March 30th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Ok I really did it but the posts for Hannah and Ad broke my blog because the picture file sizes were gigongous.  WHOOPS!

So um, it’s going to take me some time to fix and repost the pictures but I swear I’ll do it!  I SWEAR!

March 29th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Well it appears that March 29th is a good day to be born, seeing how two of the most beautiful people I know were born on March 29th. Today is Adrienne’s (aka AD or 80) birthday too!!

I met Adrienne my senior year in college in an Advanced Jazz dance class. I knew immediately I wanted to wrap her up and take her home in my pocket. She was like a breath of fresh air to my final year as a Music Dance Theatre major. We arranged our schedules so we had all the fun classes together, and within about a month, we were basically inseperable at school and after, due to long strenuous homework projects. I was at their apartment so much, I think her husband Kyle thought he was never going to get rid of me.

Then Kyle and Adrienne set me up with one of their best friends (um, does the name Richard ring a bell?? Hahah). All of a suddenI was around even more. At first it was to be with Richard and then it was to seek their comfort when things with him fell apart. (For the record Ad, you don’t need to feel bad about that whole thing. It was meant to be . . . and now we have another person to mock endlessly. The list is growing daily!) I recall distinctly the day Adrienne told me she was going to “cut all the fat off the steak in her freezer and force feed it to me to put some meat back on my bones.” She took good care of me.

Adrienne has got to be the most hilariously irreverent (I mean that in a good way, AD!) people I’ve ever met. We spent our senior year smacking each other in the boobs, cracking dirty jokes and, if I recall correctly, snorting a lot of Diet Coke out of our noses with laughter. She also taught me the art of the cornhole, something my husband hates both her and me for.

Despite the hilarious irreverence, she is one of the strongest, most faithful, amazing women I know.

When we decided to do our final big MDT project together at the end of our senior year, I don’t think we had any idea how much fun (and stress!) we would be having. When we got all of the pictures you’re seeing developed, we laughed so hard we actually collapsed on the floor at Wal-mart. Every time we watch the video we laugh until we cry and rewind the mistakes and funny parts again and again, then watch them in slow motion. (If I had it in me I’d post an exerpt from the show here, but I’m not sure I could figure it out before I have to be to church in 8 hours.) You’ll just have to settle for the pictures.

AD was there for the biggest Kateastrophe of all time and narrowly missed being part of the wreckage. We still laugh about that until we cry too. To us, the story never gets old. To Kyle, I think it got old right after he saw it happen.

Almost exactly a year ago, I was able to host Kyle and Adrienne at my home while they finalized the adoption of their son. I cannot tell you what it means to me to have been able to play just a little part in the miracle of his life joining with theirs.

We don’t speak or see each other as often as we wish now that her husband is a big shot hospital administrator in the Bay Area and I chose to live in Hell, but every time we talk it’s like no time whatsoever has gone by. I love her with all my heart and I’m so so so so grateful we ended up together in that early morning dance class from hell.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Miss America!!!

*Those are the words from a cheesy song Adrienne and I sang for our college senior project. Kyle mocked us endlessly for it.**

**Kyle mocks us a lot. We’re used to it. We mock him too. Behind his back. Or in front of his face. Either way works for us.

March 29th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

So um, like, today is, like, Hannah’s birthday ‘n stuff!!! So as is my tradition, Hannah gets an embarrassing photo montage birthday post! YAAAAYY!

For some reason I have more pictures of Hannah than I have of ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD. So watch out. It’s gonna be hilarious and disturbing. And Hannah dear? Trust me. This is going to be as painful for me as it is for you.

So where do I begin . . . well for sure with this picture!!

I’m a bug!

Hannah and I have known each other since we were about ten years old. We attended the same elementary school (where we were not friends. AT ALL.), the same junior high (where we were not friends, AT ALL) and then finally became friends in high school and finally grew to be like sisters during college and have remained that way happily ever after.

