Dear Dumb**s, er . . . Realtor, Take Two
August 21st, 2007 by Kateastrophe
Dear Dumb**s, er . . . Realtor,
Remember the letter I wrote you just yesterday? Well, not YOU in particular. That letter was to all the Realtors out there. This letter though? This one is just for you.
Less than 24 hours after I hit “publish” on my new set of Realtor Rules, you broke Rules #3, #4 and #5.
Had you followed Rule #4, you would have shown up at my house yesterday, like we agreed when I fired you, to give me my one spare key out of your lockbox and get your lockbox and sign off of my property.
Now, had you followed Rule #3, you would have read, in a very explicitly detailed email that, since you failed to show up yesterday as promised, I wanted you to keep the lockbox with the key in it on my house until we could meet in person. That way, if something happened, for example, a PERSON WANTED TO LOOK AT MY HOME THIS AFTERNOON, the key would have been happily lying in it’s little safe lockbox spot at 5:00 when that someone tried to get in the house to take a little look-see.
Also, had you followed Rule #5, you would have answered your freaking cell phone when I called you from my office at 5:00 today wondering where on the green earth my freaking house key was because someone was STANDING AT MY DOOR TRYING TO GET IN. Someone pre-approved for the amount we’re asking on our house. A potential way out of my stress. And, subsequently, had you answered your cell phone, I wouldn’t have had to break about a million traffic laws and wouldn’t have had to piss off pretty much every driver in Phoenix trying to race home to let the people into my house.
Lucky for you I’m a pretty freaking good driver, especially under pressure, and Someone upstairs was looking after me because there was like, zero traffic on a road that is normally stalled to about 5 mph. Also lucky for you is the fact that the people were patient with me and I was able to let them in the house. And most of all, lucky for me these people looked at the house under our new realtor’s listing, so there’s not a chance you’ll see a dime of the commission if they decide to purchase.
The events of the day only solidify my belief that, if I sucked as badly at my job as you do, I would be homeless and naked, only able to afford a lollipop.
Sincerely yours,
Don’t let the door hit ‘ya where the good Lord split ‘ya
- Posted in Home Deterioration
August 21st, 2007 at 6:09 am
Homeless and naked?!?!? That made me laugh out loud. Dude…I seriously hope you are able to complain to someone about how lame your past realtor is. But I am thrilled that you were able to get to your house in time to show those potential buyers your dreamy home. Hope everything works out!!
August 21st, 2007 at 8:58 am
HAHAHAHAHA.
Rule #1: Do not mess with Kate.
Rule #2: Kate must not post hilarious things about lollipops.
Rule #3: Anne must not read Kate’s hilarious blog posts in the middle of the night when everyone is trying to sleep.
Rule #4: Do not attempt to drive in Phoenix when Kate has somewhere that she needs to go in a hurry…
Rule #5: Love Kate forever and ever because she’s awesome.
August 21st, 2007 at 10:18 am
omg I am so sorry you are having such a hard time but I have to say your retelling is making my sides hurt with giggles. I was trying to be quiet because ev1 is asleep here but then I read your post and couldn’t help myself…lol. Hang in there.
August 21st, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Hahah you are hilarious. And seriously, they suck!
August 21st, 2007 at 3:15 pm
There are days that it seems unfair that strangling someone is illegal!
August 21st, 2007 at 6:38 pm
So it was a well deserved firing, then?
Glad you got there in time!
August 21st, 2007 at 7:32 pm
Thank goodness I’m not a realtor!!! I would be SCARED of you!
August 21st, 2007 at 8:17 pm
Your way with words is truly inspiring! I feel your pain and think that your wit and sense of humor is something to be applauded!
August 22nd, 2007 at 11:55 am
You are so funny when you are mad. Maybe this is why the world is out to get you!! Even Fate needs a good laugh once in a while, and you seem to be a sure bet. I can’t wait to see what life comes up next for you as your coping strategies are incredible and hilarious!
Sorry to laugh at your expense, and hope that it will all be worth it in the end!!