March 13th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Uhhh so when did someone decide Easter would be in March? And that daylight savings would be too? (Not that I care about daylight savings because we here in Arizona are rebels and REFUSE to change our clocks.) If I remember correctly, in most states, spring hasn’t really . . . sprung until April-ish. And from what I’ve heard about this particular horrific winter, the snow isn’t going anywhere and those of you who ski will continue to do so into, well, how about JULY?

I realize I have nothing to complain about. Easter here will be just like every other day has been lately. Balmy and 75. (Wipe the jealousy off your faces. Trust you me, you won’t be jealous anymore when I’m literally on fire in July.) It just seems unfair to make all the little kiddies search for eggs in their stay-puff marshmallow man outfits. Also, I’m going to guess that picking up an egg with gloves on is going to cause many a broken eggshell. I guess hiding the eggs won’t be too hard. Just forget dying them and throw them out in the snow. Nobody will see them EVER! On the bright side, the chocolate won’t melt. You’ll just have to thaw it out.

I think I’m bitter that Easter is coming because of my new, nazi-esque diet. I can’t have my beloved Cadburry Mini Eggs. I can’t eat box after box of Peeps. I’m dreaming of Startburst Jelly Beans and I can’t have them. It’s the best candy season of the year and the only dessert I’m getting is cheesecake made with fat free cottage cheese. It’s better than no dessert, yet so NOT better than a green Starburst jelly bean. Or an entire bag of them.

Now excuse me while I go force myself to eat yet another nutrition bar. Peanut Butter Fudge my butt. Tastes like chalk.