Hannah is by far one of the most beautiful, most hilarious people I’ve ever met. Hers hasn’t been an easy life and she’s accepted it and moved on with grace, humility and power. She has overcome more in her short lifetime than most even dream of facing. We’ve been there for each other through almost every important life milestone. I’ve turned to Hannah in my darkest hours and she has also turned to me in hers. Sometimes she’d miraculously show up in the moment I needed her most, just sensing that I needed someone to talk to. She’s lectured me and been disappointed in me when I’m making bad decisions but loved me anyway. She’s helped me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry and been such an amazing friend.

We had a rough go for a few years and it nearly tore us apart. Stupid petty differences and lack of vision clouded our views and we almost called it a day. Yet something pulled us back together and for that I am eternally grateful. I think almost losing each other caused us to form a bond stronger than either of us imagined might form.

Um, remember that one time I almost pushed you off this sailboat over a boy?

I’ve learned so much from Hannah.

I’ve learned to not take myself so seriously and that there is always something to laugh at.

We taught each other how not to dress for success.

Who do you think had more to learn? *hanging head in shame*

She taught me to recognize a fashion forward hairstyle when I saw it.

Duck tails are cool, no?

She showed me how to be all “Vogue.”

ha cha cha!

Nothing says “hott” like Mickey Mouse ears and some peyos.

She taught me strength in motherhood.

She taught me how to wrestle and not give up (and eventually helped me find her wrestling Achilles heel, which you should all note is simply taking off her socks because he hates the feeling of her bare feet on carpet. Hahaha)

We have shared more than one home, more than one love interest, more than a thousand pairs of shoes and outfits and even a wedding dress, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

However, I hate you just a little for being so stinkin’ gorgeous. OK, maybe I hate you a lot for that.

Also, I hope it’s OK that I’m posting this

And don’t kill me for this one

Or this one

And just know if I HAD the picture of you in the cape with the red striped underwear OVER your jeans, holding that GIANT squash, in front of our fake “waterfall” at The Colony, I’d totally post it too. Because I’m cool like that.

Hannah, I don’t know what my world would be like without you. Thank you for the joy, laughter and love you have brought into my life.

Thank you for always being you and sharing your life with me. I love you more than words could ever express and I hope you have the most amazing birthday and I expect to be celebrating about eighty more with you, kthanxbai.

Um, just for the record, we don’t surf. Hahaha.

March 28th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Wow holy crap was I in a bad mood yesterday. I didn’t even realize I was until all of a sudden I just . . . was.

I’ve done a lot of analysis of my “Crazy” (trust me there’s a lot to analyze) but I’ve rarely done analysis of my “Beotch.” And woah, maybe I should.

Let’s see . . I’m not PMSing, I didn’t have a bad day at work, it was beautiful and 85 degrees on the drive home. Maybe it was Costco? I had to go after work because we were completely out of food. What might have started it was watching this old lady hover around the beef and bean burrito sample table. As soon as the sample lady would set three or four out, she’d swoop in and take all three or four, run off around the corner, eat them, and then head back for more. EVEN THOUGH OTHER PEOPLE WERE WAITING. Other people that included a little boy! I totally wanted to punch her in the throat. Well, not really anything that violent, but you get my point. I hate the sample tables at Costco. They cause more traffic jams and annoyance on my part than almost anything else. I absolutely refuse to take part in the samples. It’s a rule I’ve set up. If I’m going to be annoyed by the sample hoverers, I’m not ever going to be one of them. Ok woah holy tangent. What I was getting at is that I think my bad mood started at Costco. Memo to me, don’t go right after work.

I got home and was unpacking the groceries and I was just pissy! Matt was being great and helping me but all of a sudden I was annoyed. He wanted to rearrange the freezer to make room for the frozen stuff. I just wanted to put the crap away and be done with it. Then my “B” got even more fun. We had a quick dinner and Matt settled in to watch the NCAA Tournament. I got annoyed. I got up, did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen and got more and more annoyed that he wasn’t helping me. I should mention that he helps ALL THE TIME. He almost always does the dishes and cleans up and all that stuff, so why on EARTH I think I have ANY right to be annoyed when he takes a break for one night is beYOND me. I didn’t even make dinner. I brought home one of those cooked chickens! It’s not like I had done any hard work and was exhausted from all the cooking!

