at the “big lady” stores. Either that or find out where the strippers shop. Meow.
My husband isn’t complaining but my clothes are. Oh yes they are. Everything is SO tight! And see I’m losing weight everywhere else but having to buy bigger shirts . . . that are then baggy around my waist. It is so stupid! Also, today I tried on my temple/wedding dress to make sure it still fit and I RIPPED IT. People, my huge knockers RIPPED MY WEDDING DRESS. Before anyone goes into extreme panic, never fear, I have two wedding dresses. One I wore inside the temple for the actual wedding and the other for the fun reception stuff. The other, gorgeous dress is safely preserved in a window box so I can gaze at it adoringly. The one I wore in the temple isn’t as fancy but is very special to me. Also, I was SUPPOSED to be able to wear it whenever I go to the temple . . . so I could like, wear my wedding dress many times. Get it? WELL I get it no more because it’s RIPPED. In two places, where my ta-tas are. It fits everywhere else, just not THERE. And I have to go to the temple on Saturday and I doubt the temple is going to dig me showing up with peek holes in my dress. Start.panicking.now.
Do you think they’ll pop if I take a pin to them? No? Damn. It was worth a shot.
- Posted in Whaaaa?, Malnutrition and Jazzercise
March 20th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Kate, I don’t think I’ve giggled that hard in a long time. I’m trying desparately to think of a pun involving “well-endowed” and “endowments” but nothing’s coming to mind.
March 20th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Welcome to the club girlfriend!! Let’s see if we can find shirts that actually fit big busted ladies that aren’t baggy around the waist. So far in my last 15 years of big bustiness I haven’t had any luck with this- but maybe you can help with this!
March 20th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
My boobs definitely got bigger over time with the pill too and now they’ve pretty much stayed put. I don’t think there’s a whole lot you can really do except buy some new clothes, that’s pretty much what I’ve come to do as well.
March 20th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Wow, my little pancake chested self really needs to get on that birth control train! I’m sorry your dress ripped though, hopefully it can be mended!
March 20th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
welcome to my world…I have always told people that having big knockers is NOT as cool as it might first appear…although the gnome doesn’t mind..hee hee.
hang in there…all joking aside…maybe it is something you should mention to your doc??? just incase???
March 20th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Maybe you could just send that growth over this way? Cuz I could use a bit of it… Just the boobage, though, nothing else needs to grow at the moment
March 20th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
haha this post made me laugh
but when i was on the pill (i stopped taking it recently), mine did the same thing. i’ve been working on getting them down a little, but when i tried on my wedding dress again, i found that i can’t wear it and lose them. ahh… they are so confrused.
March 21st, 2008 at 12:50 am
Ooooooh, THAT’S what I need to take to get bigger boobs. Ha! And all this time I thought it was hopeless. I really, really want to feel sympathy for you…but….nope, nothing. Listen to yourself! “I’m losing weight everywhere else, but my boobs are growing”. You might as well be saying, “I’m turning into an even bigger minx and I just hate it! I’m a curvy dish and my husband can’t keep his hands off me. *Sigh*, my ample cleavage is just so enticing and beautiful. I mean, what is a girl to do?”
I hate you. I love you, but I hate you. And I’m calling my Dr. first thing in the morning! Tout Suite!!
March 21st, 2008 at 7:35 am
how come they keep on growing? because of the anticonception??
this post would fit very well next week when the Belgian female bloggers will do a “womans blog week” only talking about feminine stuff. Interested? send me an e-mail.
March 21st, 2008 at 10:33 am
I dont’ know if you remember, but a long time ago I wrote about mine had seemed to multiply overnight and I looked like I could serve breakfast off my chest. NOT fun.
I think if it’s really bothering you, it might be worth looking into another BC pill. I use the one that rhymes with “Jasmine” and they are just right.
Also, you are totally going to get some weird Google searches now!
March 21st, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I love that you said Damn and headed to the temple in the same post. HAHAHAHHA!
March 21st, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Sigh. I was promised larger breasts when I went on the pill. 6 years ago. Alas, I didn’t even get a swell, much less a couple of extra cup sizes. My mother just told me to marry a “butt man” and it wouldn’t be a problem. Mom’s are great like that.
Good luck with your expanding bosom. I think you might mention it to the doc, because three cup sizes? This is a bit much to expect from the pill, even one that does crazy things to your hormones like spaz.
March 21st, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I quite agree with Jewels about you being an even sexier minx