After I cleaned I messed around on the computer for a while and then got ready to head to the gym. Matt was still laying on the couch. I was more annoyed. And I wanted PUDDING (which I had forgotten to get at Costco. Dammit). Gym first. I worked my can off at the gym and then headed to Old Navy (near where I was going to get PUDDING) to see if I could find any workout clothes. They used to have these great baggy-ish yoga pants and I wanted more. Naturally, they didn’t have them. Just super tight ugly ones. Now I was pissed at Old Navy, so I headed to TJ Maxx. It was the end of the day for them and the place was a DISASTER and so I got pissed at them and left with just a bra. No pants. Now for PUDDING.

Then I did the dumbest thing I’ve done in a long time. I went to Wal-Mart. When I was in a bad mood. Dude, Even at nine-thirty at night that place is a frickin’ zoo! I hate it! But remember the PUDDING? Yeah I needed sugar free pudding. Don’t even worry I bought like eight cases of it. Did you know they have chocolate mint?? Holy crap did THAT get me all excited. But it was still Wal-mart. And there were still little kids running around in diapers screaming and people leaving their carts in the middle of the aisles while they wandered up and down, making it virtually impossible for anyone to get anywhere. I waited patiently in the freezer section trying to get at some peas and this lady just STOOD THERE. Looking up and down the aisle, her cart right in front of the peas. I waited for like five minutes and finally decided PEAS AREN’T WORTH THE AGITATION and I left to go find PUDDING.

I finally got out of Wal-mart alive and headed home to eat PUDDING. I walked in the door and Matt came downstairs to help me put away the second set of groceries for the day. (Side note – has anyone else noticed it’s virtually impossible to go to Target or Walmart without spending at least $40? Seriously!!) He looked at all the PUDDING then looked at me and said “Woah there pudding monster. Is this stuff good for you? Can you have it on your diet?”

Que the “B” turning into “The Crazy” and attacking my husband’s jugular. I. WAS. PISSED. For reals this time.

I started yelling and crying about how he’s not allowed to tell me what I can or can’t eat and how I’m working my a** off on this diet and he eats like crap and it’s sugar free low calorie pudding and it IS on the diet and I deserve it because I was at the gym sweating my guts and out and where was he oh yeah sitting on the couch and, and, and . . . yeah it was bad. Really bad. I finished my yell fest, blew my runny nose and wiped my eyes, slammed his FAT FILLED RANCH DRESSING down in front of him, told him to put it away, grabbed my PUDDING and a spoon and huffed over to the couch where I proceeded to watch HGTV for the next hour. Then I went to bed. Matt hid upstairs until I was pretty much out. Smart man.

Today, the “B” is gone. I’m in a much better mood AND my skinny jeans, though still sort of tight, are fitting better than they have for a long time, so I decided to wear them. Despite the “B” being gone . . . I have this eerie feeling she might be back sooner than I think. Now I just have to think of a plan to beat her up before she turns into “The Crazy.”

March 27th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Viv was my 1995 Honda Civic LX. Her’s is a funny story. I bought her on September 10^th, 1999 (Julia’s birthday!). She arrived as a trade-in at the Dodge/Jeep Dealership I was working at and it was love at first sight. I had to have her. She was a replacement to my piece of crap Jetta, The Toaster. Viv only had 40,000 miles on her. Practically brand new!! I drove her and loved her through college and after. She didn’t have a name until after I read “The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood” and naming her Viv, after the main character, just seemed right. She was my baby until, in 2004, I decided it might be time for a new ride. I worked two jobs at the time and one of them afforded me the luxury of getting the dealership cost of a number of cars, so I decided to buy a new Toyota Corolla.

Selling Viv was going to be traumatic for me, but I was prepared. Then, my knight in shining armor arrived, and my future husband Matt (who I was dating at the time) needed a commuter car for his 45 mile drive to work every day. He bought Viv from me and drove her down to Phoenix. I knew she was going to a good home and could still, by proxy, be my baby.

Cut to a year later. Matt and I got engaged and Viv is welcomed back into my family!! Granted I wasn’t driving her but I could gaze at her lovingly each day. As time went by, Matt changed jobs and didn’t have a long commute anymore. His preferred mode of transportation has always been his manly Jeep Wrangler Sport, and without a long drive, Viv was neglected. She sat in our garage barely getting driven and sporting a dead battery. She sat there through a lot. We moved twice in three years, boiled her to death in the garage and repaired her even though we weren’t using here. There was a close call where a neighbor was going to buy her from us, but that fell through and she made the trip to our brand new house, but still sat, unused. We got notes on her all the time asking if we were interested in selling, but I just couldn’t bring myself to let it be done.

Recently a co-worker of mine mentioned that he has a 100 mile commute every day, and with gas prices, it’s costing him a fortune to drive his truck to work. He asked if anyone knew of a cheap, decent commuter car for sale. I reluctantly raised my hand and mentioned that Viv might be for sale. Within two weeks the deal was done. She was sold and going away.

Yesterday I drove Viv for the last time and handed her off to her new owner. She’s been mine for roughly 104,000 miles, countless road trips, probably a thousand boyfriends, amazing times with my girlfriends (I’m recalling one particular adventure when I had paid $100 to have her detailed and these nasty girls driving next to us threw a 44 oz Dr Pepper THROUGH the window! There was a high speed chase that ensued and I believe a retaliation involving a plastic bottle and a dent in their car. Hahah!!) two new cars, a big move, a marriage . . . she’s really been there for most of the important milestones in my life. It was sad to hand over the keys and title yesterday. I am going to miss her. Maybe her new owner will let me visit. Good luck and good travels, Viv! Go forth knowing that, at least by me, you were loved!! Hahaha.

This is not actually Viv, just one of her sisters. She looked like this, just darker! And prettier.

March 25th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Saturday was an amazing day. Maybe the most amazing day, with the exception of the day I married Matt. Saturday I was sealed for time and all eternity in the Temple of the Lord to my mom, sister and my dad-and-a-half. It’s hard to describe the feeling as I knelt across the alter from my sister Meagan, with Mom in my left and Lucas (Meagan’s husband) on my right, acting as proxy for Mike. It’s hard to describe the joy I felt as the sealer proclaimed us a family forever.

There was a touch of sadness because my brothers weren’t there, but that’s OK. They have found happiness and joy, and I’m proud of everything they’ve overcome in their lives and the men they’ve become. Even though they’re not technically “sealed” to the rest of us, I know that they’ll be with us for eternity no matter what.

My dearest friend Sheila and her mom Janet, who happens to be my mom’s dearest friend as well, were able to be there with us and that was amazing as well. They have been such a big part of our family for as long as I’ve been alive (and before, I’m sure) and we love them dearly.

I wish there were more to say and describe to you about what happened, but that really sums it up. We’re glued. It’s amazing.

March 22nd, 2008 by Kateastrophe

 

I’m writing this early this week so I don’t let you guys down yet again.  I don’t yet know who’s hosting this week and will only have a couple of seconds to publish from California, so if you want more soapy tales, I’d suggest checking out Brillig’s site for more information.  I’m on like, episode 7,454 of this saga, so if you want to catch up, hit up my Soap Opera Sunday category button over in my sidebar and you should find all the fun you need.

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After the trip to San Francisco, everything with Matt was fantastic, even though we still weren’t kissing regularly.  For the next month and a half we saw each other every single day, went on amazing, romantic dates and made plans for fun trips together.  He was such a great guy and so much fun to be around.  The lack of kissing didn’t really bother me because he was so affectionate and wonderful.  We did things I swear you only see in movies.  We went to carnivals and held hands on the Ferris Wheel, eating cotton candy and laughing our heads off.  We spent hours talking about religion, politics and every other interesting topic we could come up with.  We would be driving somewhere and get a wild hair to pull off and roll down a grass hill . . . it was truly an amazing summer we shared.

Right about the time I was thinking Matt might be around for a very long time, the world sort of crashed in around me.

One night, very late, after I returned from a date with Matt, I got a phone call from Richard.  This wasn’t unusual, we still spoke every once in a while, but this call was SO very different.  It sounded like he was in a car with a large group of guys, and he was very obviously drunk.  He said hello and asked what I was up to and how I was doing, blah blah blah. He was kind of rambling and then I hear from the background “Dude, just TELL HER.  You’re driving us crazy talking about how much you miss her SO JUST SAY IT.” That was followed by loud bellows of agreement.  Then I heard Richard say, away from the phone “She doesn’t want me back.  I screwed it up.  I’m not going to ruin her life again even if I am in love with her.”

And.then.his.phone.dropped.the.call.

And then I started silently bawling. 

The words I’d been dying to hear since the day I met him had just been said.  Richard, I had learned, was one of those “honest” drunks, who’d say what he really meant while under the influence.  And he’d just said he was in love with me.  And I had finally moved on.

Less than ten minutes later he called back.  It sounded like he’d been dropped off because the background was quiet.  He asked me if I’d heard what he said.  When I said I had we started talking about it.  He told me how much he missed me and how stupid he had been to choose Tiffany over me and how awful the past few months had been.  For the first time ever, I was very harsh with him.  I told him how unfair it was to call me now that I was dating someone seriously and how hurt I’d been by the whole situation.  He just kept apologizing over and over again.  Then I asked him the question even his drunk self couldn’t answer.  I asked him what he wanted from me . . . and he said he didn’t know.

Then I did what I never in a million years thought I would do.  I told Richard he was too late and that I didn’t want him anymore.  I told him we could be friends, but that was it.  Then I told him good-bye and I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning knowing I had made the right choice and that Matt was the guy I was supposed to be with.  I was confident that, even if we didn’t work out, he was better for me than Richard.  I got a phone call from him around 10:00 that morning.  I answered, so excited to talk to him and plan our day.  His voice sounded funny so I asked him what was wrong. 

“I made a decision this morning.  You’re probably not going to like it very much.  I decided that I’m moving back to San Francisco in three weeks.”

Then I started silently bawling.

March 21st, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Um, I keep trying to write something interesting and witty but it seems my brain has left the building. So I’ll give you boring and lame instead, k?

Today I fly to California to be sealed in the temple to my Mom, sister and Dad-and-a-half. I’m very excited. I’ve worked out the trauma with the ripped temple dress and have all elebenteen outfits packed and ready to go. It’s sad that I have to check a back for a 48 hour trip, but what can you do, right? A girl needs a hundred outfits to choose from. And shoes to match.

In other news, I’m having a fantastic hair day, thanks to my nifty $2.50 Velcro rollers. I forgot how wonderous those things are. Ten pounds of hair sitting flat on your head? Not to worry! Velcro is here. Poof! Body! Well, at least for an hour or so. Now I wish I were going to see someone today who cared about my great hair day.

Rather than do something exciting at work (hahahahah), I have a three hour meeting in a room with twelve stinky boys. And when I say stinky, I mean stinky. The burper/farter from the cube next to mine will be in attendance as well as 11 of his other equally socially awkward cohorts. They’re smart, great guys but seriously. Showers? Personal hygiene? COMMON COURTESY? Last week in the first version of this meeting, the burper belched SUPER loud and no one did anything about it. What the crap?? My participation in this meeting basically includes calming everyone down as they fight about what it is our company actually does and breathing through my mouth so the stench doesn’t infect me. Oh and figuring out how to market what we have. Again, hahahahahaha. I tell you what, it’s going to be a par-tay.

On that note, I leave you with the happy news that TOMORROW I GET TO EAT PEEPS AND STARBURST JELLY BEANS!!!!!!!! I’m not excited at all.

March 20th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Men, look away.  This post is not for you.  GO.  Save yourselves.

Girls, we need to talk.  My boobs are growing at an alarming rate.  I’ve gone up THREE cup sizes in less than a year.  Every time I go to buy a bra because the other one is oh my gosh driving me so crazy I want to light it on fire the nice lady at the bra store tells me “well of course it’s uncomfortable, hon!  You’re wearing a full size to small.”  This has happened THREE TIMES.  NO, I’m not pregnant.  I swear.  I have irrefutable proof.

I have the birth control that rhymes with “spaz” to thank/blame for this.  I love the stuff but this side effect, while nice at the beginning, is getting a little out of hand.  One more growth spurt and I’m going to have to shop at the “big lady” stores.  Either that or find out where the strippers shop.  Meow.

My husband isn’t complaining but my clothes are.  Oh yes they are.  Everything is SO tight! And see I’m losing weight everywhere else but having to buy bigger shirts . . . that are then baggy around my waist.  It is so stupid!  Also, today I tried on my temple/wedding dress to make sure it still fit and I RIPPED IT.   People, my huge knockers RIPPED MY WEDDING DRESS.  Before anyone goes into extreme panic, never fear, I have two wedding dresses.  One I wore inside the temple for the actual wedding and the other for the fun reception stuff.  The other, gorgeous dress is safely preserved in a window box so I can gaze at it adoringly.  The one I wore in the temple isn’t as fancy but is very special to me.  Also, I was SUPPOSED to be able to wear it whenever I go to the temple . . . so I could like, wear my wedding dress many times.  Get it?  WELL I get it no more because it’s RIPPED.  In two places, where my ta-tas are.  It fits everywhere else, just not THERE.  And I have to go to the temple on Saturday and I doubt the temple is going to dig me showing up with peek holes in my dress.  Start.panicking.now.

Do you think they’ll pop if I take a pin to them?  No?  Damn.  It was worth a shot.

March 18th, 2008 by Kateastrophe

Too much rear in the last post?  Yeah sorry about that.  It stems from a friend in college who used to say it all the time.  When he came out of the closet a year later many things made more sense.

Too much again?  Sorry ’bout that.

Last night was exciting and stressful.  Exciting because we bought a new couch!  Stressful because we bought a new couch and I didn’t find my usual amazingly cheap deal on it!  We’ve been looking for a sectional that we love ever since we moved into our house.  It had to be fashionable and comfortable and not cost $12,000 (like the most beautiful sectional I’ve ever seen).  I would have preferred that it cost a dollar, but I wasn’t winning that battle.  We found an amazingly comfortable, very large, very beautiful sectional.  We were able to pick the fabric (sadly, it’s called “Chunkster.”  Our couch already has it’s nickname. We are calling him “The Chunkster.”) and coordinating pillows.   I can’t complain that we had to pay the retail “sale”price because most of the furniture in my house has been practically (and/or literally)  free.  I suppose it’s OK to spend a bit of money on something as often used as your family room couch.  So that hard part is over.  The next hard part is waiting the 8-12 weeks for it to be delivered.  Now that it knows help is on the way, my empty living room is screaming for the old couches.  Also, I’d like to have it here before my girls come to visit for our annual Soiree the first weekend in June.

With the new couch comes the issue of paint. I’m not sure I can use the chocolate brown that I was thinking about on an accent wall because “The Chunkster” is chocolate brown . . . decisions, decisions.  This house has been so hard for me to decorate and I don’t know why!  I guess that’s what I get for almost doubling the square footage of the old pad and being the most indecisive individual alive.  Well the second most.  My husband wins the prize on that one for sure.

Then comes the issue of the other stuff that needs to be done in the house.  So, um,  if someone would like to donate a giant, gorgeous, decorative yet functional big screen entertainment center, it would be much appreciated.  Kthanks.  The one I want is also about $12,000.  I’m also looking for someone to donate a $12,000 backyard.  Mommy wants a water feature.

Sigh.  I guess I’ll settle for my functional Ikea entertainment center and a backyard covered in rocks.  ’s better than nothing, right?!